Total Drama House
by Dr. Brooklyn
Summary: The TDI crew thinks that summer break will bring relaxation, until Chris brings them all to a mansion... Stupid Contracts. Here we go again!
1. Chapter 1

1.

_Last time on Total Drama Prep, it was the finals and Duncan and Heather were going head to head to decide who would walk off with the grand prize, although both fought hard in the end it was the least favorite player of just about everyone who pulled it all off. This season will be different, this season will be exciting, this season will be...Total! DRAMA! HOOUUUUUUUSSSSSSEEEEE!!!!! _

Duncan stared at the two men as the video clip stopped, "You're shitting me?"

"We shit not," The man to the left said.

"Chris told us to have you pack the following items," He handed Duncan a list, "And to get on that van with us and we are to take you to the location of the next season of the Total Drama Series."

Duncan read the list, all basic stuff like bathroom supplies and clothes, he finally looked up and said, "You're shitting me?"

Chris dodged the plate Heather through, "Now, calm down Heather."

"You just told me you tricked me into 'donating' my winnings to help finance a new season of a show Idon't want to be a part of and now you want me to calm down?"

"You just need to breath a little," Chris said dodging a chair, "you get to compete to win it back."

"But I already won it you creep!" Heather picked up another chair, "Where's the fucking money shit head?"

"But I'm on my way to go see Duncan for a week, I can't really just-"

"Courtney, he'll be at the house," the suited man said sitting down on the couch across from Courtney and her parents.

"Yeah, but what makes you think I even want to compete?" Courtney frowned, "All the shows brought me was wounds from being stabbed in the back."

"Yes, but there is a $2 million reward, and the location is a posh mansion-"

"Posh mansion you say?"

"Dude, I'm totally up for more!" Geoff said looking away from Bridgette, "And I'm sure she's up for it as well, are ya Bridge?"

"Yeah, totally," the pair resumed their kissing activites.

"I don't know if our little Ezekiel is up for any more trauma from the outside world, doncha know?"

"But mom, their my friends!" Ezekiel said pleading with his mother as the suited intern looked around the cabin.

"Don't be rediculous Ezekiel," His father said putting down his fork with part of a moose steak on it, "You wouldn't know what a 'friend' is, eh?"

"But I want to go!"

"Alright, Ezekiel, you can go."

Chris got back into his limo and began wrapping his wounds, "Well, Heather should be fun this season."

Chef turned around in the driver seat, "Oh really? Is she mad about the money thing?"

"Why else would I have shards of crystal plates sticking out of my arm?"

"Well, she'll calm down."

"You think?"

"Not really."

"That's what I was afraid of."

Duncan sat in the back of the van, head phones over his ears. The loud music drowned out the noise of the guys in the front talking about something or another, but due to the music, Duncan was begining to nod off, and then he did. Only to be woken up when the van slammed to a stop, sending him flying to the front of the van. He took of the ar phones and looked at the clock, it was an hour behind what is was before he fell asleep.

"What?" Duncan rubbed his head where it had smashed onto the chair of the driver. The doors opened and Chris yelled, "Get up and shake the stink off ya!"

"What am I doing here?" Duncan asked still rubbing his head.

"Well, you're here to begin the newest season of the Total Drama Series, Total Drama House, come on I'll explain inside."

Chris and Duncan walked into the mansion that was at the end of the driveway that the Van sat in.

"So, this season takes place in a house?"

"Yup, funny story about how we got the money to buy the house, you know I'll tell you later."

"Welcome kids to the Total Drama House. Funny story about how we got the money to buy this place-"

"It's not funny at all!" Heather yelled from her seat in the back of the room, "He tricked me into-"

"I want to say the punchline!" Chris laughed, "I had her sign a fake contract that would allow me to use her money to buy this house." Chris began laughing, and Chef leaned in and began laughing too, "Ain't I the worst?"

"Yes," Eva growled.

"Well, first off I'm glad you are all back, you have the option to choose many reality shows thanks for supporting Chris McClean productions." Chris smiled.

"We didn't have a choice," Eva snarled, "You forced us because of our contracts."

"Oh, right..." Chris thought for a moment, "Either way it's nice to have you all back."

"It's nice to be back," Cody turned and smiled at Gwen.

"Gag me with a flamethrower," Gwen said rolling her eyes.

"So, this house will be your home for the summer, as in you can't leave the grounds unless I give you a special pass, or tell you you can. It's going to be pretty standard other wise, challenges, eliminations, executions, drama. You know the jist."

"Did he say...?" Bridgette said taking her lips off of Geoff's.

"Izzy doesn't fear death!" Izzy said leaping up.

"And Owen is just glad to be around Izzy," Owen said putting his arms around Izzy.

"Shut up and let me explain some more stuff, out back is a fire pit, that's the elimination area. At the elimination ceremonies you'll be given chocolate house keys, you don't get one you get taken to another house somewhere else in Canada. Any questions?"

"Um... Chance?" Lindsey raised her hand, "Do we have-"

"Do you have teams?" Chris laughed, "What kind of stupid... well, it is Lindsey. Yes, you have teams. Guys vs. Girls, can you figure that out or do I have to list the names?"

"We can figure it out," Heather said rolling her eyes.

"Is Tyler on my team?" Lindsey asked excitedly.

"Rat bastard Tyler," Ezekiel muttered.

"Alright, on the top floor are six rooms, five with two beds and one with one. Heather, for being the highest ranked girl last season gets the room to her self, Duncan get's the one guy room in the basement. The rest of your rooms have been assigned and you'll find the names of the two occupants on the doors. Any more questions?"

Lindsey's hand shot up again.

"Good to hear you all understand," Chris then pointed to the large pile of luggage by the door, "Now go get comfortable."

The kids all went and got their stuff, and then started heading to their respective stairs, Harold grabbed his bag and began walking down when Duncan grabbed his shoulder, "Wrong way Doris, the girls rooms are upstairs." Duncan, Geoff, and Trent laughed as they walked down.

"Jerks!"

Courtney's shoulders droppede as she walked into her room and saw the sign wasn't lying.

"Hey roomie," Gwen said from her bed, "you still mad about last mo-"

Courtney silently glared from the doorway.

"Yeah, that's what I was afraid of."

"Geoff! You're with Doris!" Duncan laughed pointing at the sign on one of the doors.

"Are you shitting me?" Geoff said dropping his bag.

"I shit not."

"Shit."

"I'm with Justin?" Noah said throwing his bag into the room.

"I hope you don't need a mirror in the morning, " Justin said walking by, because I need three hours of mirror time a morning."

"I have a dandruff laden mullet essentially, do I look like I take time to care about my apperance."

"No, you look like crap," Justin said walking over and doing his hair, "I just thought it'd be mean to assume."

The sun was down, and the kids all sat around the fire pit in the back yard of the house.

"Well, we're all settled in and ready to go, right?" Chris said opening a bag of marshmellows, and he began handing them out to the kids around the fire, "Eat up, and tonight sleep well, you'll need it... this summer is going to be a living Hell." Everyone laughed, "Seriously, I'm not joking."


	2. Chapter 2

2.

_ Last time on Total Drama House... nothing really happend. The kids came here and got into their rooms, and enjoyed their last night at peace, because starting today we go to war! A Ratings war! What crazy shenanigans do I have thought up to boost my ratings? Are we going to win any awards this year? Will Heather repeat? Will Owen return to glory? Will Courtney and Gwen kill each other? It seems we have more questions right now than answers, which means we need to get this season under way! Find out some exciting answers to some of the questions, and some I didn't ask this season on Total. DRAMA. HOOUUUUUUSSSSSEEEEEE!!!!! _

The speaker system in the house began playing a traditional morning bugle call, making all the kids jump out of bed. Then Chris's voice came, "Hey everyone! Breakfast will be served in a few minutes get ready because we have a large challenge today! It wil lbring a shockingly good time!"

"Another summer of this slop?" Eva said pounding the table.

"Well, at least you have never had to eat moose bacon," Ezekiel said, poking at his oatmeal.

"Duncan, can we stay civil this year?" Courtney said sitting next to Duncan.

"I don't see why not, just cause we're on seperate teams."

"Well, I just don't want us to be one of those couples that keeps breaking up and gets back together."

"Trust me, we won't be." He leaned over and kissed her.

"Um, bro," Geoff and DJ walked up, "What are you doing?"

"Talking to Courtney?"

"Yeah, but you are talking to the enemy." DJ said.

"Oh, come on, te challenges haven't even started yet."

"Yeah, but we need to be ready, Girls, except Bridgette, are treacherous snakes."

"That's so sweet, Geoff." Courtney glared.

"No problem."

Chris walked in, "You know, I have never seen strawberries as big as the ones I got to eat for breakfast... too soon?" Chris looked around at the kids, many of whom hadn't pryed their spoons from the oatmeal, "So, at 9:00 I want to see you out back, you'll know where to find me, see you shortly."

The kids lined up, guys to Chris' left, girls his right, "Alright, on the table you'll see shock collars, you all need to put them on." The students all did, "Now behind me you'll see metal outlines of yourselves. The guys will try and hit the girls, the girls will try and hit the guys. On the same table you'll find some magnetic lawn darts, when those hit the target they'll shock that player, like if some one hit Izzy's target-" Izzy picked up a dart and chucked it at her target, sending volts through out her body, "As I was saying... If some one hits Izzy's target Izzy get's shocked. Every time a player get's shocked, the other team get's a point, the team with the most points wins the first challenge. The losing team has to vote some one off. One person will throw from each team, and we'll bounce back and forth, alright? Since Izzy already threw and got the guys a point, Geoff, take a crack at it!"

Geoff walked up and threw a dart, missing every target, "Wow, Geoff... you suck." Chris said as Geoff's head dropped, "Yo, Chris bro, where's the confessional?"

"Oh, yeah, the door in the hallway that says confessional.

**I do not suck! I just can't throw well!**

"Well, since Geoff can't throw, and just left to go cry, let's see how Bridgette throws." Bridgette walked up and nailed the Geoff cut out.

**You see, I never reaAAAAAHAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!**

"And with that it's tied. Duncan, care to toss a dart?" Duncan smiled and sent a dart right at Gwen's cut out, hitting her in the heart.

**My Dad tried to teach me how to, Gwen what are you doing?**

** Get out Geoff I need to rant! How Ironic is it that DUNCAN would hit my cut out's heart. I don't like him, but it was still ironic.**

"And that's 2-1. Gwen, how nice of you to join us again. You're up." Gwen walked up and hit 'Duncan' in the eye. Duncan shook a little, "Noah?"

"You're $#%&&#% me?"

"I $#!% not, throw."

Noah picked up a dart and threw it... it flew a little and then hit the ground, "You're worse than Geoff."

"So, we are half way through, and the guys are up 5-3, with a few embarrasing throws from Noah, Geoff, and Beth primarily. Beth's actually went backwards. Any ways, here's Courtney's throw." Courtney's dart flew right toward 'Duncan.' "I mean it's 5-4, still the guys, Owen, toss a dart."

"Hey, Owen!" Izzy yelled, "Toss it at mine!"

"Izzy, then he get's a point and you get shocked!" Courtney said.

"I know, we BOTH win!"

**That girl is... uh... nucking futs, if you catch my drift.**

"Anything for Izzy!" Owen said throwing his dart at Izzy, missing, and hit his own, causing him to shake violently.

**Owen betrayed me! IT'S ON!!!**

"And due to Owen's un sporty nature it's all tied up! Only 8 more throws! Heather, toss away!"

Heather's throw hit 'Duncan' in his groin, causing the real Duncan to shake.

**WHY WAS EVERYONE TARGETING M**_**AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH**_**!!!!!**

"Alright, Harold's the last thrower. It's a tied game, so it all comes down to this! Will the Screaming Papas beat the Killer Mamas?"

"The Who and the Who?" Cody asked.

"Oh, didn't I tell you? The boys are called the Screaming Papas, and the girls are the Killer Mamas. Because it's a house... get it?"

"No," Lindsey said.

Harold picked p the last dart and looked around, and saw Heather's target. He brought his arm back and threw the dart, hitting 'Heather' right between the eyes.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Heather shook.

"And the Papas win the first challenge, and as their reward they recieve dinner at 's House of Ribs! But the Killer Mamas get the sweeter reward, the right to vote some one off, see you by the fire after sundown."

"Welcome to the fire pit and the first elimination ceremony. On the podium in front of me are ten house keys, made of rich dark chocolate, but in front of me is a team of 11 girls. The votes were cast and the first three keys go to Katie, Sadie, and Eva. The next two go to Gwen and Leshawna. Beth, Lindsey, Courtney, and Bridgette. Leaving Heather and Izzy. Izzy, you're a psycho who lost your team the first point, but Heather is just... ugh, no words can describe how evil you are. But, you're safe, Izzy you're out."

"Whoa, Deja Vu, I feel like I've totally been eliminated before."

"Because you have!" Chris said, "Alright, waiting out front is Van of Losers, so what I'm rehashing it, I'm just a TV host, if you think you can come up with something better, start your own show! Izzy, please go."

"I'll go," Izzy hopped the fence and ran off down the driveway, "But I'll never tell where! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

"That girl is crazy," Leshawna said, "I mean, like Harold crazy."

_ One down, twenty to go before we have our winner. Who's going to survive this season? will the girls win it next time? how will the guys treat Harold now that he's given them a win? If I knew we wouldn't have a show, and I know you don't know either, so I know you'll have to tune in next week for more Total. DRAMA. HOOOOOOUUUUSSSSSEEEEE!!!!!_


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

3.

"Hey, Courtney," Gwen sat on her bed, making a point of not sitting on Courtney's, "So I was thinking..."

"If you say about Duncan I'll gut you like a fish."

"You and I aren't the most popular players in the game," Gwen quickly added, "And because people like you better than me, we should form an alliance and-"

"You're shitting me."

"I shit not."

"Well, why would I form an alliance with you, the last time we did you had me kicked off the show."

"Actually we had had an alliance for a while before I had you kicked off."

"Repeat your last five words, sweetheart."

"I had you kicked off," Gwen dropped her head, "Listen, I need help. From what I saw Heather and the brainless brigade are reforming,God knows why, and I have Leshawna, and Katie and Sadie, but you are one of the strongest players, I mean, _the_ strongest, and you could really add to our alliance."

Courtney thought for a moment, her ego was being fed, and manipulated, "Fine, I'm in, as long as you tell NO ONE!"

* * *

"So you tricked Courtney into joining our alliance?" Leshawna chuckled, "Girl, you are turning into a regular Heather."

"Don't joke about something like that," Gwen said, "It wasn't easy, I mean, she was a tough egg, I had to stroke her ego and make it seem like we didn't stand a chance with out her."

"We have a question... Why do we need her?" Katie said.

"We have four of us," Sadie added.

"Bridgette has said she'd join," Katie said.

"Making 5," Sadie continued, "and Eva would NEVER side with Heather, giving us a majority."

"Yes," Gwen said suprised that the pair had thought it all out, "but Courtney's a wild card with a vendetta out for me, keep your friends close and A-Type bitches closer." The girls all laughed.

* * *

"So in our alliance we have Me, Trent, Geoff, DJ, Owen, and Ezekiel," Duncan said looking around the room.

"Yeah bro, and six is more than half of 11." Geoff said pounding DJ.

"Which means if we lose we can eliminate whoever." Duncan sneered.

"But not me, right?" Ezekiel said nervously looking around the room, "Right?"

* * *

"Courtney, penny for your thoughts?" Heather said walking in and sitting next to Courtney.

"What are you doing here?"

"Well, Beth, Lindsey, and myself need a fourth for our trip to the final four."

"Uh-huh." Courtney nodded.

"And who better than you? No one, naturally. You in?"

"Why would I trust you, you helped get me off last year?"

"Yeah, and then I turned around and eliminated the person who betrayed you. I was, as your boyfriend would say, 'straight' with you and you knew I'd vote for you, but Gwen? NO ONE saw that coming." Heather smiled as Courtney turned away, "And Gwen's building an alliance, we can't let her get the majority."

Courtney smiled, but concealed it from Heather, "Yeah, I wouldn't join her alliance, but she wanted me too."

"Well, then how about mine?"

"On one condition, you don't tell ANYONE I'm with you."

* * *

"So you joined both alliances and will play them against each other?" Duncan said putting some music on, "Nice."

"Yeah," Courtney said walking over to sit next to him, "Kind of like the movie Yojimbo."

"I also joined an alliance, the boys majority alliance."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, we have six of eleven and can vote off whoever. We're kind of like the Elliot Ness 'Untouchables.'"

* * *

"Bridge," Geoff sat on his bed, "Um, I don't know if we should be making out all the time."

"What?"

"Well, we are on other teams, and I don't want like... I don't want people to think I care more about you than my team."

"But you do, don't you?"

Geoff turned and looked at her, "Oh, of course, sweetie!"

Bridgette, "Good, because I care more about YOU than MY team."

"Same here, babe." Geoff added, "Same here."


	4. Chapter 4

4.

_ Last time in the Total Drama House. We played a little game of lawn darts... with a shocking twist, if you're doppleganger got hit, got volts. The guys and girls sucked equally for the first little bit, and it all came down to Harold who threw the winning dart, sending the Mamas to the the first elimination, in which they voted of the craziest person I've ever met, and I've ben to Hollywood, Izzy. But, she didn't take the van, she just ran off into the night, like I said the craziest person I've ever met. After one challenge the girls are down a player, will they go on a skid or bounce back right away? How will the couples fair, being split up? What's Harold's status with the team going to be like now that he gave them a win? Find out today at the Total. DRAMA. HOOOOUUUUUSSSSSSEEEEE!!!!!_

* * *

"Greetings Angels, this is Charlie," Chris laughed into the PA system.

"His name's Charlie?" Lindsey said to Leshawna, her room mate.

"Girl, you are such an idiot."

* * *

"Because there was so much left over oatmeal last night, guess what you get for breakfast this morning?" Chris laughed.

"Eggs and Bacon?" Lindsey posed.

"You are such an idiot!" Eva said.

"Am I?" Lindsey turned and asked Beth.

"No, you're very smart."

**Okay, I lied, but it was a white lie to help her, to be nice.**

"You kids should really eat up, you'll need your strength, both mental and physical."

"I don't think we haveenough food for Lindsey to improve her mental strength." Eva growled.

**Eva's already stepping on toes, like... she actually stepped on my toe. **Bridgette said.

"Alright girls," Bridgette said, "We have to unite if we want to win."

"Okay Hippy," Heather said, "We'll unite."

**When Hell freezes over.**

"Okay, guys, we have a dilemna." Trent said, "Gwen was talking to me and apparently they have a big alliance over there as well."

"Which isn't etirely bad, bro." Geoff said finally getting his poon out his oatmeal.

"Why not?"

"What party dude means is that we can use you and get some influence to vote off girls, such as Heather."

"Everyone full?" Chris said, "Good, because we're going to play a roaring game of tag... at the mall! TO THE VAN!"

* * *

"Alright, did everyone recieve a cell phone?" Chris said, and the contestants all nodded, "Good. Okay the guys won last time so they get to decide, do you want to hide or seek?"

There was a brief conference before Justin said, "Seek."

"Alright, so the girls will go hide and you guys will call them for clues to their locations, they don't have to be accurate, most likely they'll be red herring's, then you have to find them and tag them before they get back to the van, if they get there they are safe, The Papas get a point for each Mama they tag, the Mamas get a point for each girl they get back to the van. Girls you have 120 seconds to go hide, starting right now."

* * *

"Alright guys, you can begin calling, good luck!" Chris got into the van as the guys started calling.

"Justin, Noah, Cody, and Owen," Duncan began. "you take the West wing of the mall. Geoff, Trent, DJ, and Myself will take the east. Homeschool, Harold,and Tyler-"

"No, I'm lone wolfing this."

"What?" Everyone turned and looked at Tyler.

"Well, I'm the most athletic, I'll hunt them down. Trust me!" Tyler turned and ran off towards the mall.

**Well he get's points for heart, he'll get my foot in his gut for being a-**

* * *

"Yup, I'm at the shoe store!" Lindsey said into the phone, "With Beth and Heather."

"Wait, Lindsey, tell me you seriously didn't just give away our position," Heather asked in terror.

"I just told Tyler where we are so he can come find me and we can talk."

"Come on, we're leaving," Heather grabbed the phone from Lindsey, "and you just lost your phone privelage."

* * *

"Okay, Geoff, you go into the sports store, DJ, the music store, and Duncan, you go over to the video store, look high and low."

"What about you guitar guy?" DJ asked as Geoff and Duncan walked off.

"I'm going to the food court."

* * *

"Hey, can I get a lemonade." Courtney asked leaning on the counter, she had just run from the other end of the mall, dodging Ezekiel until he fell down the up escalator, allowing her to escape.

"Um, yeah," The Blonde girl said filling a cup.

"Thanks," Courtney put the money on the counter and sat at a table next to the large Lemon.

"That table's reserved."

"I'll just be here a minute."

"Well, my friends will be here shortly." Caitlin rolled her eyes and started wiping the counter.

"Hey Courtney," Trent said walking over to the Lemon, "Can I get a- COURTNEY?!" Trent whipped around only to be caught in the gut by a side kick from Courtney. The Prep laughed as Trent fell, she threw the cup into the can and ran off.

"Duncan," Trent's voice came through Duncan's phone, "Courtney's... leaving the..."

* * *

"DJ!" Duncan ran into the Music Store and looked around.

"Guess who caught Bridgette?" DJ said walking Bridgette around.

"Marlon Brando? Come on, let's go get Geoff!"

* * *

Courtney looked over a Mercedes before making an all out sprint to the Van. Harold leapt out from behind another van and tried to intercept Courtney.

** I thought I had a good shot, until Courtney picked up that pop can.**

Courtney grabbed a flattened pop can off the asphault and threw it like a frisbee at Harold's head, knocking him in the forehead and rocking him back.

**Yeah, the can is DEFINITLY where my chances died.**

* * *

"Alright, um... Noah!" Justin remembered the name of the nerd, "Take a look out that window and see if any one's in the parking lot. I'm going ot go sit in a listening booth at the Music store."

**Justin is a tool and a half. I'm not going to do his dirty work just because he's "pretty."**

"Hey, Courtney's at the van!"

"Courtney made it to the van?" Cody said walking up.

**Even though Cody is the only person in this game I'd call friend, He's an idiot.**

"Alright, Nerd squad." Justin said, "You go do something about this."

"Um, Justin," Owen said, "You're getting kind of bossy."

"Well, looks are a lot in this world, and of he four of us... HAHAHAHA!" Justin began laughing, "It's obviously me. Now go!"

"Justin's a tool and a half." Noah said after Justin left, "There are three of us, I say if we lose we send pretty boy home, most of the guys here don't want him around."

* * *

Eva leapt off the second floor into the food court and landed right next to Trent, who was still on the ground next to the now full reserved table.

"Hey, Eva." Trent said rolling over, "EVA!" He forced himself up, only to get punched in the face, knocking him back.

* * *

After an hour every one's phones began ringing. "Everyone report to the van, tagged girls stay with the guys who tagged you, I'll see you in a few."

All the students arrived at the van and split into their teams, with two girls over by the guys.

"Well," Chris said, "The Killer Mamas got 6 players back to the van, and the Screaming Papas caught 2. So, obviously we see who won. The second challenge goes to the Killer Mamas. Guys, what was the problem?"

"Well, we had a great plan, until Tyler went AWOL."

"I had a great plan, I almost caught Courtney."

"So did I," Harold said rubbing his forehead.

"Well, If Justin had left us alone in the Hardware store sooner, we may have been able to catch some people."

"Either way, you lost," Chris said, opening the doors of the van, "And tonight you'll have to eliminate a player. How sad."

* * *

"Welcome to the fire pit guys, rough day?"

"Uh-huh." Owen nodded sadly.

"Want a chocolate key to make it all better?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well, then you're in luck, here's the first key. The other keys go to... Harold, Geoff, Ezekiel, Noah, Cody, Trent, DJ, and... Duncan. One key and Tyler and Justin are still here. Tyler, the guys were upset you ran off, Justin, you angered your squad and were pushy, but you get to stay. Tyler, no hiding under the radar this year, you're out."

"But guys!" Tyler looked around, "Now who'll you use to counter Eva?"

"Um," Noah said, "Duncan, DJ, or pretty much anyone."

"Fine, then I'll go." Tyler turned and walked away.

"Good." Ezekiel yelled as the gate closed.

* * *

_ The teams are all evened up, and Tyler's departure will insure no suprise staying power for him this year. The guys were fighting fierce, will they stay broken? Will the girls capitalize on the in fighting? Will Lindsey notice that Tyler's gone? find out next time at the Total. DRAMA. HOUUUUUUUSSSSSEEEEEE!!!!!_


	5. Chapter 5

5.

_ Last time on Total Drama House, the teams went to the mall... and tried to find not great deals but each other. In a giant game of hide and seek tag... whatchamacallit, The Mamas and the Papas hid and sought, but thanks to the grit and determination of several of the girls, as well as a few fueds growing in the guys ranks led tot he girls winning a challenge, and the guys voting off Tyler, because he didn't play well with the others. Will the guys fall apart? Will Courtney's double crossing be exposed? Will the big Guy alliance get some girls on their side? Find out on another exciting trip to the Total. DRAMA. HOOOUUUUUSSSSEEEE!!!_

TDH 

"Um, where's Tarnell?"

"Who?" Heather said.

"You know," Lindsey said, "Red track suit, brown hair, um... not a girl?"

"You mean, Tyler," Beth said kindly.

"Sure!" Lindey happily exclaimed.

"So Trent, you got your ass kicked by TWO girls?" Duncan asked laughing as he put his coffee cup down.

"No, I got my ass kicked by 1 girl," Trent looked around, "And Eva." All the guys started laughing.

"For some weird reason I just got the urge to go punch Trent again." Eva said suspiciously looking around.

"Please don't," Gwen said, "For many reasons."

Courtney grabbed her breakfast and turned around and saw Heather's alliance at one end of the girls table, Gwen's at the other.

** Okay... so this is a pickle. On one hand, if I sit next to Gwen's group Heather might suspect, but if I sit next to Gwen's, well, I think you guys can infer what would happen.**

Courtney nervously started walking when Chris leapt into the room, knocking her over and sending her breakfast all over the floor, "Snootchie Bootchies, everyone!"

"Chris, you just knocked me over!"

"Oh, yes, everyone please give Courtney a round of applause for helping me demonstrate today's challenge," Chris began clapping and soon every one clapped, "Now stop! Out back the interns have set up a bowling lane... a human sized bowling lane. Because each team is at ten, we have enough for each team to evenly form the classic ten pin arrangement. The other team will send one person at a time down the lane and ty to knock over as many players as they can. Sort of like Red Rover. Rules: The "Pins" can't touch each other for support. The "Ball" can throw themselves anyway they want, both teams will be both roles and the team with the most pins knocked down wins immunity. Easy enough to understand? Well, Lindsey of course YOU don't understand. Well, to the lanes."

TDH 

"See those ten spots down there?" Chris pointed, "Well, Girls, you get to call the coin flip in the air, Queen or Loon?"

"Queen," Gwen called out.

"Loon," Heather countered. Both girls turned and looked at Courtney.

Courtney began to stammer an answer when Chris flipped the coin, caught it, and then covered it, "I heard Queen first. And it's the Loon," Heather glared at Gwen, "Guys do you want to go first or second?"

The guys huddled up, ounded fists, laughed, and then Geoff turned and said, "Second."

** It's all in the strategy, I mean, if we go first we set the bar, but if we go second we see what we have to beat. Since we put our differences aside, we guys have gotten really strategic, bro.**

"Guys, go get in position down there!" The guys started walking down and got in their positions.

**See, I talked to Geoff and Duncan, they're neanderthals, but they listened to me... and let me plan our battle strategy, and I think we have a shot at winning. And during this challenge I may have a chance to grab Courtney's %!%%!&$. Don't tell Duncan!**

"Ah, it seems the guys have put Owen, DJ, and Duncan as the 1,2, and 3 pins respectivly. Well thought out, Girls, select your first ball."

"Well, it only seems right to send Eva," Heather said, turning to Beth and Lindsey for support, who of course gave her some, "We need to start strong, and who's stronger than Eva?"

**Maybe the Incredible Hulk. **Trent said looking around, **Maybe.**

"Yeah, I think we need to..." Courtney started, which drew looks from Gwen, "I'll go first."

Courtney stepped up to the starting line and got into a sprinters stance.

**Finally, my chance cometh!**

Courtney ran down the lane and leapt at Owen, only to bounce off and land on her rear end, looking up at Owen.

**Courtney made my belly jiggle. Tehehehe.**

"Told you we should have sent Eva!" Heather said as Courtney returned to the foul line area, "Now we started weak."

"Hey, stop hassling her!" Gwen said.

"Why should I?"

"Because..." Gwen stopped, "I'll go now."

TDH 

"After 9 bowlers, the girls only knocked down 25 pins. Pitiful. BUT because they won last time they get a special bonus I've decided to just tell them about. Chef will "bowl" for you, and whatever he gets... you get twice! Oooohhhhhh Cheeeeefffffff!!!!"

Chef walked up to the line, wearing a hair net and a purple jumpsuit.

"You're sh-"

"Duncan!" Chris yelled, "Watch with the language!"

"You're kidding me?"

"Nope," Chef said stretching, "This is what real bowlers wear."

"Um," Harold said, "I went to Bowling Steve's Bowling camp and I've never seen any body, bowler or not dressed like that."

"Well, you've probably never bowled in South East Asia."

"Niether have you," Courtney said, "I did some research, Canada wasn't in Viet Nam."

"That you know of."

"What?"

"Never mind," Chef looked around shiftily, "You ready down there pin heads?"

"Pfft," Noah scoffed, "Real creative banter there, Deadpool."

Chef snorted and charged, knocking over all the guys. He then grabbed Noah and picked him up, and as he was about to snap his back over his knee, Chris shot a tranquilizer dart into Chef's neck, "Yo, Bane! Drop the geek!"

The girls all began cheering, when Chris walked back over, "So you guys are now up to 45 AND you saved your best female," Chris turned and looked off screen, "She is female right?" He then turned around and faced the girls again, "EVA! Step on up and take a crack at the-"

Eva was already leaping into the triangle of guys, sending them scattering, except for Harold in the back. Eva stood up and glared at Harold, who fell over.

"Alright, techinically a 9, but I'm not going to argue with that, giving the girls another strike and an 100." Chris said motioning ot the guys.

"But," Justin said, "they should only get 55."

"Yeah," Cody said, "Had it been Gwen I could totally see point manipulation," He winked and pointed at Gwen, "but Eva? Come on she has more lg hair than I have on my legs, face, chest, back, and arm pit areas!"

**Probably shouldn't have said that.**

Eva turned and punched Cody in the mouth.

"Well, girls go assume the pin position. Guys, pick a first ball."

"I say Harold goes first, I mean, he can scare all the girls out of the way," Duncan said.

"Or Cody," Trent said, "He could at least knock Gwen off her feet."

"You think I could knock Gwen off her feet? That's awesome!"

"Um... that's not how I... never mind."

Justin said, "I'll go first, just get it over with, you know distract the girls and make them easy targets for you guys."

"Way to step up bro," Geoff said, "You're alright."

"No," Justin said turning and smiling at the girls, "I'm fiiiiine." Most of the girls started to swoon, as Justin walked down the alley, and tripped a little falling down, "Oh no, I ripped my shirt, I'll just-" He stood up and ripped his shirt off and all the girls fell over."

"Excellent strategy, Justin," Chriscomplimented Justin and high fived him as he returned, "Way to work that mojo. Who's next?"

TDH 

"After a fairly strong run, the guys tied it up... after 6 frames. All they have to do is knock over 1 girl and they win it, who's up?"

"Well," Owen stepped forward, "I need to be a part of this team, so far this season I've stood idly by and maybe only said a few things, I was the winner season one, I was-"

"If you're going to go then just go," Noah said, "No one's going to stop you."

"Oh..."

**For the record, I knew no one would stop me... I just wanted to give an epic sports movie speech, for the record.**

"BANZAI!!!!" Owen ran and tripped, rolling to where he stopped, three feet from the pins.

"I can't believe I lost to... THAT!" Heather laughed.

"Did anyone else hear that rumble?" Owen said clutching his stomach, "Whenever I hear a-" Suddenly a greenish cloud enveloped the girls, and coughing soon followed. When a breeze came and dissipated the cloud, the girls were all passed out.

"Unconventional, but effective. Congrats Owen with that the guys have clinched the win, and immunity from elimination at tonight's fire pit ceremony. Guys, as the winners you recieve a night of... actual bowling, Enjoy!"

TDH 

"Alright, I know she's in our alliance, but Courtney disrespected me in fornt of the others," Heather said to Beth, Lindsey, and suprisingly Eva.

"So?" Lindsey said, only to get slapped across the face by Heather.

"She's going down."

TDH 

"Welcome to fire pit Ladies, you did well in the challenge... last week. Today, you were quite the opposite. What happened?"

"Well, Gwen's little attempt at an alliance created some problems in the-"

"My alliance? What about yours?"

"What about mine?"

"Girls, Girls, stop with the fighting," Chris faced the camera, "Save it for sweeps!" Chris motioned to Chef who brought forward a tray with 9 keys on it. "And here are the keys, Chef, the challenge is over, you can take off the stupid get up."

"Well, thanks to this McClean Family brand dart I found in my neck, I've been asleep since the challenge ended."

"Oh... right... oops. Anyways, the first keys go to Leshawna, Lindsey, Bridgette, Eva, Katie, and Sadie. Three more, with Courtney, Heather, Beth, and Gwen still here. Heather, catch. Gwen, you're also safe, for now. Courtney and Beth. Niether of you did anything of note today... except Courtney who made a clip that me and Camera 2 have rewatched like fifty times, you literally BOUNCED off of Owen's gut, like a few feet! And there's some interesting video of you talking to various people."

"Can you see what they're saying?" Duncan asked the other guys crammed around the window.

"Well," Trent said, "I can see that Gwen has a key, so that's really what matters."

"What about Courtney?" Noah asked from the other side of the room.

"What about Courtney?" Duncan said turning around.

"Alright," Chris picked up the last key, "You did really well last season, despite a poor first season run, but today your luck runs out... Beth. Courtney, here's your key."

"But, Courtney," Beth said turning to face Courtney, "Our alliance decided to vote off Gwen."

"OUR Alliance?" Leshawna said standing up, "What about Our alliance?"

"YOUR Alliance?" Heather said glaring at Courtney, "You said you were with us."

"Same here," Gwen said crossing her arms.

"Beth just got voted off, let's focus on her!" Courtney said trying to divert attention.

"Beth's already been driven off by Chef 'The Jesus' Hatchet," Chris said sitting down on one of the lawn chairs, "Let's focus on you."

"Heather, how can you of all people get mad at me for what I did?" Courtney said, "Same to you Gwen. You've both stabbed various people in the back, Heather, how else did you make the final three twice, and win the second season when NO ONE likes you? Gwen-"

"I know everyone's going to hate me, but I have to stop this Cat fight because we're running out of time. Join us for more fighting, more humiliating clips that will one day go viral, more costumes, more drama of the total kind, here at the Total. DRAMA. HHHHHHHOOOOOOOUUUUUUUSSSSSSEEEEEEEE!!!!!!


	6. Chapter 6

6.

_Last time at the Total Drama House, We hit the lanes for a litttle bowling, human bowling. The two teams tried their darndest to knock each other over, some succeeded, some failed, like Courtney. The Guys pulled off a needed win and seemed to bury the hatchet all around, but the girls went to the fire pit and eliminated Beth, which is when Beth made a slip in revealing Courtney's alliance with Heather, which caused outrage from Gwen, and outrage from Heather, leaving Courtney the odd girl out. Will Courtney be around much longer? What will become of the brewing civil war inside the girls team? Are the guys really all alright with each other? Find out today on Total. DRAMA. HOOOOOUUUUUUUSSSSEEEEE!!!!_

TDH 

"No... no... no..." Owen rocked back and forth outside the closed, locked, and barracaded kitchen door, "The horror, the horror!"

"What's the matter big guy?" Cody said sitting down next to Owen.

"Chef said no breakfast today... he's taking the day off from cooking!" Owen looked around, "But I need to eat! I NEEEEDDD TO!!! Do you think a physique like this maintains itself? I have a strict food regimine than I must adhere to!"

"Wait, so your getting upset because you can't stuff your gullet with the food equivalent of napalm?" Noah said looking up from a book, "Pathetic."

"What's with the closed kitchen?" Gwen asked as several of the girls walked up.

"Yeah, what gives with the lack of eats?" Geoff demanded, pounding on the door.

"FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!" Chris yelled from the back yard as a loud explosion was heard. All the students looked around and ran out the back door.

"Thanks for coming, children." Chris was standing next to a burning puile of microwaves, ovens, toasters, and a spit, "I'm sure you notcied the burning cooking supplies, well, I don't want you to be tempted to cheat in todays challenge."

"If it's a hunger strike I lose," Owen said falling to his knees, "Owen's gotta feeeeeeddddd!!!!!"

"Relax," Chris said patting Owen's shoulder, "Behind the pile are two propane grills..."

"Um, Chris," Duncan raised his hand, "Who's brilliant idea was it to put propane by a giant bonfire?"

"Mine, for the first stage of your challenge you must run behind the pile and bring your grills to the marked places there and there."

"This can't be legal," Courtney said, "I mean, we could die."

"What a shame," Heather said glaring.

"Alright, go bring your grills around now! I'd hurry, there maybe fuses you'll have to cut." The students bolted behind the fire and grabbed their grills and quickly began ripping various fuses, and then began dragging their grills to the locations Chris pointed to. "Oh, and Courtney, legal had to approve it if we wanted to do it. You're law firm is awesome! We got them on as our new legal team and... well, today you are returning a kindness to Chef. You will grill up some food for him on the grills you just saved, and then he'll eat them and judge based on taste. Winner's get dinner, losers have to eliminate a player and they go hungry today. Start cooking, Chef's lunch will be served at noon."

"Alright, Um, anyone here know how to grill?" Trent nervously asked.

"I do!" DJ said.

"Really?" Everyone looked at him.

"Yup, my mama said that a mans place is on the grill so I learned how to grill before I was old enough to reach the back of the grill rack."

"Well," Duncan looked around, "We've found our go to guy."

"Come on girls," Courtney pleaded to the two alliances, which stood a few feet apart of each other, "The guys may win two straight unless we can stop being so caddy!"

"Tell that to them!" Heather said, "We over here would NEVER be caddy!"

"RIGHT!"

"Geoff, you, Duncan, Justin, Harold, and Trent go break into the kitchen and bring me something to cook. Ezekiel, you take Cody and Noah in and get a spatula. Owen, you just hang in tight there, Big Guy, we'll make it through this!"

"You're braver than I!"

"Gwen, if Heather's not going to help me, will you?"

"No, you stabbed us all in the back, and as a result I have no choice but to side with Heather on this."

"Did you really just hear the words you said?" Leshawna said stepping forward, "I for one won't side with mean and crazy over crazy."

"Us either!" Katie and Sadie stepped forward.

"Yo, DJ!" Geoff said running back carrying a large steak in a box, "We found a burger and some veggies in tin foil!"

"Pre wrapped?" DJ said, looking away from Owen, who still rocked back and forth in the fetal position.

"Yeah, it's like we were supposed to find them!" Geoff threw them on the grill.

"Because you were," Chris walked over, "Forgot to mention how both teams have some stuff waiting for them, they just have to go and get it. Hurry up every one, it's 11:38 already!"

DJ looked around and pulled a shaker out of his pocket and began sprinkling it on the burger.

"What's that?" Ezekiel said looking at the grill intently.

"My secret weapon," DJ smiled, "Momma Spice."

Courtney came running back from the kitchen with a steak, while Heather's alliance had started to help out, except Eva, "Come on Eva, I need your help."

"And you think I'll give it to you?" Eva said turning to face Courtney, "You betrayed our alliance and our personal trust in you. I want no part of you, or any part of your challenge!" Eva grabbed the grill and knocked it over, luckily the grill had not been started.

** So I feel a little responsible for Eva snapping. But I primarily just write it off as crazy Eva being crazy.**

"Do all you guys feel like Eva?" Courtney said looking around, "Gwen? Bridgette?"

"Well, we've got to win this challenge first," Leshawna said putting her arm around Courtney.

**Alright, So Courtney can be uptight and mean. She's the only one trying to keep these teams together right now, and I've got to help her. I'm not saying I like her, or that I'll make her a bff bracelet, but the Girl was trying. **

"How did she flip this?" Lindsey asked as the girls tried to erect the grill.

"DJ that smells like a being of pure joy started sweating!" Geoff excitgecly yelled.

"Yeah man, you've got to teach me how to cook, I hear it impresses the ladies." Cody said, attracting a glare from Trent, "But not Gwen, because she's off limits."

"Um, one thing we forgot," Noah said, "What if Chef get's thirsty?" The guys, except DJ and Justin, all sprinted off to the kitchen to try and find a beverage.

TDH 

"Time's up!" Chris walked inbetween the two grills and examined the dishes, "DJ, and the Papas, that's a good looking burger. Girls, that's... that's just too bad." Chris walked over to a table that had been set up during the competition, "Alright, one person from each team bring the meal to Chef and place it in front of him. Papas, you're up first,

"Good luck, DJ" Owen said from his position on the ground.

"We don't need luck, we have Momma Spice." DJ walked up and put the burger down.

Chef picked it up, and took a bite, "Mmmmm. Mmmm. Mmmm. That is a tasty burger! And Burgers are the corner stone of any nutritious meal. Hey, I'm a little thirsty now, what's in that cup?"

"Sprite."

"Hmmm, I would love some of that delicious beverage to wash down this tasty burger." Chef took a big gulp, "Now on to the ladies... is this a joke?"

"No... it's... grilled chicken breast," Lindsey said.

** I don't even know how you would grill a joke, boy Chef's even dumber than me! **

"I ain't gonna eat that $#####!!!!!!!!&&&&&&." Chef pointed at the guys, "The Papas are todays winners!"

"Oh thank the Lord above!" Owen leapt up, "I need food! LIKE RIGHT NOW!!!!" He ran up and grabbed the girls chicken breast and ate it, "Hmmm, I would have added an herb spread onto the breat. It would have mixed well witht hte vegetable side." HGe turned and walked back to celebrate witht he other guys.

"Congratulations are in order tot he Screaming Papas. You guys are nigh unstoppable, tonight you get to go OUT to eat at the very fancy Los Tacos del Corozon! Enjoy." Chris truend to the girls, "And you girls get to starve tonight AND eliminate some baggage. See you all back at the fire pit after sundown."

TDH 

"Girls, you haven't been really doing anything impressive, have ya?"

"Well, if-"

"Can it Courtney, I don't care. We have more pressing matters, like giving keys to Gwen, Heather, Sadie, Leshawna, Lindesy, and Bridgette. Katie, you're also safe. Courtney and Eva. Courtney, I'd be failing in my hosting duties if I didn't remind everyone about how you stabbed them all in the back. But, You're safe. Eva, you're cfrrazy and your off putting nature has off put your teammates, to the van with you."

"Fine, I hated it here anyways!" Eva stood up, "But I'll be waiting for all of you wherever they take me! I"LL BE %#!%^! WAITING FOR YOU!!!" Eva turned and stormed off to the van.

_ The Killer Mama's took another fall. Will they be able to keep up with the guys? Will they have to? *Wink Wink* Will Courtney be bumped anytime soon? find out on your next visit to the Total. DRAMA. HOOOUUUUUUSSSSEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! _


	7. Chapter 7

7.

_ Last time on Total Drama House, The Papas and the Mamas entered a grill off to try and please resident food expert Chef Hatchet. The guys worked great as a unit, while Courtney carried the girls, who are fighting like... well... teenage girls. Under Courtney's flag the two alliances rallied a little, but could not win over the Papas who impvoe to 3-1 in challenges thus far as Eva got the boot. What intrigue will be flung at you this time? What challenges can I think up that don't violate the Geneva convention? Will ratings go up from last season? Find out today at the Total. DRAMA. HOOOUUUUUUSSSSEEEE!!!!!_

**TDH **

Courtney and the rest of the girls walked in silently glaring at each other, most at Courtney.

** Courtney took charge and briefly united the girls, who does she think she is? **Heather pondered **Me?**

The boys on the other hand walked in, laughing and joking, sharing high fives and fist bumps for all.

**We're getting along great. I mean, all these guys are my bros now. I would party with any of them, even Noah.**

Chris walked in and he and Chef started laughing.

"What's so funny?" Duncan said looking away from Courtney briefly.

"How are the teams working out?" Chris snickered.

"Good, Bro," Geoff said.

"Well, that's too bad because we're switching them up."

"What?" Noah asked, looking up from his book, "But... but..."

"No buts," Chris started to explain, "The producers and myself decided that one team working perfectly doesn't create a lot of Drama of the Total variety, so we created two new teams the Killer Squatters and the Screaming Lodgers, The Squatters are Justin, Courtney, Owen, Gwen, Noah, Katie and Sadie, Leshawna, and Lindsey. The Lodgers are Duncan, Geoff, DJ, Ezekiel, Cody, Heather, Trent, Harold, and Bridgette. These teams might bring more drama, but anyway, outside our next challenge has been set up so let's make our way out there, shall we?"

**TDH **

"Behind me is a badminton court, the true sport of kings," Chris began.

"Wait, we're playing badminton?" Harold asked, "That's the challenge? VICTORY! NO PAIN! NO-"

"Don't celebrate yet," Chris grabbed a box and opened it, "In this box are nine time release stink bombs. each has a varying time limit that we won't tell you about, and so each team will send one player at a time esssentially playing a hybrid of badminton and Hot potato. If the stink bomb blows on you the other team gets a point, the team that wins the most of the showdowns wins... capiche?" The players nodded, "Alright, first match up is Courtney from the Squatters and Duncan from the Lodgers." The two walked onto the court and were brought rackets by interns, "See what I said about Total Drama?" Chris winked at the cameras.

Courtney was handed the bomb and she hit it over the net, Duncan returned it which continued for a while before Duncan made a mistake and lobbed a high shot, which Courtney leapt up and spiked so hard that it got stuck in Duncan's racket, "No, No, No!" The bomb exploded and Duncan's eye began twitching a little.

"First round goes to the Squatters and Courtney!" Chris clapped, "Courtney was playing goodminton, while Duncan was truly playing awfulminton. Geoff vs. Gwen in 5...4...3...2...1"

Geoff served a high shot which Gwen volleyed back, the volley continued up Gwen sent a shot to a back Corner, which Geoff leapt to hit, he missed and the bomb blew up in his face.

"That's 2 for the squatters, come on Noah, can you beat Cody and keep the streak going?"

Cody walked up and winked at Gwen, swung and missed the birdie bomb, tried again, and failed again, and on the third time he hit the birdie, but his time was up and it exploded.

"So Cody and Noah got the 30 second one," Chris laughed.

"Go Noah!" Courtney cheered as Noah returned to the sidelines, she gave him a hug and he said, "Um, I need to go to the confessional."

"It's three-zip, come on Lodgers, let's see some rallying!" Chris pointed at Ezekiel, "Homeschool you and Lindsey are up.

Lindsey sent an easy shot over towards Ezekiel, who spiked the birdie hard into the ground, where it got stuck. Lindsey ran up and started trying to pull it out, she did and went to hit it, only to have Ezekiel smack it right back down and explode on her.

"And the Lodgers are on the board, Owen, can you quell the uprise against Trent?"

**TDH **

"After Trent destroyed Owen, the Lodgers won two more and the Squatters won one to tie it up at 4 each. Leaving DJ to take on Justin. Let's see some volleying!" The two walked out and DJ began to volley well, Justin, on the other hand, awkwardly returned the shots, until DJ sent a shot which Justin missed, and the birdie bomb hit Justin in the eye, dropping him to his knees.

"My eye!" Justin began crying as the bomb exploded, covering him in a foul odor, "I'm deformed!"

"You cry baby!" Noah yelled, "Where's your manhood?"

** Okay, I know that's a little OoC for me to yell such profanities, but he needed to hear that he's a cry baby. **

"Nice use of demoralization," Courtney congratulated Noah.

**SCORE!**

"And the Lodgers win the challenge, Squatters, good run. Lodgers, you don't get a reward other than immunity tonight, Squatters you have to go to the fire pit and vote off one of your players, need I remind you that Justin, Leshawna, Lindsey, Katie, and Owen all lost? I don't think I need to, see you tonight!"

**TDH **

"Welcome to the pits. Some of you have been here a lot, some only once. But that was another lifetime, tonight one of you doesn't get to go back in the house, there are eight keys and nine contestants. The first keys go to Gwen, Owen, and Leshawna. Katie and Sadie are also safe. Courtney, no need to call your lawyers, you're also safe. Leaving Lindsey and Justin, the hottest players in the game. Both of you suffered losses, Lindsey lost after getting creamed by Homeschool, Justin lost the whole challenge when he kept his eye to literally on the birdie, HAHAHAHAHA!!!" Chris looked and saw no one laughing, "Too soon? Anyways, Lindsey you're... safe. Justin, we'll see you later."

"I'm glad I'm being voted off," Justin said, "You don't deserve to look at my hideous face, perhaps I'll go live in a bell tower in-"

"Cut the theatrics and just go!" Chris said pointing at the gate.

_ Justin is the first to fall from the new teams, but he won't be the last. Five have gone and there's still 16 that need to fall before we crown a winner... will Heather be able to stay in the game on a team with no cronies? Will Courtney be able to keep her leadership role? What will happen next time? To find out you'll just have to come back to the Total. DRAMA. HOUUUUUUSSSSSEEEEE!!!!!_


	8. Chapter 8

8.

Noah stood in the shower, vigourously rubbing Head and Shoulders into his hair. He got out, toweled off anf got dressed, before walking up stairs and down the hall to Courtney and Gwen's room, he opened the door and saw Gwen sitting alone.

"Where's Courtney?"

"Why do you care?"

"I... well... did I say Courtney? Ugh, I was looking for Heather's room. Silly me," Noah nervously left.

"What was Noah doing here?" Courtney asked as she walked in.

"Oh, he was looking for Heather."

TDH 

"Alright, so we need a new alliance, dudes," Geoff said taking off his hat.

"Yeah, I know," Trent said bouncing his leg nine times, "With some of our guys gone-"

"Relax, we only have two girls on our team, and Bridgette will easily vote with us, if we lose, Heather will go," Duncan said assuredly, "Trust me, we have nothing to worry about."

TDH 

"Ah, Courtney, you're back." Noah said walking into Courtney's room.

"I thought Gwen said you were looking for Heather."

"What... oh, No I was looking for you, I don't know where she got the idea I was looking for... oh silly Gwen."

"Can I help you with something?" Courtney said taking off her sweater, "Is it hot in here?"

"Um... you are hot in here, and..." Noah began tugging at his shirts collar, "I mean it is hot in here and... I got two passes to leave the grounds!"

"And how does that affect me?"

"Well, I only need one, and of my new teammates I know you the least, and we need a tight nit group if we want to triumph over the competing team."

"I guess that's true enough, sure I'll go with you."

TDH 

"So you were in your student government as well?" Courtney asked, as the waiter walked up to the table.

"Sort of, I- Oh, Hello, um I'll take the burger, burnt to a crisp with a root beer and she'll have..."

"Oh, I'll have the same, with the $5 shake, strawberry." Courtney smiled as the waiter, dressed like Buddy Holly walked off, "These 50's diners are so much fun! Anyways, you were saying?"

"Well, I um, staged a puppet student government which diverted most of the funds to the clubs I participated in. I never technically ran, but I did uh... run the school." Noah nervously laughed, scratching at his neck, "Um, I have a question for you as well... Did you seriously order the $5 shake?"

TDH 

"Noah, that was a lot of fun," Courtney smiled as Noah walked her up to the porch, "We should do it again sometime."

"You mean, like... a date?"

"Well, not exactly, I mean I'm with Duncan, so just as friends, but if I become single anytime soon, maybe we could do it like a date." She smiled and walked off.

"Hells to the fuck yes!" Noah said.

TDH 

"So, Bridgette," Geoff walked in and sat on her bed, "I was thinking about us."

"Yeah," Bridgette smiled and scooted a little closer to Geoff.

"And now that we're on the same team again I don't have to break up with you."

"What the fuck does that mean?" Bridgette glared at Geoff.

"Well, if we had stayed on opposite teams for the sake of not putting our feelings first I was probably going to break up with you for the rest of the competition."

"Fuck you, Geoff," Bridgette said pointing towards the door.

"But... But..." Geoff stammered as the door was slammed in his face, "I was only thinking of YOU!"


	9. Chapter 9

9.

_ Last time on Total Drama House, the Guys and Girls teams were mixed up leaving the Killer Squatters and the Screamin Lodgers. The two new teams went head to head in badminton, with a twist, the birdie was a time activated stink bomb. Some players rocked, while others reeked. In the end the Lodgers won the first challenge and the Squatters went to the fire pit and Justin was sent home after losing the match that lost the challenge. Will the Squatters rally behind Courtney? Will the Lodgers win again? What Drama will happen today at the Total. DRAMA. HOOOOUUUUUSSSEEEE!!!!_

TDH 

"But Bridge!"

"Don't but Bridge me," Bridgette said, putting her legs on the seat next to her to block Geoff from taking a seat, "You were going to do it anyways."

"Only if we stayed on other teams," Geoff said moving to sit across from her, "I only would have done it to ease your mind, you're just doing it to be mean!"

"What's with the make out team?" Duncan said sitting next to Cody.

"From what I'm gathering... they broke up."

"Wait," Ezekiel said, "A hot blonde is available?"

"I'm single," Bridgette said facing Ezekiel, "But I'm definitly not available."

"So, Courtney," Noah said sitting next to Courtney, "You ready for the challenge today?"

"You know it!" Courtney smiled.

"Hey, Princess, did you see how Party boy just got his ass handed to him?"

"You do realize you're on their team, don't you?" Noah said, "Ergo their mental anguish will impede their performance."

"No, he doesn't realize," Courtney smiled, "Which is why the Squatters will win today."

"What ever helps you keep your food down," Duncan said as Chris and Chef walked into the room.

"For todays challenge we actually have to go on a bit of a field trip, if everyone will make their wan to the bus outside..."

TDH 

17 anvils were hung from the rafters of a warehouse, 17 chairs were positioned underneath them.

"Today is a take on Chicken or go. Everyone will sit under an anvil. Each chair, by the way, has two buttons on it a red and a green. Each time it's your turn you will hit one of the buttons, green your rope gets a slight cut, the red and you lose and get out of the chair. The last player in their chair wins it for their team."

"That is such a great idea!" Geoff exclaimed, "Why didn't I think of that?"

"Alright, everyone go take a seat," All the contestants walked over and sat in the seats with their names on them, "We'll start over here do a player from the Lodgers, then Squatters, and back and forth... got it?" Chris looked around, "Duncan... chicken or go?"

TDH 

"So far no one's chickened out, and we-"

"Chris," Duncan said, "You've only asked me, was that fade out really necessary?"

"When you get your own TV show you can decide when and where to put fade outs, Noah?" Noah hit the green button.

"Ezekiel?" Green.

"Owen?" Green.

"DJ?" Green.

"Katie?" Green.

"Sadie?" Red, "Sadie, you chickened out? What gives?"

"Well, if I get flattened... then I would be away from Katie!"

"Awwwww!!! I changed my answer, Chris! I want to chicken out too!"

"Fine," Chris said, "That means two Lodgers have chickened out."

TDH 

"After an hour in the ware house we are down to seven: Noah, Courtney, and Gwen for the Squatters and Duncan, Geoff, Trent, and Ezekiel for the Lodgers," Chris walked over to stand by Duncan, "Duncan, you've said go 7 times now, thats seven times that saw blade has brushed your rope, it's getting pretty weak, isn't it? You know the question..."

"And you know the answer!" Duncan hit the green button.

"Noah?"

** I had to be brave to further impress Courtney. **

"I'm out," Noah said while hitting the Red button.

**But courage has never been a gift of mine.**

"And then there were six! Trent?"

"It's only been seven, I'm still in!" Trent hit the green buttton and illicited cheers from his team.

"Court-" Courtney hit the green button and glared at Duncan.

"Geoff?"

"Um, Well, Bro... this is a super scary challenge and I love your gusto, but I have to cut out!" Geoff hit the red button and leapt out of his chair, expecting the anvil to fall.

"And then there were FIVE!" Chris walked over to Ezekiel," What about you Homeschool? Did you learn how to tell how many cuts it takes to weaken a rope enough to snap?"

"Seven is more than enough for me," Ezekiel stood up and walked to sit with the other chickens.

TDH 

"Trent, your rope has been cut nine times now, will you push it to ten?"

"No, I never tempt fate like that." Trent hit his red button and walked off.

"Gwen, will you join your man?"

"I think I will," Gwen said bowing out of the competition.

"And just like that only Courtney and Duncan were left."

"Hey, Princess, what if we both go out together? You know hit them simultaneously and then niether team loses."

"He makes a good point," Chris said walking past the pair, "If you both lose, niether team really does."

"Fine, on the count of three, alright?" Courtney nodded.

"1...2...3..." Courtney hit the red button while Duncan hit the green.

"With a clever trick, Duncan has just won the challenge for the Lodgers!" Chris laughed, "Squatters, back to the fire pits for you all!"

TDH 

"Me and Chef are still laughing about how Duncan faked you out, Courtney. I mean... that's was hi-to the-larious. But, we must leave the hilarity for a moment and move onto something much more serious... the elimination of another squatter. Even though she was psyched out of the win, Courtney, you're safe, as is Leshawna. Gwen, Owen, Noah, and Lindsey are all also safe. Which leaves Katie, Sadie, and only one key."

"What?" Katie asked, nearly crying.

"I might have to go on without Katie?"

"No, Katie will have to go without you," Chris threw the last key to Katie, "Vaya con Dios, Sadie."

"I'll miss you!" Katie yelled following Chef and Sadie to the van.

"I already miss you!"

"I already miss you!"

_Well, it goes on like that for about an hour, you are SO lucky we edit thes episodes. Will the Squatters continue to suck? Will the Lodgers luck run out? What will be the ramifications of Duncans tomfoolery? How about Geoff and Bridgette's breakup? Find out next time at the Total. DRAMA. HOOOUUUUUSSSSSEEEEE!!!!_


	10. Chapter 10

10.

"Dude, me and Bridgette are officially broken up," Geoff said slumping onto his bed, "Harold, do you know what I'm going through?"

"Being that me and Leshawna are 100% on the level," Harold said from his bed, looking up from his laptop, "No, I don't."

"Well, I mean, it makes a guy think," Geoff put his hat on his bed post, "Ifall asleep in Makeout City, I wake up in Splitsville."

"Frankly Geoff," Harold went back to typing, "I frankly don't care. You and Duncan have been assholes to me ever since season one, why would I counsel you?" Harold stood up, and walked out of the room.

TDH 

"Hey, Babe," Duncan said poking his head into Courtney and Gwen's room.

"Hey Duncan," Gwen laughed, "Courtney's not in right now, but she told me to tell you... oh, what was it now... oh yeah! Fuck off!"

"What did I do?"

"You tricked her into throwing away a competition."

"Other than that what did I do?"

"I am so glad Trent isn't thick like you."

"Did she say where she was going?"

"No," Gwen sat on her bed and looked over at Duncan, "All I know is that I'm going to be alone in here for awhile."

TDH 

"So... you're what?" Cody asked, "Seducing Courtney?"

"You know it!" Noah said running his hand through his hair, "Hell, I'm even dandruff free now."

"Yeah," Cody put his head in his hands for a minute before removing them, "But she's Duncan's girl!"

"For now."

TDH 

"EVERYBODY HURTS!!!" Geoff moaned, "SOOOMMmmeeetiimmmmeess!!!"

"You alright?" Duncan walked into Geoff and Harold's room.

"NO!" Geoff sat up, "Bridgette left me."

"You told her about your plan, didn't you?" Duncan moaned a little as Geoff nodded, "We told you not to!"

"Yeah," Geoff said, looking up at Duncan through tear filled eyes, "But I did... and now Bridge is guh-guh-gooooonnnnnneeeee!!!"

"Yeah, which is what we said she was going to do, that was a stupid plan," Duncan shook his head, "Off topic, but have you seen Courtney?"

"Yeah..." Geoff sniffled, "Her and Noah walked by about an hour ago."

TDH 

"I was kind of suprised that you were made single so soon," Noah said, "This shake IS worth $5."

"Well, after what Duncan did I couldn't stay with him," Courtney smiled, "Yeah, isn't it delicious?"

"So, does this kind of make us in an alliance?"

"Perhaps," Courtney smiled, "Perhaps more... we'll have to see how the night goes."

TDH 

"Duncan?" Geoff asked as he sat up next to Duncan.

"Yeah?"

"Do we suck at relationships?"

"Seems like it."

"Wait... you... you got laid tonight?!"

"Maybe..."

"You got dumped and laid in the same afternoon?" Geoff said punching his bed, "I'm so fucking envious!"

"It's not like what it seems," Duncan walked to the door and looked around, "If Trent finds out I nailed his girlfriend... if Courtney finds out!"

"You aren't dating Courtney," Geoff put his hat on, "I have to off grounds passes that I was going to use with Bridge, but you and me need a guys night, come on, Boy Wonder, we're going to get laid!"

TDH 

"So, I feel like I haven't made an impression this season," Heather said to Lindsey and Harold who sat at the end of her bed.

"Well, you just haven't been given any real oppurtunities." Harold said, "But now that Geoff and Bridgette have split, I was thinking you could easily swoop in and... well, do whatever you do. Now if you'll excuse me, Leshawna calls."

"Lindsey, go bring me Geoff."

TDH 

"Who's party is this again?"

"I don't know I just scanned facebook friends and friends of friends statuses. It's easier to find a party than you'd think."

"Well, I don't really feel like picking up whores at a strangers bash."

"I do!" Geoff said looking around, "Guess I don't... the only chick here above a five is that chick that's standing on that table shaped like the number five. Let's am-scray, brohan."

TDH 

Geoff slammed the brakes on the car Chris loaned them, and his head hit the wheel and he began crying.

"Dude, you're crying." Duncan said nervously looking around, "It's freaking me out."

"I fucking love Bridgette! I went to that party trying to find some slut to knock my junk around, but all I want is Bridgette!"

"Well, if you're going to cry, I'm bailing."

"No, we have one more mission tonight!" Geoff said, making a weird box with his hands around his eyes, "We're going to bag Bridgette!"

"Um, what was with the weird hand box eye thing?"

"Well, in a movie there would have been a rapid zoom on my eyes..." Geoff said, "Yeah... that's about it."


	11. Chapter 11

11.

_Last time at the Total Drama House, The teams went to an abandoned wearhouse and tested their courage while anvils hung by strands above their heads. Some chickened out fast, others lasted longer, others were tricked out of a victory by their... as rumor has it, ex-boyfriend. Duncan tricked Courtney and won the game for the Lodgers, which angered Courtney... wow, something angered Courtney, anyway, the Squatters returned to the fire pit and sent home one of the Dead-behind-the-Eyes Duo: Sadie. Will Courtney stay broken up with Duncan? Will the Squatters continue to suck? Will our ratings keep going up? Find out today at the Total. DRAMA. HHHHOOOUUUUSSSSSEEEE!!!! _

TDH 

"Good morning girls!" Chris said walking down the hallway of the top level of the House, "Are you ready to eat breakfast?"

"I am so ready to eat," Bridgette said walking out of her room.

**Okay, so I may or may not eat my feelings.**

"Well, then aren't you going to be pissed?" Chris laughed, "For some reason this year a few challenges start with us starving you, but don't worry everyone get's fed later today, just make your way downstairs."

TDH 

The girls and Chris walked into the living room, to find it empty.

"Where are the-" Heather began to ask.

"THE MADNESS!!! THE MADNESS!!!" Harold ran out of the basement, green splatters on his pajamas, soon the other guys came running out, being chased by green paintballs, being shot by Chef.

"You read the Bible. Geoff?" Chef laughed as he shot at Geoff, "Because there's this little passage I've got memorized, sort of... oh, hey Chris."

"Chef, what did I tell you about... never mind," Chris motioned for the students to follow him as the party moved down the hall, Chris explained the challenge, "A vital cog in the watch that is a house is cleaning, primarily in the spring-"

"But it's summer," Heather snorted.

"Irrelevant, remember, I am a wizard in the magic of television!"

**Okay, I was told I have to do a disclaimer: This show in no way endorses the black arts or the occult, the "magic of television" is a metaphor, so parents groups STAY OFF OUR BACKS!!! Thank you. **

"And, due to my wizardry We can magic it to spring! Or, to save money we'll just pretend," Chris stopped outside of two rooms right next to each other, "These rooms behind me are full of various gross messes and mayhem you have to clean. There's broken furniture, dirty laundry, a bunch of stuff, team with the cleanest room when I return... well, you know the drill."

** At home, I have a maid, I 've never cleaned my own room, why would I clean some one else's? And I don't have anyone I can trick into doing it for me... Wait, yes I do.**

Chris opened the doors and ushered the Squatters into the right room, the Lodgers into the left, "I'll be back in an couple hours, me and Chef have a spa man-date time to go get my mud bath on!"

TDH 

"Hey, Geoff," Heather said putting her hands on Geoff's shoulders, massaging a little, "How are you doing?"

"Um, fine, Heather," Geoff looked over at a pile of what Geoff assumed was green chili, "I'm not totally upset with your advances, but... we have a challenge."

"Yeah," Heather said walking over to a large stain on the floor, "It will be a challenge to focus on something other than you."

**Piece of Cake.**

** Um... so there's this Lonely Island song... sort of fits the occasion.**

TDH 

"You're kidding me!" Courtney said stepping away from the pile of green jelly on the floor infront of her.

"Wait..." Gwen said looking down at a weird pile of worms, "What's that they're..."

"Alright," Leshawna said pulling Gwen away from the pile, "We need to start right away, how about we divide into a few teams and tackle the various jobs."

"I'll supervise." Noah said leaning up against the wall, "You start the work and I'll be here."

"That's funny," Courtney said grabbing Noah's hand, they both stopped and stared at each other for a minute before Courtney swung Noah away from the wall.

TDH 

"So, uh, Heather," Geoff said walking up to her, "I was thinking maybe I could help you clean, you know, work side by side?"

"I'd prefer front to front."

"Ooooh," Geoff started to shake a little, "Would you now?"

"Uh-huh."

"Yo, Geoff," Duncan and DJ walked over, "What's witht he no working?"

"Dude, can't you see I'm seducing?"

"No," Cody smirked, "Duncan can't see stuff like that, that's why he hasn't realized that Noah's seducing Courtney... wait, I wasn't supposed to tell Duncan that."

"What the %#$ did you just say?"

"I said that... um... OH MY GOODNESS! IS THAT EMILIE-CLAIRE BARLOW?!?!"

"Nice try, $$ wipe." Duncan said grabbing Cody and holding him up against the wall.

"Guys, stop your fighting!" Ezekiel yelled, "We have already wasted valuable time, put down your swords and pick up feather dusters! We're going to get our clean on!"

TDH 

"Done!" Lindsey exclaimed as she took the last bag of garbage out of the room.

"Wow, we can actually work well together," Gwen said.

"You know it, girl."

"We've so got this in the bag," Courtney said smiling at Noah.

TDH 

"SSSSSPPPPPIIIIDDDDERRRR!!!!" DJ shrieked and dropped the desk he and Duncan were moving, causing it to break again.

"That's not a spider," Duncan reached into his pocket and pulled out a picture of a tarantula, which sent DJ into a crying fit, "THAT'S a spider."

"I'm getting out!" DJ ran out, "This is a mad house! A MAD HOUSE!!!"

"I don't think he's coming back, bro." Geoff said.

"And I can't move this desk alone!"

"I'll help!" Cody said walking over.

"No way," Duncan said, "You just dropped a bombshell and a half on me, stay away for your own safety."

"I'm small, but I'm wiry, I can handle myself," Cody said gently punching Duncan's shoulder. Duncan looked down and then punched Cody in the face, knocking him to the floor.

"You all saw it, he attacked me... it was... self defense."

TDH 

"Time's up!" Chris yelled from the hallway and the two teams left their rooms, "Lodgers, did you lose this?" DJ stood next to Chef, "Alright, I'll go into each room and judge it, starting with the two time loser Squatters." Chris walked over and into their room.

"And the Squatters win the challenge!"

"But you didn't even look in our room!" Heather yelled.

"Yeah, what she said." Geoff said, "Oh hey Bridge, you may have met my new girlfriend... Heather."

"Don't push it Party Boy," Heather said.

"Yes, Ma'am."

"I'm the host, and you guys can't have done a better job than they did. I mean, they even changed the garbages and put in stress relief candles."

"Where did they get stress relief candles?"

"Doesn't matter," Chris said, "What does matter is that the Lodgers are making their first trip to the elimination pit, and the Squatters have all earned get out of the house passes to be used tonight for a night on the town. Squatters, enjoy your night, Lodgers, I'll see you soon."

TDH 

"Lodgers, it was bound to happen, you couldn't keep ducking fate. Here you are and you have to send someone home. There are 8 keys and 9 players. The keys go to Cody, Heather, Geoff, Bridgette, Trent, Ezekiel, and Harold. One more key, and DJ and Duncan, two of the games favorite players. Duncan... you were lucky last year going to the finals, and you got lucky early this season when you tricked Courtney, and your luck continues, DJ, you're out."

DJ got up and hugged some of the guys and made it to the gate before he began crying.

_The Lodgers lose their first battle and DJ is their first casualty. Who will win next week? What's with all the love triangles? Where DID the Squatters find those stress relief candles? Find out next time at the Total. DRAMA. HHHHHOOOOOUUUUSSSSSEEEEEE!!!!!!_


	12. Chapter 12

12.

_Last time on Total Drama House, The Squatters and the Lodgers took part in the summer time ritual of Spring Cleaning. While the Squatters worked hard togehter and cleaned their room in an amazing time, the Lodgers just tried to clean each others clocks, and at the fire pit two of the games best players were on the block and DJ went home, it seems running of and abandoning your team due to a spider can have ramifications of the negative kind. This week the teams have a very different challenge and only one team can win. Have the Squatters gotten a formula for victory? Will the Geoff, Heather, Bridgette love triangle lead to a love lock down for the Lodgers? Will we need to call the paramedics? Find out today on Total. DRAMA. !!!!! _

TDH 

Duncan walked past Noah, purposefully bumping into him. As the nerdy boy fell, Duncan scoffed and kept walking.

"Duncan, aren't you going to apologize?" Courtney asked as she helped Noah up.

"Wasn't going," Duncan said as he stopped, "Still not going to."

"Well, that was a jerk thing you just did," Noah said.

"Um, Dude, you stole my girlfriend," Duncan said walking up to Noah, "You're not really on the moral high ground."

"Um, It was like stealing something that already belonged to me," Noah said as Duncan brought his hand back for a punch.

"Stop the fighting!" Ezekiel ran up and pulled Duncan back, as Trent and Geoff also ran up.

"Dude," Trent said, "Remember when you stole my girlfriend?"

"Vaguely," Duncan said as he turned and went and sat down.

"You!" Trent pointed at Noah, "Back off, next time we won't come and stop him."

"Did I miss something?" Chris asked as he and Chef walked into the dining room, "Regardless, you have a challenge today," Chef took a camera to both of the team tables, "Another vital part of a house hold is the making of Home Videos, but, because we don't have the time to wait for a golden video to happen the two teams are going to STAGE priceless home video moments. Then, Chef will watch the videos and the one he laughs at the most will be deemed the victor. The team that made the better video wins group immunity and a night at the movies, the losing team has to vote a player off. You have from the end of breakfast until High Noon, which is coming on the classic movie channel at 5. So, start with the staging of precious memories. Have fun."

TDH 

"There's always the classic nut shot." Duncan tossed out the idea, "You know, with a pinata, or stepping on something, or... really anything that results in a guy getting hit in the huevos."

"Or," Ezekiel suggested, "We could dress us all up like babies and laugh, laughing babies are infectious."

"Or not." Trent said.

"We've got to do something," Geoff said, "I suggest filming me and Heather making out."

"Terrible idea," Bridgette said getting up and leaving.

"I don't know," Heather said, "It's not the WORST idea I've heard," everyone turned and glared at Ezekiel.

TDH 

"Um, what about a nut shot video?" Owen suggested.

"That's good, but who's going to volunteer to take it in the huevos?" Noah said coldly.

"It can't be a girl." Gwen said, "Which means it has to be You or Owen."

"Well, it was his idea," Noah said.

"Wait... I don't want to get hit in the nuts."

"What if we did a montage of BOTH of you getting kicked, hit, etc..." Gwen said.

"That's good," Courtney said, "Let's start rigging some situations: We need a pinata, a soccer ball, a skateboard and a rail, and a tee ball and bat."

"Wait, don't bats get in people's hair?" Lindsey asked.

TDH 

"Seriously," Ezekiel said, "The babies thing would make me laugh," He started laughing, "See?"

"What did I miss?" Bridgette asked walking in, her eyes puffy and red.

"Whoa Bridge," Geoff asked standing up, "Have you been..."

"No, I haven't been crying."

"No, I was going ask if you'd been... you know oking-smay ot-pay."

"You're a real d^#! sometimes." Bridgette said walking over and sitting next to Trent.

"What did I say?"

"Nothing, Geoff," Heather said motioning him to sit back down, "Wait, what about a prank video?"

"Explain." Trent said.

"Well, we could have people doing something and set up a prank to happen to those people, and film the reaction."

"That's actually pretty good," Duncan said.

"Well, that's why I beat you last season."

TDH 

Owen placed the ball on the tee, and faced the blindfolded Katie, "Are we past the point of no re-" Katie swung and nailed Owen.

"Ooooo," Courtney said, "Um, big guy, the camera was rolling, Katie we'll have to do it again."

TDH 

Duncan took the camera and held it so he was in the shot, "Alright, we call this, Toilet Terminator! Trent's in the shower, dressed like a killer and he'll jump out when Harold sits down on the toilet, let's watch."

"Uh, Chef's breakfast was good, but... it's having adverse effects on my colon." Harold said sitting down, which caused Trent to fling open the shower curtain and leap out.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" Harold screamed, "On the plus side I was on the toilet, so that worked to my favor."

TDH 

Noah stood in the make shift goal in the backyard. As Gwen and Leshawna kicked the ball back and forth, finally Gwen let one rip and sent the ball to it's actual goal, causing Noah to drop and throw up his hands.

TDH 

"Heather's about to brush her teeth," Bridgette said into the camera, "But we mixed her toothpaste with hot sauce and powdered jalapeno peppers! We call it Dental Hellgyne."

Heather walked up to the sink and put the paste on her brush and began brushing, only to throw down her brush and scream, running out of the bath room. Duncan and Bridgette bent over laughing.

TDH 

Owen walked through the yard, purposefully "not seeing" the rake in the grass, he stepped on it and the rake bounced off his gut.

"Maybe Noah should do this one," Leshawna suggested.

TDH 

The two teams sat in the living room around the TV, when Chris and Chef walked in, "What are you doing in here?"

"Um, aren't we going to watch these videos?" Harold asked, "Because I got filmed screaming and going numbers 1 and 2 simultaneously, so if we're not watching these there will be blood."

"We're watching them alright," Chef said, but we're going to the Home theater."

"Come, follow," Chris said motioning for the kids to follow.

TDH 

"My God," Harold said as Chris turned on the lights, "It's full of chairs!"

"Yup, it's a 50 seater," Chris said, the seats are essentially pillows, but with suprising lumbar support. Anyways, pass your cameras to the intern who'll be our projectionist." Duncan and Courtney walked the cameras over, glared at each other and walked back to their teams, "Alright, Chef will watch from the opera box and rate the two videos out of ten, the higher score wins."

The videos ran their courses, getting laughs from Chef until the final bit of the Lodgers video.

**Am I seriously the only one who appreciates laughing babies?**

Ezekiel had filmed himself in a diaper laughing, and edited it onto the end of the video. When the lights came back on all the students turned and stared at Chef, who just stared blankly at the screen until he finally broke the silence of the room, "What fresh hell was that?"

"Um, a laughing baby?" Ezekiel stated.

"That was creepy," Chef said, "The Squatters win for not being disturbing as $!!."

The Squatters started cheering as all Lodgers eyes were drawn to Ezekiel.

TDH 

"You guys put together some funny stuff, except that baby thing, that was just... well... down right creepy. Any ways, keys go to Duncan, Harold, Geoff, Heather, Bridgette, Cody, and Trent. I'm not even going ot bother with the drama, because we all knew Ezekiel was going home."

"Vidi, Vini... well, I didn't Vici... " Ezekiel said as he got in the van and was diven off.

_The Squatters win again and the Lodgers really seem to be falling apart. Find out how far thet fall next time at the Total. DRAMA. HHHHOOOOOUUUUUUSSSSEE!!!!! _


	13. Chapter 13

13.

"So, what does this mean for us?" Cody said, rubbing the back of his head.

"Us?" Noah asked as he generously supplied cologne to his neck, "What us?"

"We're friends," Cody said standing up, "I mean... we were... are we still?"

"Maybe," Noah turned to face Cody, "If you had a date with Gwen and I came to your room and bitched and moaned to you about a dissolution of our union, what would YOU do?"

"Probably the same thing you're doing," Cody leaned back up against the chest of drawers, "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Noah said smirking as he walked out the door, "Don't worry twice about it."

TDH 

"So, uh, Heather... what are you doing tonight?" Geoff asked as he poked his head into Heather's room.

"I don't know, what do you have in mind?"

"Um, well... they are totally showing Animal House at a local old school theatre, and well... you know..."

"No," Heather stood up and walked slowly over to Geoff, "I don't know," Heather started to walk her fingers on Geoff's chest, "I'm just a silly little girl and I need you to officially ask me."

"Want to go out?"

"You know it," Heather said grabbing her purse, "Let's go."

TDH 

"Hey, Trent?" Bridgette said from Trent's doorway.

"Oh, hey Bridgette, what can I do you for? I mean do for you?"

"I've been taking," Bridgette walked over and sat on Trent's bed next to him, "I've been taking this break up with Geoff really hard." She turned and made eye contact with Trent for a moment before they both looked away.

"Well, Geoff's a good guy," Trent got up and walked towards his door, "In a totally not gay way, he's pretty awesome." Trent looked both ways down the hall and shut the door, "And he's really-" Bridgette stood up and started walking towards Trent, "Hey, Bridgette, not that I don't want to... just..." He grabebd her and the two began kissing passionately.

TDH 

"That was a really good movie, Noah," Courtney said as the pair left the Theatre, "I really enjoyed it."

"You know, my personal favorite part was the directors use of the motif of the number 5 in the background. It really added to the-" Courtney turned and put her finger on Noah's lips, She then removed it once he stopped talking, "Was it... was it something I said?"

"I just think there are better uses for your mouth," Courtney leaned in and planted a kiss on Noah's lips.

TDH 

Trent and Bridgette made their way across the room and sat down on Trent's bed, still kissing, "Bridgette, I just want you to know... that... um... I forgot what I was going to say!"

"I know something to say," Gwen said as she walked into the room, "Trent, we're through."

"Gwen, this isn't what it... well... it's actually probably EXACTLY what it looks like," Trent said turning away from Bridgette, "But, I didn't-"

"Fuck... and pay special attention to this second part, YOU!" Gwen slammed the door as she left.

"Um, Trent..." Bridgette grabbed Trent.

"Why not, I guess I'm single now."

TDH 

Gwen walked down the hallway towards Duncan's room, she opened the door to hear Air Supply music, "Duncan?"

"Wha-what?" Duncan looked up from his pillow, tears streamed down his face, "Gw-Gwen, what are you doing here?"

"Well, that whore fucker I used to date is up stairs with Bridgette," Gwen pulled Duncan's desk chair up next to his bed, "What about you?"

"Well, Courtney, who I am totally over and not attracted to at all," Duncan said, "Is out on another date with that wimp bitch Noah."

"Seems like both our love lives have gone of the course," Gwen smirked, "We're both 'Lost in Love'?"

"Fuck off," Duncan smiled.

"Well, see?" Gwen put her hand under Duncan's chin and tipped his head up so she could look in his eyes, "Was it really that hard to smile?"

"I guess not," Duncan sat up, "Hey, we're both single right?"

"Yeah," Gwen smiled.

"So for once," Duncan kissed her, "we won't be causing a scandal."

TDH 

"So, Geoff," Heather said putting her hand in Geoff's as they left the theatre, "What do we do now?"

"Well, there's a party over-" Heather put her hands on her hips, "What?"

"A party? Really?" Heather looked at him, "You have the hottest girl in the game and you want to go to a party?"

"What are you-" Heather kissed Geoff, "Oh, that's what you're saying."


	14. Chapter 14

14.

_ LAST time on Total Drama House, we gave some monkeys cameras, but they didn't film the works of George Lucas... wait... that's not the saying is it? Anyway both teams got cameras and were told to film videos that would make Chef laugh... they did for the most part except for a creepy video of Ezekiel in a diaper, which led to the Homeschool Homeboy making a very hasty exit from the show. Will our collective psyche ever recover from that blow? Will the Squatters keep on keeping on? Will the Lodgers ever get back on the winning track? Find out today at the Total. DRAMA. HHHOOOUUUUSSSEEE!!!!_

TDH 

"Am I the only one who thinks last night was crazy?" Trent said sitting down at the Lodger table.

"Nope," Duncan said, "Last night was incredibly crazy."

"Yeah, it was," Bridgette said sitting down next to Trent, "But fun."

"Yeah, Fun." Duncan, Trent, Geoff, and Heather said collectively.

"It seems like everyone's having a good morning," Chris said walking in dressed like a General, "And luckily I'm here to ruin it!"

"What's with the get up, Patton?" Noah sneered.

"Today we're ressurrecting an old favorite, the Cold War."

"I can't believe you just said that," Courtney said looking around, "That's so polit-"

"What's going to go down is various cold based challenges," Chris said, "The name is just a marketing ploy. So outside there are a few classic water themed toys and things, but the twist is the've all been filled with ice cold water."

"If they were actually ice cold then they would be frozen, ergo non moving and that would defeat really any point of having running water," Noah stated.

"Oh come on, Courtney!" Duncan stood up and yelled, "Him over me?"

"Shut your hole, Duncan!" Chris said, "The water is extremely cold, okay, that better, Noah? Each player will attempt stage one, only a few will be tough enough to go to round two, and only a few more to round three, the winning team gets a night of access to the hot tub at the top of the grotto mountain in the back yard, the losers must eliminate a player from the game, let's go out and have some fun, But you might want to grab your bathing suits."

TDH 

"See the 20 sprinklers?" Chris pointed, and Chef turned on the water, activating the sprinklers, "Run through the sprinklers, there is a red button down there that you must hit to advance. GO!" The two teams started to make their way through the sprinklers, but Katie, Noah, Cody, and Leshawna only made it past the first three, before they stepped out of the way. By the middle of the run Trent, Geoff, Heather, Lindsey, Harold, and Gwen jumping off the path, Leaving Owen, Duncan, and Courtney as the only players to make it through the first stage.

"Congrats to the three going onto the next round," Chris smiled, "But shame you losers!" Chris turned and glared at the people that took themselves out of the competition.

"I didn't see your skinny butt running through that icy water!" Leshawna shot back.

"Because I'm in an Army dress Uniform," Chris said snapping to attention, "It's be most ubefitting of an officer. Alright, round two the Slip and Ice... yeah... there were only so many ways we could spin that one, anyway Another red button, but to get to it you must slide down the entire path of this run. Courtney, let's see how far you can go!" Courtney winked at Noah took a running head start and slid down the slide, stopped, shivered, then pulled herself the rest of the way and hit the button.

** I am not going to give in, even though I... A-AH-AAHHCCHOOO... I may have developed a cold.**

"Well, well, well," Chris nodded a little, "Chick's got guts, Owen, you're up."

**I haven't used one of thse since I was little... I had a bad accident in which I got a burn all over my back like when my cousin drug me around the carpet during both intermissions of the 2003 Montreal vs. Toronto game. It hurt like a son of a gun. But long story short... I don't use slip and slides.**

"BANZAI!" Owen ran, leapt and landed a few inches short of the start of the slide.  
"Hate to break it to you Owen, but because you didn't make it onto the run, you can't technically finish, sorry." Chris said helping Owen up, "Duncan, get over here." Duncan walked over to the deck, grabbed a lawn chair, folded it and threw it on the run like a boogie board. He then proceeded to run and jump, causing the chair to slide the length of the run and allowed Duncan to walk off and touch the red button.

**The greatest mind any warrior can have is his mind. And a nuke.**

"It seems we have one final challenge, to the swimming pool!"

TDH 

"Chris," Chef yelled, "The temperature is at 1 degree."

"Told you it wasn't ice cold," Noah scoffed.

"Shut your hole," Chris siad pointing at Noah, "Courtney and Duncan get in the pool, who ever stays in the longest wins, let's get the Coldest part of the Cold War, the Former Lovers War! Let's see the Total Drama as it unfolds."

TDH 

"They've stayed in the pool for FIVE hours," Chris walked closer to the pool, "Courtney, want a tissue? You're nose is running quite a bit."

"Ch-Ch-Ch-Chris, I don't a-aaachhooo! Appreciate your patronizing!"

"What about you Duncan?"

"I'm good," Duncan smiled, "I would like a glass of ice water, I'm nearly sweating."

**My veins are full of ice, Chris can't so sh-**

"You want out, Prin-"

"If you c-c-call me P-p-p-princess, I'll c-c-c-cut off your baaaaacchhooo!"

"Fine," Duncan reclined on the underwater bench, "Hey, Chris can we swim around or do we have to stay still?"

"Do what ever you want," Chris said polishing one of his phony medals with Chef's apron.

Duncan swam around a little and the turned and splashed Courtney, "D-D-D-DUNCAN! What the f-f-f-f!#%?"

"Well, Courtney, technically he hasn't broken any rules, splash him back why not?" Chris said posing as Chef started painting a portrait, "Make sure you capture my stubble."

TDH 

"Done." Chef said as he presented the finished portrait to Chris.

"Very good, and you captured the stubble, well done Vincent Van Chef," Chris smiled, "Alright, we have just passed the nine hour mark and Duncan and Courtney are like frozen prunes right now. Either of you want out?"

"NEVER!" Courtney defiantly yelled.

"Hey Courtney," Duncan swam over and put his arm around her, "The cold always turns me on."

"I'm out," Courtney pulled herself out of the pool and ran to the pile of towels.

"Oh thank God," Duncan pulled himself out, "I have been freezing like a snowman for the past few hours."

"Duncan, for your determination you have won the Lodgers a night of access to the hot tub, here's the gate key," Chris turned to the Squatters, "You losers have to go to the fire pit, and eliminate the player you deem weakest, see you in 25."

TDH 

"Aaaahhhh..." Duncan smiled as he slid into the hot tub.

"Hey Geoff," Heather sat down, "Why don't you come sit by me?"

"As you wish, Chicky Babe," Geoff scootched over.

"Hey, Trent," Bridgette put her arms around Trent's neck, "I'm still a little cold, can you hold me for warmth?"

"Hey, can you couples all knock it off," Duncan said as he reclined, "I don't want to listen to your "romantic" babble."

TDH 

"Well, the Cold Wars over and you guys lost... how's it feel?" Chris looked around, "Well, there are 6 keys, 7 kids... Noah, the math says one of you can't get a key, but you get one, as does Leshawna, Lindsey, Gwen, and... Owen. Which leaves Courtney and Katie, was Courtney eliminated for being strong? Or was Katie eliminated for being weak? Well... it was the one about Katie, Courtney you're safe, Katie go find you're other half."

Katie ran down the pathway to the waiting van, as Sadie leapt out, embracing her.

_ And then there were 13, a very unlucky number... unlucky for the people still in the game. I have new torture thought up for next week, if you're even the least bit curious come back for another exciting trip tot he Total. DRAMA. HHHOOOOUUUUSSSSEEEEE!!!!_


	15. Chapter 15

15.

_ LAST time on Total Drama house, the tension building in the house was put on ice... well... sent through ice water. The two teams had a huge chunk of pansies, yet Duncan and Courtney toughed it out for the longest time... oh oh oh oh... but in the end Duncan lasted the longest and weak player Katie was sent packing. Who'll join her? What will become of the rapidly changing romantic front? How did we get todays challenge past legal? Find out today on another exciting episode of Total. DRAMA. HHHHOOOOUUUUUSSSSEEEE!!!_

_TDH_

"What do you mean you and Duncan are thinking about dating?" Courtney asked Gwen in the breakfast line.

"It's pretty straightforward," Gwen said as Chef slopped some slop onto her tray, "We're both single, why not?"

"Wow, you guys love is built on rock," Courtney laughed and rolled her eyes.

**There's something about Courtney that makes me want to kill her in her sleep. I mean, it was like fate was tempting me by putting her two feet away at night.**

"Well, you're a great judge, I mean," Gwen sneered as she walked away, "How many times did you and Duncan break up?"

"So, you're seriously like... dating Trent?" Geoff said across the table to Bridgette, "I mean..." He turned to Trent, "Are you really dating Bridgette?"

"Why does it matter?" Bridgette said, a touch of rage in her voice, "You have Heather."

"Morning house mates," Chris and Chef entered the room, "Yes, I am going to be interrupting your breakfasts for the duration of the show, get used to it. Todays challenge is a fun one, Cody and Lindsey have been randomly selected to be our two featured contestants today, if they'll follow me into the other room, Chef will prep you for your challenge." As soon as Chris left and closed the door, Chef pulled a gas mask out from behind him and put it on, and suddenly the kids all fell asleep.

_TDH_

When they awoke they were in two lines, tied to chairs vaguely similar to electric chairs.

"You'll notice you are in electric chairs," Chris smiled, "On the wall behind you is a giant hangman puzzle. Lindsey and Cody will try to solve the puzzle, and for each incorrect guess, a player from their team will be administered a shock. Once every player has been shocked... the jig is up."

"But, we have fewer players!" Courtney yelled, "Why can't we have had Noah or me as our guesser?"

"Because there'd be no challenge in smart people playing," Chris said.

"Yeah," Lindsey agreed.

"Lindsey, because the Squatters lost the last challenge, you have the first guess."

"Ummmmm..." Lindsey stared at the puzzle, "What has five letters in the first word, and seven letters in the second? I'll have to guess Zed."

"Chef, are there any zed's?" Chris asked as Chef, sporting a pink gown, shook his head, "Too bad," Chris hit a button and Gwen's chair violently shook, "Cody, your guess."

"Ummmm...." Cody stared at the puzzle, "E?"

Chef walked out and wrote an 'E' in the third to last place, "There is an E," Chris said as he hit a button sending Geoff's chair in a violent rampage.

"Chris," Geoff yelled, "He got it right!"

"Yeah..." Chris nodded, "but you had a one player advantage, now you don't. I'm all about fair game play. Lindsey, I'd guess that letter in between B and D."

"OOOOHH!!" Lindsey jumped up and down, "Good idea, I'll guess A!"

Chef wrote an 'A' next to the 'E', filling in the second to last place, "I didn't tell you to guess an 'A', but you got it, Cody, your puzzle."

"Can I get a C?"

Chef wrote two 'C's in the the second and third places in the second word, as well as in the very first spot, "Well, played, Lindsey, care to guess?"

"How about 'P'?"

"Ooooo..." Chris hit another button rocking Courtney's chair in a fit of electric shock, "No P."

"I'd like to guess 'L'" Cody said, as Chris hit two buttons sending Heather and Duncan high voltage.

"Because it was still technically the Squatters turn, your guess counts for them... too bad, Codemiester," Chris said, "And because there IS an 'L' behind the two 'C's and before the 'ea' I shocked two of your players, But, Cody it is your turn now."

"'H'!"

"There is an 'H', Lindsey it is your turn again."

"Guys," Cody turned to his teammates, "I know the answer."

"That's great kid," Duncan said, "Now don't get cocky."

"It's Chris McClean!" Cody excitedly yelled.

"CODY!" The Lodgers all yelled in unison.

"Duuuuude!" Chris laughed, "It was Lindsey's turn AND that is the answer, so that counts for the Squatters, giving them the win, and now," Chris shocked the rest of the Lodgers, "You all get shocked... and get a second shock for good luck! Squatters, as your reward you get a team movie night in the home theatre, Lodgers, you get to come with me to the fire pits and send a player home, come along now."

_TDH_

"Wow, Cody... you got out smarted by Lindsey, the girl who was tricked by Heather into friendship... TWICE!"

"I'm right here you know," Heather sneered.

"Don't remind me," Chris grabbed a handful of keys, "Well, maybe you should remind me, because you're safe. As are Duncan, Geoff, Trent, Bridgette, and Harold. Wait... Cody didn't get a key? Oh yeah... because he got out smarted by Lindsey!" Chris, and the non-Cody players, burst into laughter as Cody walked out the gate and down to the van.

_ And just like that we are down to the final 12. With another team switch around just around the corner, what new alliances will form? Which friendships will flounder? Find out next time at the Total. DRAMA. HHHHOOOOUUUSSSSSEEEE!!!!_


	16. Chapter 16

16.

"Dude, know what I just heard?" Geoff exclaimed running into Duncan's room.

"No," Duncan looked up, "What is it, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well?"

"No," Geoff thought for a second, "Maybe, who's Timmy?"

"What did you just hear?"

"It's official," Geoff said as he made his way across the room and sat on Duncan's bed, "Noah and CoIurtney are a couple."

"You're shitting me?" Duncan angrily turned to face Geoff, who stood up and took a few steps back, "I shit not, bro."

"Fuck," Duncan laid back and put his head on his pillow.

"What do you care?" Geoff said sitting in Duncan's desk chair, "I've heard from you you and Gwen are pretty tight."

"Like you're not pissed as hell about Bridgette?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You have Heather wrapped around your finger yet you want Bridgette back more than anything."

"This isn't about me!"

"Yeah?" Duncan said, propping himself up on his elbows, "It's not? You didn't come in here to tell me that just so I'd get my blood boiled so you could feel better about not being over Bridgette? That's not what you did?"

"Well..." Geoff started to get up, but dropped back into the chair, crying, "I just miss her so bad!!!"

_**TDH**_

"Wait, you're dating Noah?" Gwen looked from her bed, a look of disgust on her face, "But... he's... so... Noah."

"He's actually a nice guy, he has plans for the future, he's well read, he can carry on discussions about politics and history," Courtney said, "Plus he's never been to juvie."

"But, he's a goob," Gwen sat up and put down her diary, "He's egocentric and looks wise-"

"Not everybody cares about looks, just because Duncan's good looking and charming, fun to talk to, exciting and cool doesn't mean he's a catch!" Courtney stormed out of the room, slamming the door as she left.

_**TDH**_

"Geoff, you've been crying for 15 minutes," Duncan finally said, "If you don't stop I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

Geoff sat up, wiped the last few tears away and stared at Duncan, crating an awkward pause until Geoff spoke, "I'm throwing a party next friday."

"Oh?" Duncan put down his magazine, "What kind of party?"

"Just a normal one, with an aquarium girl!"

"Who's going to be your aquarium girl?"

"Heather," Geoff smiled, "Well, I haven't asked her yet, but she'll say yes, right?"

_**TDH**_

"Fuck no," Heather said.

"Come on, Babe," Geoff sat down next to her.

"Don't call me 'Babe,'" Heather said standing up walking away.

"Fine, Come on, Heather," Geoff stood up and walked up to her, "It'd be so awesome!"

"Wow, objectifing myself for guys like Owen, Harold, Duncan, Trent, and Noah, sounds super awesome," Heather turned and looked at Geoff, "No, I'm not doing it, and for another thing, you're lucky I didn't dump your ass right here and now."

_**TDH**_

"What's the matter, Courtney?" Noah asked to the crying Courtney.

"Nothing you can help me with."

"Well, I am your boyfriend,"

Just as Courtney was about to say "Don't remind me" Geoff walked into the room.

"Am I interrupting anything?"

"No," Courtney said immediately.


	17. Chapter 17

17.

_ LAST time on Total Drama House, in a twist of the classic 'Hangman' Lindsey and Cody went head to head in a battle of the wits trying to solve a puzzle, for each wrong guess their team got a shock. It seemed like Cody had the upper hand, but a few key mistakes resulted in his losing the challenge, but winning the votes of his teammates, making Cody the tenth eliminated player from the game. With relationships dissolving, alliances dissipating, and my smile getting more charming it seems this season is really starting to heat. Find out what happends next on another exciting trip to the Total. DRAMA. HHHHHOOOOUUUUUUSSSSSEEEEEE!!!!!!_

_**TDH**_

"Um, Courtney," Noah sat down next to her, "About last night..."

"Well," Courtney noticed Gwen and Duncan walk into the kitchen laughing, "Noah, I wasn't thinking straight, KISS ME!" Courtney grabbed Noah and planted a wet kiss on his lips.

**That's right.**

"Morning," Gwen said putting her hand in Duncan's, drawing a glare from Courtney who had just removed her lips from Noah's, "How are you today roomie?"

"Good." Courtney spat out.

"That's great," Gwen laughed as Duncan half heartedly joined her.

"How did everyone sleep?" Chris walked in, "Hopefully you enjoyed your last night with your current teams, because today we switch it up again."

"Again?" Leshawna asked, "That's like-"

"Yes," Chris interrupted her, "The second time this season. Don't want you getting comfortable. New teams are the Killer Vaccuums and the Screaming Mops, the Vaccuums will consist of Harold, Duncan, Leshawna, Noah, Geoff, and Gwen. The Mops are the rest, a.k.a. Lindsey, Owen, Courtney, Heather, Bridgette, and Trent. And... oh great, now I'm distracted, Intern bring out those cue cards! Yes so I can see them, what good would they be if I can't see them? Alright... um... OH that's right, Tonight your two teams will commit the perfect crime... and by that I mean they will attempt to get past old man Chef Hatchet and try to steal an object that has been sealed in one of the two envelopes in my pocket. The team that can pull off the better heist wins immunity from the vote and the losers have to go vote." Chris reached into his back pocket and pulled out the envelopes, "Here are the envelopes with all the info you need to plan your caper, but because you live here we want you a little rusty so you will all be taken to a neutral location for planning... TO THE VAN!!"

_**TDH**_

"Okay... who's broken into a house here?" Heather looked around.

"Duncan probably has." Courtney said.

"Yeah, but he's not on our team, brilliant Courtney!"

** Maybe I'm thinking about Duncan quite a bit lately... but still, I'm with Noah, so Duncan can't have me.**

"Well, I don't have the answer," Courtney stood up facing Heather, "But obviously you don't either."

_**TDH**_

"All we need are some masks, some flashlights, maybe a paintball gun or two..." Duncan smiled, "And a cd with the song 'Little Green Bag' by George Baker."

"Really?" Geoff said looking around, "I thought the thing Chris said we needed to steal was a Jade Vase?"

"Um, Duncan," Harold said, "If I may make a suggestion-"

"Who said you could make a suggestion?" Noah said looking up from his book.

"You too?" Leshawna said looking over at Noah, "Why do you guys always pick on Harold?"

"That's like asking a shark why he eats surfers... they're smaller and they try to go where they don't belong," Duncan smirked.

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with Surfers," Geoff sniffled, "And I only see that too late."

"Yo, Party Dude, what did I say yesterday about crying?"

"Sorry."

_**TDH**_

"So, we have to break into the house and steal a Jade Vase?" Courtney said readingthe envelopes contents.

**I didn't tell the teams they are both trying to steal the same thing... there will be quite a bit of Total Drama tonight... awesome.**

"That's what the thing says," Trent said, "What if we kid of did like a... Trojan Horse type thing."

"What do... um.... "those things" have to do with this Trent?" Lindsey looked around disgusted, "Some on needs to keep his mind out of the gutter."

"You are such an idiot some times," Heather said.

_**TDH**_

"The most ideal way to break in woulkd be for it to go down like this," Duncan said standing up, "Geoff and Gwen will take the back yard, scan it for any boobie traps, because you know that's what Chef and Chris are doing right now, Leshawna, Noah, and Harold then go into the back and try and pick the lock on the back door, while I" Duncan reached into his pocket and pulled out a key, "I'm going to just walk right in the front door."

"That plan is almost as moronic as Lindsey." Noah said closing his book and slamming it on the table, "I mean, seriously, putting us all in the back while you go plan Ninja? This is a team competition and if you-"

"Like you should talk about teams," Gwen said, "Remember why we voted you off the island?"

"And why we voted you out of the school?" Leshawna then added.

"We-W-We're," Noah stammered, "Talking about me, we're talking about..." He looked around the circled catching glares from the five other players, "Fine, let's do Mowhawk's plan."

_**TDH**_

The van slowly crept into position in front of the house, Chris then proceed to give some final detaisl to the housemates, "Alright, both teams are going to have to try and get past Chef who has rigged various traps and tricks around the grounds, steal their object, and then bring it back to the van, to have their wheelman... drive off. Got it? Good. Get robbing."

** A message from the producers: Hi, I'm Chris McClean, award winning actor and host of popular reality TV shows. As a celebrity I don't endorse Home invasion or theft in anyform, so kids please don't try this at home, or more importantly other people's homes.**

The Vaccuums snuck out of the van and the five made their way behind the house, Trent walked out of the van and started putting on the costume, Duncan wasn't impressed, "A Meter checker?"

"Bet you had thought of something this brilliant, right?" Courtney said as Heather and Bridgette walked over.

"Um... about that..." Duncan kind of laughed.

_**TDH**_

"Alright, Geoff," Gwen said, "the yard seems clear enough."

"Yeah, that's what I think," Geoff ran hunched over back to the fence and opened the gate, ushering Leshawna, Noah, and Harold in.

"Alright, let me at the lock," Harold said, "I went to Picky Steve's lock picking camp you know."

_**TDH**_

"What do you want?" Chef said as he opened the door to see Trent the Meter reader, "Wait a minute, do I know you?"

"Of course not, sir," Trent stroked his fake mustache, "I have a mustache."

"You didn't answer me, boy," Chef said looking questioningly at Trent, "What do you want?"

"Well, I'm here to check your meter, kind sir," Trent started looking around, "Can you lead me to it?"

**Chef totally bought it, this is seriously going to impress Gwen... I mena Bridgette. Why did I just say Gwen? **

"Yeah, it's around back," Chef closed the door behind him, "Come on, let's go."

As soon as the pair left, Duncan ran up and went in the door, followed by the Mops, "Where do you lame-os think you're going?"

"Into the house," Courtney sneered as Heather, Lindsey, Bridgette, and Owen ran off in different directions in the house.

"Good luck beating me to the score, darling." Duncan laughed.

"Darling," Courtney got in Duncan's face, "I don't need it."

_**TDH**_

"I thought you said you went to a lock icking camp?" Gwen said to Haorld, who was still bent over the lock.

"I did," Harold said. **I never said I was good at it, I just said I went.**

"Well, hurry up Sugar Baby," Leshawna said, "Don't rush him guys."

"Well, we're off to a great start," Noah scoffed, "I wonder if Duncan's having as good of luck as us."

_**TDH**_

Duncan opened the door to the Library. **Every great heist movie always has the crazy awesome score hidden in among the books of a library, and being that this mansion has a library, I'm a delinquent, not an Idiot.**

Duncan looked down and pulled a hand full of flour out of his pocket, and sprinkled it out to reveal the lazer defense system Chef had installed, "So that stop in the kitchen was a good idea."

"Yeah, for me," Courtney walked up next to Duncan and turned the light on, revealing the pedestal in the middle of the room with the Vase on it.

"Ladies first, sweetheart," Duncan said ushering Courtney to go.

"Aww, how sweet," Courtney rolled her eyes, "Stupid because now I have the upper hand," She started flipping and rolling throught he lasers, "But very sweet."

**Okay, so I may be dating Gwen, but Courtney's still an awesome girl... and her uh... well, I probably can't say what I was going to on TV, can I?**

_**TDH**_

"And we're in," Harold said as the door swung open, "Thank you Picky Steve."

"And thank you Danny Ocean," Gwen rolled her eyes as the Vaccuums made their way in.

_**TDH**_

Heather, Lindsey, and Bridgette walked into the kitchen, "Any of you find it?"

"No," Heather said, "Lindsey, what about you?"

"No, but Courtney and Duncan did."

"What?" Heather turned to face Lindsey.

"Yeah, they were both up in the library," Lindsey said, "And it was on a little table in the middle of the laser thingy."

"Why didn't you say that right away?" Bridgette said as the three girls started moving.

As soon as the girls left the Kitchen, Owen walked in and opened the refridgerator, "Ahhhh... FOOOOODDD!!!"

_**TDH**_

"Now which one of us gets the vase," Duncan said as both He and Courtney made it throught he lasers.

"Obviously me," Courtney said grabbing it.

"No, it's me," Duncan said grabbing the other handle.

"Duncan, wh should I let you have it?"

"Because you still like me?" Duncan smiled.

"You're not my type," Courtney said.

"I can't help but notice how you didn't say you don't sitll like me."

"I-" Courtney blushed as Lindsey ran into the room and set ofgf the laser alarms, causing Courtney to turn and Duncan to grab the vase and run to the window, open it, and climb down the lattice, "LINDSEY! You just let Duncan get away with the vase!"

"How do you know it was me?" Lindsey asked.

**What an idiot. And the nerve of Duncan, suggesting I still like him, don't make me laugh... ha.**

_**TDH**_

Duncan stpped off the lattice and saw Gwen leaning up against the back door, "Hey, Gwen, where are the others?"

"They just went inside... is that?"

"Yeah," Duncan said as he walked over, go throught he house and round them up, I'm going to the van."

_**TDH**_

"Hmmmm... that's an unseasonably high number," Trent said tapping the meter with his pencil, "I'd rather it was lower."

"Well, what do I have to do to lower it?"

"I'd suggest our... premium package, which... has lower meter numbers."

"Hmmm, now how much more would that cost me?"

"Uhhhh... one vase?"

"Wait a tick! This was a diversion! My vase!" Chef turned and ran back around towards the front of the house.

_**TDH**_

Duncan climbed into the van, to be met by Chris, "Sup, Duncan?"

"Not much, wait I brought the vase, do we win?"

"Well, you've got a good chance, but your team mates need to all make it out of the house now as well," Chris said picking up the bowl of snacks next to him as he looked at the video monitors on the wall of the van, "Pork rind?"

_**TDH**_

Courtney, Heather, Lindsey and Bridgette ran down the stairs and past the kitchen, stopping to see Owen gorging on leftovers.

"Owen," Heather snapped, "What are you doing?"

"Eating."

"Come on, Chef will be here..."

"Any minute?" Chef said jumping into the hallway, cocking his paintball gun.

_**TDH**_

Noah, Harold, and Leshawna made their ways across the front lawn and into the back of the van.

"Did we win?" Leshawna asked.

"Not yet, Geoff and Gwen need to make it back and then you need a clean getaway, Chris said, "Pork rind?"

_**TDH**_

Courtney ducked and rolled, avoiding the green ballistic wads of paint as she entered the ktichen and leapt out the open back door, rolling to a stop by the pool. She stood up and started to run when she bumped into Duncan.

"Where are you going, princess?"

"Away, what are you doing here?"

"I've got to come back for..." Duncan didn't say Gwen's name, "some of my team mates."

"Well, My team's lost," both turned as Owen ran out of the house, only to get shot in the back again and again by Chef, the large boy fell to his knees and threw his arms up in the air.

Courtney threw her arms around Duncan, who held her tight for a second before they realized what they were doing.

"Wow, this is... awkward," Courtney said as they let go.

"See you... uh, later," Duncan said running off as Chef noticed the two were in the back yard.

_**TDH**_

"Where's Gwen?" Geoff asked as Duncan climbed back into the van.

"She's not with you?"

"No, she must still be in the house," Geoff stated, "Pork rind?" He said offering some of Chris's snacks to Duncan.

"I'm not in the house," Gwen said getting in the van, "And I don't want a pork rind."

"Alright, Chris said, "Now one of you has to drive us back to the warehouse, and when we get there, you guys have won."

Duncan slid up into the passenger seat, "I'll do it."

"Well, drive fast it's half an hour from here and I'm sure Chef'll call the cops."

"It's 30 minutes from here? I'll get there in ten."

_**TDH**_ (9 minutes 37 seconds later)

"Wow, you actually did it," Chris said as he staggered out of the van.

"How did you get a liscense?" Noah asked, right before he threw up.

"Doesn't matter," Duncan said stepping out and leaning on the van, "We just won the challenge."

"That you did," Chris said, "As your reward you don't have to vote someone off. Let's make our way back to the house, and I'll drive."

_**TDH**_

"Mops, welcome to the Fire pit, you've all been here, but tonight one of you will be here for the last time. There are five keys here, but as all of you except Lindsey can tell there are six house mates, the math doesn't add up."

"It doesn't?" Lindsey asked.

"No it does not," Chris continued, "The first key goes to... Trent, for his amazing rendition of a meter reader, distracting Chef long enough to allow Duncan a chance to steal the vase."

"That wasn't my intention," Trent said catching the key, "And did it work?"

"Yes, which is why you're safe. Also safe are Owen and Bridgette. Heather also get's a key," Chris stopped which leaves Courtney who let Duncan tke the Vase,"

"I did not LET him take it," Courtney fumed.

"Whatever, Lindsey, you triggered the alarm system and brought the Hatchet down on your teams head."

"How was I supposed to know that stepping into the laser alarm system would trigger the alarm?"

"Because anyone with a brain would know that."

"One key, two house mates... and one commercial break, we'll be right back!"

_Coming this fall, from the prodution team behind 'One for the Flipper' Chris McClean is back on the badminton courts for more sweat, more love, more zombies. "It's time to kick Zombie Ace and Take names." On October 13th prepare to win... "ANother One for the Flipper." This film is not yet rated._

"And we're back to this totallly dramatic climax. Lindsey, you have the looks, Courtney you have the brains... but only one of you gets the chance to make lots of money... and that person is... Courtney." Lindsey stood up and Chef led her off, the other mops all stood up and started walking into the house, "Where do you think you're going?"

"To eat," Owen said, "And then probably Bed... and then back to eat because dreaming makes me hungry?"

"You guys were caught trying to break into a house? you have to spend the night in lock up!" Chris said as two cops walked into the back yard and started cuffing the Screaming Mops.

"You can't do this," Courtney said as she was drug off, "I'm going to be elected to office one day!!"

"Like you'll be the first crook-politician." Chris laughed.

_ Lindsey's gone, And we are one away from the final ten. Who will be the next to bite the dust? Which'll be the next love to die? Which loves will be reborn? Which player rivalries will come to a head? Find out next time at the Total. DRAMA. HHHOOOUUUUSSSSEEEE!!!!!!!!! _


	18. Chapter 18

18.

"So Chris actually agreed to leave the house for the night and shut the cameras off?" Duncan said to Geoff.

"Yeah," Geoff excitedly said as he and Duncan sat on his bed, Trent sat on Harold's.

"This is awesome," Trent said, "So what's the plan for tonight?"

"Well, I got my cousin who lives in the area to come DJ it, and there will be boobs, booze, and... well, I can't think of a third word that starts with 'B,' so that kind of throws off my alliterative scheme."

"That's fine," Duncan said looking out the window to see Courtney jumping into the pool.

"Let's go get everything set," Geoff said, he and Trent got up and walked towards the door, only to have to go back in to get Duncan, "Come on big guy."

_**TDH**_

"Hey, sweetie," Trent said walking into Bridgette's room.

"Hey, Trent," Bridgette said taking the ear phones out of her ears, "What's up?"

"Me, Duncan, and Geoff," Trent didn't notice Bridgette's smile as he said 'Geoff', "finished getting everything set for the party, and they went into the home theatre to watch 'Watchmen', It's not my cup of tea so I decided to come see what's up with you."

"I'm doing good," Bridgette set aside her MP3 player, "Just listening to some music. Usually at this time of summer I'm riding out to Surfer's Paradise Hotel with my family for a week or two of the best surfing in the country."

"I got an email from a friend back home that this weekend is Music Ville."

"What's Music Ville?"

"Every year my friends and I ride out of town for a weekend at my friend Leslie's cabin, we all just then sit around writing music, singing songs, and... um..."

"What?"

"Smoking more pot that Willie Nelson if he spent the weekend with Cheech and Chong."

"Really? You don't seem like the heavy smoker type."

"Well, remember last season when we did a 'Circle' like on 'That 70's Show'?"

"Vaguely," They both laughed.

_**TDH**_

"Last chance to agree to be the aquarium girl."

"Geoff," Heather said throwing her water bottle at him, "I told you NO!"

"Fine..." Geoff said walking out of her room.

_**TDH**_

"Dudes, we've got to take down the aquarium..." Geoff said as he shuffled into the living room of the house.

"Why?" Duncan said, "Heather in a bra and panties was going to be a highlight of the night!"

"She said no."

"Fine," Duncan said, "Let's be quick, the party starts in like an hour."

"So people won't get here for like two," Geoff said.

"Why, the party starts in an hour, doesn't it?"

"You haven't been to a lot of parties, have you?"

"They didn't throw a lot in juvie."

"Well, only uptight squares show up at the official start time."

_**TDH**_

"Hey, Geoff," Courtney said walking into the Living room.

"Courtney? What are you doing here?"

"The party starts at 8 right?" Courtney laughed and flicked her hair a little as Duncan walked in, "And it is 8, is it not?"

"Hey, Princess, you don't seem like the type that would party like this."

"Well," Courtney walked in, "Everyone in the house was invited, Noah said he didn't want to come, but I felt like it," Courtney made her way across the room and took on a pouty nature, "Am I not invited?"

Geoff snickered, "Uh, Duncan, can I talk to you in the hallway?"

"What is it?"

"Dude, she totally wants your dick in and or around her mouth."

"She's with Noah."

"And you're with Gwen."

"Wh-oh, yeah, and I'm with Gwen, of course."

"Dude, tonight... maybe you get a little crazy, maybe you make some moves, come on, have some fun," Geoff walked back into the living room, but poked his head out into the hallway to add, "Remember, it is a party."

_**TDH**_

The house vibrated to the music as Courtney sat on the couch between some people she'd never met, angrily watching as Gwen and Duncan kissing on the couch across the room from her.

"How could she put her..." Courtney fumed to the girl next to her, "Are they trying to lick each other's spines?" The girl stared at Courtney for a little bit before standing up and passing out. Gwen stopped and walked off, assumedly to get drinks. As soon as she left the room, Courtney stood up and walked over to Duncan, "What the hell was that little display?"

"What do you care?" Duncan asked.

"I don't," Courtney lied, "I-" Gwen stormed back into the room, "Duncan, I can't stand this party any more, I've got to go to my room, night," Gwen leaned in and kissed him, "See you later, Roomie."

"You just got jealous, didn't you?" Duncan smiled.

"I did not get jealous," Courtney lied again.

"Well, if you want to sit down, you can," Duncan patted the seat Gwen had left behind, "You can sit right? Your knees bend and all?"

"Very funny," Courtney looked around, "I'm not really a party girl, I'm going to call it a night."

_**TDH**_

Courtney walked into her room and started humming along to the Barry Manilow song playing from the CD player, she walked into the bathroom and then back out, "Gwen, are you playing the song 'Even Now'?"

"Maybe..." Gwen said stiffling tears, "what's it to you?"

"I just... know the feeling," Courtney said as she began to change into her pajamas.

"I walked into the kitchen and Bridgette and Trent were trying to lick each other's spines."

"You don't say?" Courtney rolled her eyes.

"Have you ever broken up with some one, only to then find you still have feelings for them?"

"Yeah," Courtney said, her head dropped.

"Then to see they've totally moved on, making out with some girl you used to trust but now you see as a vile hag?"

"Yeah, I've had that feeling." Courtney glared from the bathroom.

_**TDH**_

Geoff walked in the kitchen and stopped as he saw Bridgette sitting at the table, he turned around and saw Heather standing in the door way. He looked back and forth between the two. Until he ran out of the room and to the DJ table. He made a request, and returned to the kitchen as the opening bars of "Wonderful Tonight" began.

"Oh, Geoff," Heather said walking up to Geoff, "You're so romantic!"

"This isn't for you, you cruel bitch!" Geoff said walking past Heather and up to Bridgette, "Bridgette... I still love you."

Bridgette looked up, tears in her eyes, "Are you serious?"

"Would you smile?" Geoff grabbed Bridgette's hand and stood her up, "Would you smile if I admitted I was wrong?"

"What?"

"Each kiss we had was like a miracle, like a super nova turning oxygen into gold. It's just, there were so many miracles, I forgot how miraculous our love is."

"When did you get so philosophical?"

"This afternoon I watched Watchmen with Duncan."

"Well," Bridgette said, "I'm with Trent now..."

"Not if you don't want to be," Trent said walking up, "I heard the conversation, You two belong together. You still love Geoff, and I see , it was fun, but you and I never really clicked, did we?"

"Not really."

"I'm fine with a split, as long as we stay friends."

"No problem," She kissed Trent on the cheek, before turning to face Geoff, "Let's make a miracle, Geoff!" The pair began kissing wildly.

_**TDH**_

"So... you're not over Trent?"

"No..." Gwen rolled over and faced Courtney, "I mean, Duncan's a great guy, but he's just not Trent."

"No, he's not. He's like nobody I've ever met..." Courtney looked down, "Want to listen to 'Even Now' again?"

"Yes," Gwen said laying her head on her pillow, "Yes, I would."


	19. Chapter 19

19.

_LAST time on Total Drama House... The Mops and the Vaccuums were forged out of the leftovers of the Squatters and the Lodgers and the two teams did their best turns as Danny Ocean and had to plan a robbery of the house, while avoiding Chef Hatchet and his boobie traps. Due to Lindsey's stupidity Chef was alerted of the Mops attempt to steal the Vase and he came in, and hell came with him. Duncan was able to escape with the vase and his team was able to make it back to the van and then back to the warehouse, avoiding the cops called by Chef, but the Mops weren't so lucky. In addition to their embarrassing loss, they eliminated Lindsey AND had to spend the night in lock up, off to a rocky start for their team. But, today is a new day, will the Mops be able to turn it around? Will the Vaccuums continue to work like a finely tuned machine? Will I win an Emmy? FIND out today on another exciting episode of Total. DRAMA. !!!!! _

_**TDH**_

"Last night was awesome," Geoff said sitting next to Duncan.

"You're only saying that because you and Bridgette got back together," Duncan replied as he pushed his eggs around his plate, "We're not all that lucky."

"But you don't like Courtney," Geoff slyly remarked.

"Of course I don't," Duncan said realizing what he had implied, "I mean, me and Gwen are like... two... things that go great together."

"Morning everyone," Gwen walked in and sat across the table from Geoff, "Duncan."

"Gwen."

"Wow," Geoff laughed, "You two are JUST like two things that go great together."

"Oh Noah, that's so funny," Courtney laughed as she and Noah entered the kitchen, "You know me so well."

"I said 'Good Morning,'" Noah said, obviously oblivious to what Courtney was doing, "That's not funny, or clever, are you alright?"

"I'm more than alright whenever I'm with you," She hugged him as they sat down.

Duncan growled a little and stabbed his sausage.

"What's with you?" Gwen asked.

"Uh... just thinking about... how... the Habs couldn't land that trade," Duncan lied, trying, and failing to hide his emotions.

**Okay, I can pretend like Duncan doesn't still want Courtney, but a blind person could see he wants her, and I can pretend I don't want Trent, but I do, it's weird. Even now when there's someone... %$# Barry Manilow.**

"It seems like you'd be more of a..." Geoff smiled slyly, "_Senators_ fan. You know, they're a more uptight team, play by all the rules, and-"

"I'm out," Duncan stood up and started to leave, when Geoff yelled after him, "But I still have more reasons you'd prefer the Senators!"

"Duncan, where do you think you're going?" Chris asked as he and Chef got run into by Duncan.

"Away," Duncan sighed, "I need to go clear my head a little."

"Too bad, bro," Chris said as Chef turned Duncan around and ushered him back into the kitchen, "You have a challenge today, you'll have to clear your head there."

"I don't think that's possible."

"Well," Chris said, "You'll have to try. Morning housemates!" Chris walked to the center of the room, "Just about anything can be found at a mall, and you guys are going to try and prove this hypothesis. Each team will be given a credit card today and we'll go to the mall. In addition to the plastic you'll be given a list, first team to aquire all the items on their list and bring them back to me and Chef will be our winners for the day. The losing team will have to send some one home, come on ramblers, let's get rambling."

_**TDH**_

"Here's your card, and here's yours," Chris explained as Chef passed out the cards, "Try and stay together as your teams, because it'll be easier that way. Go now and do your best, I'll be here waiting for you."

The two teams ran off towards the mall.

_**TDH**_

"Alright," Heather looked over the Mops list, "The best place to get these first few would definitly be the Khaki Barn."

"Are you sure?" Courtney said, "I mean, I wouldn't shop there."

"Because you have no style," Heather said walking off towards the Khaki Barn, "Trust me."

**"Trust me?" This is the same Heather that has stabbed more people in the back than Brutus. And... I have style.**

_**TDH**_

"Um... who here shops a lot?" Duncan said looking ath the list, then up at Noah, Harold, Geoff, Gwen, and Leshawna.

"Um..." Gwen kind of tried to motion towards the a store, but stopped.

**Okay, I haven't been "shopping" shopping in like four years, I don't remember any of the tricks.**

"Well," Duncan's sat down on a bench, "We're %!$ed."

_**TDH**_

"Hey, weird goth girl," Heather motioned to the girl behind the counter, "Come ring us up!"

"No can do," Nikki said flipping to the next page of the magazine she was reading, "I'm... on my break."

"But we need help!"

"If you think I'm going to respond positively to your insults... yep, you do need help."

"Can I help you?" A blonde girl said coming up, "Nikki, why didn't you help them?"

"Break."

"Oh... right," The blonde girl smiled, "Welcome to Khaki Barn, how may I help you?"

_**TDH**_

"Well," Leshawna said snagging the list, "What are we... you guys were scared of this?"

"No," Geoff said, "We just can't shop."

"You guys are kidding me... we dominated the last challenge!"

"Yeah," Gwen said, "But that was more tailored to our skill set."

"I now regret not going to Shopping Steve's Shopping Camp."

"Where do they have all these camps?" Noah said.

"In Steveburg, Alberta."

**Okay... so there is no such place as Steveburg, Alberta... but there totally could be! Okay, no there can't be... gosh!**

"So," Geoff said, "Leshawna, what do we do?"

"Ummm..." Leshawna looked around, "Okay, I was just putting on a bit of a toguh front, I have no clue what to do."

"Bummer," Geoff sighed, "Well, there's an arcade near the food court!"

_**TDH**_

**So, Heather is an evil, manipulative, self serving [CENSOR OF CENSOR] BUT she can shop, and so... I have to let her take the lead... but I still argue that my sweater is NOT tacky.**

"Next we..." Heather rolled her eyes, "We have to buy a copy of 'One for the Flipper,' The writers have taken this joke WAY too far!"

**Not really, the company that distributes my movies actually said that we had to mention it like 25 times before the sequel hits, and... well... like Chef's food we have a long way to go before we are deemed acceptable.**

"Come on, there's a video store on level three."

_**TDH**_

"Really?" Wayne asked, laughing a little, "You're BUYING that turd?"

"Not of our own volition," Courtney added.

"Yo, Jude! Someone's buying 'One for the Flipper!'

"No way, bro!"

"Yes way!" Wayne laughed, "Alright, one buck."

"That's it?" Bridgette asked in shock.

"Yeah, no one would buy a movie that bad so we had to MAJORLY cut the price," the clerk swiped the card, "The only copy I've sold is to Ron the Rent-a-Cop."

_**TDH**_

"Dude, you're kicking $$ and taking names Duncan!"

"Yeah," Duncan smiled, "What can I say, Whack-a-mole is kind of like wailing on Harold!"

"HEY!!" Harold yelled from the DDR machine, "If I wasn't on a 138 note streak I'd come over there and... angrily yell at you!"

"Don't worry about it baby!" Leshawna said from the other dance pad.

"Don't we have something we're supposed to be doing?" Geoff laughed.

"Yeah," Gwen laughed, "But who cares?"

_**TDH**_

"Chris," Heather laughed as she walked across the parking lot, her team carrying the bags behind her, "You should have given me a hard task."

"Um, it's only been half an hour..." Chris and Chef put down the game controllers, "How did you?"

"Chris, I'm an old hand at this," Heather took a defiant stance, "hit me with your best shot."

"I will," Chris pointed, "See those tables with the wrapping paper? I think you get the idea." The Mops walked over and started wrapping the presents.

_**TDH**_

"Done already?" Chris laughed, "I'll have to remember to invite you guys over for the holidays. Where are the Vaccuums?"

"Here!" Geoff said walking across the parking lot, the Vaccuums behind him

"You guys didn't buy a single thing?"

"No..." Harold said, "We're not shoppers."

"But we are got game!" Leshawna said high fiving Gwen.

"And you've got a trip to the fire pit," Chris turned to the Mops, "Mops, as the winners you recieve actual breakfast catered in tomorrow morning, Vaccuums, you guys disgust me."

"You spent the afternoon playing video games as well," Gwen said.

"This isn't about ME!"

_**TDH**_

"Where do I begin? Duncan, you killed the morale of your team. Leshawna, you built their hopes but dashed them. Gwen, you're just generally pessimistic. Harold, uh, you didn't suck more than usual. Geoff, if it weren't for your arcade suggestion... your team may have done better. And lastly, Noah... did you say anything well they led you astray?"

"In my-"

"If you're not part of the solution..." Chris glared at allt he contestants, "You're part of the problem, BUT Noah, you're safe." Chris tossed the key, "Geoff and Duncan, I don't want to say it, but you're also safe. Gwen, heads up." Leshawna and Harold turned and faced each other.

**So... me and String bean have a bit of a past, and now one of us is for sure going home... dang.**

** WHAT UNHOLY EVIL HAS BROUGHT THIS UPON US!!! **

"Well, the votes were cast... and... Harold," Chris said, "You're going home. Leshawna, here's your key."

Harold fell to his knees and began hitting the ground, "Our love was perfect and you blew it up! YOU MANIACS! YOU REALLY DID IT!! AW %$& YOU! %$& YOU ALL TO #$&&!!"

"Ha." Chris laughed and smiled. He looked around and when he saw nobody else was laughing he moved on, "Harold, there's the van, don't let the gate hit you on the way out."

"String bean!" Leshawna ran up and grabbed him, "Give me a kiss before you go!"

"With pleasure!" Harold dipped Leshawna and kissed her passionately, before Chef walked up and grabbed Harold and threw him over his shoulder, "Come on, Nerd Boy."

_ Time for a math test! We started with 22 campers, and 12 have been voted off, do a quick little bit of subtraction and you get... ten! Yes, we are down to the final ten, in like a third of the time as last season, but that's a rant for another day. With Harold gone we now have five Vaccuums, and five Mops, which team will get the upper hand next? Which player will be the next to join Harold? How many people pick up on our references? For more questions than we can't answer come back tot he Total. DRAMA. HOOOOUUUUUSSSSEEEEE!!!!! _


	20. Chapter 20

20.

Duncan and Gwen laughed about the gruesome killing in from the movie they just witnesses as they walked through the mall.

"I liked when the killer puts the flamethrower in the..." Duncan stopped and stared across the way into the bookstore, where Noah and Courtney stood, laughing about something or another.

"You okay, Duncan?" Gwen asked, putting her hands on his shoulders, trying to get him to walk again before he said what she was afraid he would say, "Hey, want to go into the bookstore?"

_**TDH**_

"Noah? Courtney?" Duncan laughed as he and Gwen entered the store, "Is that you?"

"Yeah," Noah looked to Courtney for guidance, "It's us."

"What are you guys doing here?" Duncan nervously laughed, never once taking his eyes off Courtney, "You don't really seem like the book type."

"You're shitting me," Noah said, again turning to Courtney trying to get her to end the conversation. Finally, Gwen stpped in, "Come on Duncan, we were just going to the... back to the house, see you two later." Duncan waved silently to Courtney as Gwen drug him out of the store.

_**TDH**_

"Hey, Duncan," Geoff walked in and sat next to Duncan, who was curled up in the fetal position, listening to some sad music, "Want to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?"

"Um, the whole Bookstore thing..."

"There's nothing to talk about," Duncan said, suddenly shocked by how Geoff had heard about the incident, "How-"

"Gwen told me," Geoff took off his hat and ran his hand through his hair, "She told me to come talk to you. How're you holding up?"

"Shitty."

"So do you or don't you?"

"Do I or Don't I... what?"

"Like Courtney?"

"Of course I don't like Courtney."

"Really?" Geoff laughed a little, "You're sticking to your guns on that one?"

"Yes, because it's the truth!"

"Does that explain why you're listening to "Even Now" by Barry Manilow?"

"What are you getting at?"

"You like her!"

"I do NOT!"

"Yes you do, dude, I can tell. But more importantly," Duncan turned and walked away from Geoff, "Gwen can tell. Are you really going to keep playing Gwen to try and show Courtney you've moved on?"

"What's that..."

"Cut the bullshit man, I can see through it, hell a few weeks ago I started doing that with Heather to prove I wasn't upset about Bridgette, but after awhile I just had to bite the bullet and face my feelings. I went to my cave and talked with my spirit animal... it's an echidna. And The Echidna told me that Bridgette means more to me that a thousand Heathers, A million Heathers, The entire cast of _Heathers_. And I knew I had to get her back if I wanted happiness," Geoff got up and started walking to the door, "You know scientists say that in this galaxy there's a mathimatical probability of three million Earth type planets, and in all the universe three million million galaxies like this, and in all of that, and perhaps more, only one of each of us. Don't destroy the one named Duncan." Duncan stared at the empty door way for a few seconds before laying back down.


	21. Chapter 21

21.

_ LAST time at the Total Drama House the teams went shopping... well, the Mops went shopping. Thanks to Heather's fearless leadership and trendy nature the Mops easily defeated the slackers that are the Vaccuums and won immunity, while the Vaccuums went to the elimination pit and sent home lovaeable Nerd Harold packing, and brought us to our final ten. Who will make it to the final nine? Will today be the day I finally send someone to an asylum? What will become of the tangled web of romance the housemates have been weaving? Find out today on one of the most exciting challenges yet at the Total. DRAMA. HHHHOOOOOUUUUSSSSSSEEEEE!!!!!!!_

_**TDH**_

"How are you big guy?" Geoff said sitting next to Duncan.

"Fine."

"Do you-"

"EVERYBODY FOLLOW ME!!!" Chef yelled running into the kitchen.

"What's wrong?"Leshawna asked as the contestants all leapt up running down the hallway.

"Chris is passed out in there!" Chef pointed into a room off the main hallway of the basement.

"Wait," Owen stopped, "I'm skipping breakfast... to save Chris?" The others ran into the room, as Chef pushed Owen in, knocking over most of the contestants.

The room was dark, until a large tv screen lit up the room, "HAHAHAHAHA!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY FELL FOR IT!!! I MEAN, CHEF SAID YOU WOULD AND I SAID... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! NO WAY!!!! BUT...You... did... hahaha... ha. That's Awesome. Anyway," A single bulb flicked on and a click of the door locking was heard, "The door is locked and as you can see above the door is a buzzer, when you guys want out, ring the buzzer. The last person still in the room wins immunity for his or her respective team. I'll check in every now and then, enjoy your time getting closer."

"So," Noah looked around, "All we have to do is stay in a room?"

"Yeah," Gwen said, "Seems that way."

"Huh," Noah sat down and opened his book, "It's every Friday night ever in my life."

"What's Chris getting at?" Heather asked, walking around the room, "Does he expect us to like go crazy or something?"

_**TDH**_

"I'M GOING CRAZY!!!!" Owen said running around the room, "Like out of my mind crazy!!! LIKE KING GEORGE CRAZY!!!!"

"We all need to relax," Gwen said, "Come on, we've only been locked in a room for like, an hour, maybe an hour and a half."

"And I haven't eaten Breakfast!"

"Weird Goth girl's... r...ri... we haven't been in here long, settle down Owen."

"I don't know," Duncan smirked, "Owen is on the other team, I don't know if I want him to settle down."

"What are you playing at?" Heather turned.

"Well, we're trying to have one person from our team, you one from your team, we WANT the other team to go crazy, so they ring the buzzer and leave. Simple as that."

** So, Duncan's a wack job, but he can strategize, even though I'm on the other team. **Heather smiled deviously. **We are so going to win this.**

"Um, team meeting!" Heather motioned as the Mops awkwardly crammed themselves into a corner of the small room, "Listen, Duncan's right. We need to do what we can to drive those Vaccuums out of here. It'll be best if we take them on one on one," Heather turned around, "This will be too easy."

"So, that's when I pun-" Duncan neared the end of his story to Geoff and Gwen when Courtney walked over and put her hand on Duncan's thigh, "I pu-pu-punched him in the... Uh, Princess, do you know what you're doing?"

"Yes," Courtney looked right into Duncan's eyes. **I know exactly what I'm doing.**

"Duncan, tell this witch to get lost!" Gwen said angrily, crossing her arms and standing up.

"Who're you calling a witch?" Courtney said standing up crossing her arms.

"Duncan, tell her to leave..." Gwen pointed towards the buzzer, "Or I leave."

**Told you I know what I'm doing**.

"Can't we just get along?" Duncan said shifting back and forth between the two girls, "Maybe ki- No, I shouldn't even joke about that."

"That's an answer enough for me," Gwen pressed the buzzer and Chef opened the door.

"WAIT UP!" Trent said running across the room and out the door.

**Okay, in hindsight... that was not the BEST strategy, but Gwen's worth it.**

The TV flicked on, "So that leaves four Mops and four Vaccuums. After two hours, Hey Chef? How's the lobster cooking?" The screen then went black.

"Lobster?" Owen looked up from the piece of floor board he had broken off and had been licking for the last few minutes.

**Lobster is delicious... a whole #$%% of a lot better than floor board. Now I have splinters on my tongue.**

"I wonder if I leave... Chris would give me lobster, right?"

"No." Heather said, "You will stay right there!"

"Princess," Duncan said as Courtney sat next to him, "What was-"

"What do you think you're doing, Mowhawk?" Noah walked up to the two.

"Nothing," Duncan stood up, "You're crazy wench just chased off my Girlfriend!"

"Crazy wench?"

Noah pushed Duncan, or at least he tried to push Duncan. Duncan sneered and grabbed Noah, carried him to the buzzer and pressed Noah's hand on the button. Chef swung the door open, "Which one of you pushed the button?"

"He did," Courtney said pointing at Noah.

"Courtney?" Noah said, "How-" The door slammed shut.

_**TDH**_

"7 hours in, Owen, how hungry are you?" Chris said from the screen.

"Very Hungry," Owen said, "No, don't tell them how hungry we are. Yes, we should tell them, they're our friends. No they-"

"There's a hamburger right ouside the door," Chris smiled.

"Really?!?!" Owen got up and began hitting the buzzer as hard as he could, "OPEN THE DOOR!!!"

The door Opened and Owen ran out into the hallway, "There's no-" The door slammed and Owen's screams could be heard as he was apparently being drug down the hallway.

"Another thing Cef said would work... maybe I shopuld start listening to him more." The screen went black.

"So, there's only six of us now?" Bridgette said looking away from Geoff.

"How long have you two been here?" Leshawna said looking over in suprise.

"As long as you guys," Geoff looked at Duncan, "I observed your problem with the mamasitas..." Courtney glared at Geoff, "And you totally should... screw it." He went back to making out with Bridgette.

"So... want to make out?" Duncan smiled at Courtney.

"No."

**YES!!! I REALLY REALLY DO!!! Why do I keep forgetting these get televised?**

"Come on!"

"No."

"Fine."

Suddenly there was ice cream truck music whoosing past the house., and Geoff leapt up, "No, baby." Bridgette said, putting her face in her hands, "There's not actually an ice cream-"

"ICE CREAM!" Geoff ran to the door and pressed the buzzer, "Come on Bridge, I'm buying!"

"Fine," Bridgette laughed as the pair walked out the door.

"No," Heather yelled at the two as they left, "I forbid you to go!"

"Oh well," Bridgette said as she shut the door, "Geoff, what did you see in her?"

"I really don't know."

"And no we're down to four, Duncan, Courtney, Heather, and Leshawna. Are you guys doing okay, because dinner is about to be served, and it smells De-to the- licious," Chris taunted from the screen, "No? No one wants to leave? Suit yourselves."

_**TDH**_

Duncan sprawled out on the floor, resting his head on Courtney's leg, she slowly stroked his head, "You so want me," he laughed.

"I do not!"

Suddenly water began pouring from the ceiling, drenching the students.

"So, at Dinner I decided to turn on the anti-fire system. How're feeling now? Anyone want out?" Heather and Leshawna got up and buzzed the buzzer.

"Where are you going?" Duncan said to Leshawna.

"This hair does not mix with water, know what I'm saying?"

"What about you?" Courtney glared at Heather?

"I hate being wet, you have no idea," Heather walked to the open door, "After me." Leshawna glared as they both left.

"And then there were two," Chris smiled as the screen flicked to black.

"You so want me."

_**TDH**_

"I'm not going to let you beat me," Courtney said walking around the room, "I can stay in a small room for hours, maybe even days!"

"Once I spent two months in solitary," Duncan sneered, "Game on, Princess."

"Stop calling me that," Courtney said sitting down, next to Duncan, "We're not together anymore."

"And who's fault is that?" Duncan smiled, making Courtney blush a little.

"If I remember," She finally said, "It was yours when you tricked me and embarrassed me on national television."

"Oh... yeah," Duncan looked down, "But technically you dumped me so... it would be your fault."

"Well, some one likes pointing fingers," Courtney laughed, "Just because I dumped you doesn't make it any less your fault. You did give me the reason to."

"Do you ever think we made a mistake seperating?"

"Maybe," Courtney pulled her knees up and rested her head on Duncan's shoulder, "sometimes more than others, but then I think about when you did me wrong."

"I'm going to stand up for a second, okay?" Duncan said, Courtney knodded and sat up, "What for?"

Duncan kissed her on the forehead and walked over and hit the buzzer. Chef opened the door and looked over at Courtney, "Congrats Crazy, you just won the challenge."

"Wow, did not see that coming, Congratulations Courtney, you just won the challenge for the Mops. As your reward, not only are the Mops immune, the MOPS get to vote a player of the Vaccuums off. The rest of your team is in the living room to vote, go down and join them. Duncan your team is by the fire pit, go join them."

_**TDH**_

"Yo, yo, yo Vaccuums, two straight weeks being in here, must suck doesn't it?" Chris looked around at the faces, "Well, it seems like it does suck. Anyways, I have four keys, and there are five contestants before me... the odds are not good for one of you. Keys go to Noah, Gwen, and Geoff. Leshawna and Duncan, ironically the last two in the room, or maybe that's no ironic... the last key goes to... Duncan!"

**So, just because I convinced my team not to vote off Duncan, doesn't mean I like him... because I don't.**

_And then there were 9, yes only nine, with Leshawna's departure the Vaccuums have lost two straight and are now have less players. Who will win next week? What will Duncan's team say about him tossing a challenge? Can ANYONE actually win in one of these games? Find out next time on Total. DRAMA. HHHHOOOOUUUUSSSSEEEE!!!!!_


	22. Chapter 22

22.

"So, Trent, I've got to ask," Gwen asked across the kitchen counter, "What was with the whole running out after me thing?"

"What running out after you thing?" Trent looked up from the bread he was spreading mustard on, "What makes you think I wasn't just sick of being in that little room?"

"The fact that you followed me into the library and you put more moves on me than Boughey on Bacall."

"You thought I was putting the moves on you?" Trent laughed, "That's kind of funny. Actually," He started walking to one of the tables, "That's VERY funny."

"Why is it so funny?"

"Do you seriously think me the kind of man who would stoop to stealing a friend's girl?"

"No..." Gwen coyly sat next to him as he took a bite of his sandwich, "Just thought maybe you kept a place for me in your heart."

"A small place," Trent chewed a little, and pointed at his hear "In between Bob Dylan and Emilie-Claire Barlow."

_**TDH**_

"So, Bridge, what advice should I give Duncan?"

"About what? He and Courtney are both happy AND in commited relationships, what advice does he need?"

"Well, do you honestly think he digs Gwen over Courtney?"

"It doesn't matter," Bridgette reclined in the chair next to the fire, "I mean, what stake do you have in this?"

"Duncan's my bro, I can't let him be unhappy. I mean, and Courtney, as psycho as she is, makes him happy."

"Well, the girl in me does make me want to meddle in other relationships..." Bridgette looked around for inspiration, "Well, to make it work, you'd have to get Gwen and Duncan on the rocks, then get Courtney to wedge herself into the rift you make, press the wedge hard enough..."

"And it cleaves the things on either side!" Geoff exclaimed, "And th-" Bridgette began kissing him again.

_**TDH**_

Gwen walked into the room and saw Courtney sitting over on her bed, "So, I've got a question roomie... it may seem random but..." Courtney looked up from the book she was reading, "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING IN THAT ROOM?!?!?!"

Courtney looked back down and nonchalantly answered, "Doing? I don't know what you're playing at?"

"You were throwing yourself at Duncan."

"It's strictly business," Courtney smiled, and she put the book on the bed side table, crossing her legs in one fluid motion, "Nothing personal."

"So... you're over Duncan?" Gwen crossed the room, "Under that tacky gray sweater, deep beneath that awful creme colored oxford, where a human being would have a heart, there's absolutly no space specially cut so a mowhawk could go in unruffled."

"I don't like your tone," Courtney said standing up, "And I don't like what you're accusing."

"Accusing? Me?"

"You may have that toguh girl facade you cling to like a magnet to metal, but," Courtney said, moving her head next to Gwen's ear, whispering the last few words, "I can see. right. through. you."

"Well," Gwen reached up and grabbed Courtney's hair, simultaneously kicking the back of Courtney's knee dropping her, "Did you see that one coming?"

Duncan walked down the hallway of the girls floor, when he heard a primal scream. This made him run and look into the room where Gwen and Courtney were locked in combat, punching and kicking, ripping at hair and clothes.

"Dude, what's the noise?" Geoff said walking up, looking from Duncan to the fighting girls, back to Duncan.

"Wait... Geoff, you're never in these dreams."

"What dreams?"

"Usually I... wait... this isn't a dream!"

"No, dude, it's not, if I would be in a mansion with chicks fighting just... okay, if this were a dream I'd have a pool of pudding." Geoff said.

"So then... that's actually happening?"

"Seems that way."

"I'm going to start going to church again."

_**TDH**_

"What happened to YOU?" Trent said, putting down his guitar and walking to the door of the library, where Gwen staggered in, bruised and battered.

"I just was in a fight with Courtney," Gwen said, plopping herself into a high backed armchair.

"There was a cat fight in the same house as me and..." Trent realized his thought process was angering Gwen, "Did you win?"

"Well..." Gwen looked at Trent, who pulled an ottoman over and sat down. Instinctively he pulled off one of her boots and began rubbing her left foot, "Duncan and Geoff broke up the fight, I yelled at him, called him a whorefucker and I stormed out, came here and oh, that feels really good."

"What can I say, I give great massages."

"Yeah, I remember."

"So, where's Duncan right now?" Trent said walking over tot he doorway, closing the double doors, "Did he act like he was going to follow you?"

"No, why do you ask?"

"I just don't want him to see what we're about to do."

"I've really miss-" Gwen was silenced by Trent's lips on hers.

_**TDH**_

"So, at any point during your royal rumble, dud you kiss?"

"No, Duncan, why would we?"

"Well, sometimes... ah... well, I was just curious."

"I mean, she was accusing that you and I still like each other."

"Wow, I really know how to pick the crazy ones." They shared a laugh.

"Well, we don't still like each other, we had our run."

"And it was fun well it lasted," Duncan shrugged.

"Yeah, it was fun." Courtney smiled and there was a long pause.

"Hey, Princess, want to make out?" There was another long pause as the pairs eyes met.

"You should probably..." Courtney started to lean in, as Duncan smiled and started to lean in himself.

"Yeah, I probably should he said, they both stopped and he stood up, and walked out of the room.


	23. Chapter 23

23.

_ LAST time on Total Drama House the teams were locked in a room and were forced to fight off Cabin Fever and try to stay sane, some stayed cool, like Duncan and Courtney, some lost their minds like Owen. Due to a Duncan surrender the Mops won their second straight and, thanks to their win, got the right to vote off a Vaccuum, and thanks to Courtney's lobbying they sent Leshawna packing. How will the Vaccums treat Duncan's sacrifice? Will the Mops continue to mop the floor with thir foes? Where do you go, my Lovely? Find out today at the Total. DRAMA. HHHHOOOOOOUUUUUUSSSSSEEEE!!!!!!_

_**TDH**_

"Duncan," Geoff pointed to the other end of the Vaccuum table, "Don't look now, but... well-"

"Yeah, I see Gwen down there," Duncan stabbed at his sausage.

"I said don't look."

"Geoff," Duncan sighed, "She made a production out of her snubbing of the spot I saved for her."

"Oh," Geoff looked down, "I guess I was in the can for that."

"Yeah, you were."

"It was a strategy, Noah," Courtney said as the pair sat down, "Trust me, it was..." Courtney let her words trail off after she made eye contact with Duncan.

"Well, I mean, I guess emotional manipulation is a method that should be commended."

"I'm glad you can see it my way."

"Morning," Chris walked in, "What's one of the peskiest professions out there?"

**Disclaimer: We mean no offense to families of our to the individuals who partake in our alleged "peskiest profession."**

"Door to door salesmen," Chris continued, "Today you will have to deal with the 'World's Most Annoying Door to Door Salesman.' Both teams will alternate and one at a time try to be polite to the Seller for a mere five minutes. If you are rude or slam the door your team doesn't get a point. But, if you last the full five minutes your team gets a point, To the front door!"

_**TDH**_

"Alright, because they lost last time, Vaccuums, you will go first," Chris stepped away from the door as the bell went off, "Gwen, can you get that?"

"Sure,"gwen walked up and opened the door, "Hello?"

"Good day, Sir." The intern said, "How are you today?"

"Sir?" Gwen frowned, "I'm a girl."

"Oh, sorry, I just assumed by the way your thighs were crammed into that skirt you were a tranny."

The door slammed as Gwen turned and walked back to her team.

**Alright, I gave up, but if I didn't slam the door... well... let's just say I would have made George Flamethrower look like a Nun.**

"HA!!!" Chris let out a loud monosyllabic laugh, "Heather, I think some one's at the door for you."

"Hello?"

"Hello, I'm from McClean and Hatchet and we're... oh my goodness, you're that chick from the Total Drama Series!"

"Yes I am."

"I laughed so hard when you got your head shaved."

"What?"

"Yeah, you totally had it coming. I mean, me and my girlfriend wanted to reach into the screen and slap you most of the time. Anyways, I am trying to se-eaghhh"

"I'll kill you!!" Heather said as she put her hands around the man's throat, causing Chef to run up and drag her away.

"And after two we have a tied score of zero, Duncan? Care to wow us with your good spirited nature?"

"I'll give it a try. Hello?"

"Hi, I'm here selling... you're that guy that got the fake bunny for DJ right?"

"What?"

"Yeah, you put up a tough guy front, but you're-"

"Dude, if you don't walk away you're about to get a leading role in 'Death of a Salesman.'"

"Thank you for your time," The intern reached in and closed the doors.

"Guys, he's just trying to make an honest living," Chris said, "Have you no sympathy?"

"Not really," Duncan said walking back over to the Vaccuums.

"Alright, Owen, you're a nice guy, go up there and talk it out."

_**TDH**_

"Hey, Chris!" Owen yelled running over to the host, "I just bought a chocolate statuette of you!"

"And Owen gives the Mops their first point of the game, Geoff, go try and get the Vaccuums a point."

_**TDH**_

"And after Geoff got the Vaccuums a point, Courtney, suprisingly assaulted the salesman, Trent failed, but Noah made it through, leaving Bridgette as the final contestant, and the crucial person. If she makes it the Mops win three straight, if she fails the Vaccuums recieve a much needed win. Go Bridgette."

"Hi!"

"Hello, I'm here selling Dolphin skin camera bags which-"

"What did you just say?"

"The camera bags are made of-"

"YOU CRUEL &%^#!!! DOLPHINS ARE OUR FRIENDS YOU SICK %#&$!!" Bridgette slammed the door shut, angrily huffing.

"And with that curse filled rant, the Mops lose. Tonight, I'll see you in the elimination pit. Vaccuums, as a reward tonight you get to all spend the night with some one very special from home. Each one of you have a special person waiting in a limo out front. You will get to go out to dinner and get to talk to some one you haven't seen in forever, have fun."

_**TDH**_

"Mops, after a nice run," Chris started laughing, "You failed. Only Owen was civil with the sales man, and as a result, he get's the first key." Chris tossed the key to Owen, "Heather and Trent, you're both safe. Courtney and Bridgette, you two were the most brutal to our Intern, who is actually crying because of the mean things that YOU said, and he is still limping from the kick that YOU delivered. One key and two people vying for it... but, in the end there can be only one... amongst four others, and that girl is... Courtney."

"What, you guys voted me off?" Bridgette turned around.

"Well, you did kind of cost us the challenge," Trent said.

"And you were mean," Heather said, missing the irony of her statements.

"What they said," Chris said as he pointed tot he gate which swung open, "The Van waits."

_ Now, there is an elite... well, there are 8 contestants left. Who will make it through next week? Can these kids keep putting up with each other? What will happen next? Find out next time at the Total. DRAMA. HHHHOOOOUUUUSSSSEEEEE!!!!!!!!_


	24. Chapter 24

24.

_LAST time on Total Drama House, a Door to Door salesman showed up and tried to sell something or another, in the process testing the patience of the housemates. While a few were able to be civil, Courtney and Bridgette took the side kick and curse out routes and in the end were the bottom two in the Mops elimination ceremony, but in the end Bridgette was sent packing because of her little outburst. How will Geoff take Bridgette's departure? Will we get sued by the Door to Door Salesmen Union? Will Any of my questions ever be answered? Find out today at the Total. DRAMA. HHHOOOOUUUUSSSSEEEE!!!!!!_

_**TDH**_

"I can't believe she's gone."

"Dude, it was bound to happen," Duncan said as he grabbed silverware, "I mean, she lost them the challenge, which from our end is a good thing, but still."

"I didn't even get to..." Geoff started to sniffle, "say good bye."

"You've been attached at the lips since you got back together, isn't that enough?"

"You don't understand," Geoff lost it and started crying.

"What did I tell you about crying?"

"If I cry you get to kick me in the ass?"

"That's right," Duncan said, "Hands on the table." Geoff put his hands on the table as Duncan delivered a swift kick to Geoff's rear end.

"Dude, why isn't Gwen sitting here with you?"

"She's been extra bitchy lately," Duncan started eating, "don't ask me why."

"No, Noah, it..." Courtney grabbed her plate, "it's... that's just a... well, it's weird."

"Well, I read this book once that-"

"Morning everyone, what are you girls still doing here, you're going to miss the carpool!" Chris said suddenly rushing the girls toward the door, "Because this whole show is based off of stereotypes, I mean seriously, look around you."

"What's stereotypical about a punk guy that went to juvie having piercings and a mowhawk?"

"Absolutly nothing," Chriss rolled his eyes, :"Anyways, today we're tackling two of the most known stereotypes: The Housewife and the White Collar Husband. But, because we do nothing straight forward, the girls will go with me to the office and the boys will stay with Chef and prepare dinner. The team that does better at both parts of the challenge wins," There was a sudden horn blast, "And there's your car pool, quickly! quickly!"

As Gwen, Heather, and Courtney were rushed out of the kitchen the boys looked around and then at Chef who was laying lace edged aprons on a table, "Come on Ladies, we've got cooking to do!"

_**TDH**_

"Where are we?" Heather asked as the three girls walked with Chris out of the elevator.

"Glad you asked," Chris pointed to a large painting of him dressed like Napoleon, standing with his hand in his shirt and perched on a magnificent, white horse, "These are the offices of the producers of the Total Drama Series. They have generously volunteered to let us use them for today's challenge. The first rule of office work is never take the crazy guys stapler, bad things happen when you take the crazy guys stapler. The second rule of office work is to have the TPS reports filed ON TIME. See the giant red clock on the wall?"

"Did you always have that clock?" Gwen asked.

"Yes," Chris smiled, "Interns enjoy the large numbers, but I enjoy the loud.. well, you'll find out. Any way, there are computers on each of the three desks, Hidden in files on the computer is ALL the data you need to write a report about the possible merger between Our Company and another Entertainment Company, well, it's less of a merger and more of a hostile take over, HA! You should have seen the tears in the eyes of their CEO when we... well, we may or may not have egged his house after our celebration. But more importantly, by the time that clock buzzes you have better filled out your report, which ever girl has her report the MOST filled in wins the first section of the challenge for her team, got it?" The girls knodded, "Well, then I'm going to my office, later!"

_**TDH**_

"Lissen up, maggots!" Chef paced in front of the boys, "You think you're men?" Chef laughed as the boys put on the aprons, "You're nothing! you're pathetic! You're weak! You couldn't make a fine dinner if your lives depended on it!"

"Do our lives depend on it?"

"Possibly, Book-maggot!"

**Crap.**

"Get started, you'll find recipes in the cook books over in that cabinet, getting busy, your better halves get home at 5."

_**TDH**_

**So I was trying to find information for this report, but I mean... it was harder to find than a flaw in Trent's personality.** Gwen stopped. **I meant Duncan.**

"Chris?" Courtney whined, "Are you sure this stuff's in here?"

"One second," Chris said to the cute girl standing by the water cooler, "What do you want?"

"Did you lie about those files?" Courtney said looking around.

"Yeah, I can't find squat," Gwen shrugged.

"All I found was pictures of you," Heather added as she turned to address the host.

"Think about it... think about it..." Chris started to smile as he walked back to the water cooler, "Did you catch Total Drama Prep last night, Cutie?"

_**TDH**_

"Um, Owen, I know you know how to eat, but can you cook any of this stuff?"

"No, Trent, I can't." Owen flipped throught he book, "Hey, Trent, have you ever realised how we sound alike?"

"Nope."

"Man, I wish DJ were here," Noah moped.

"Man, I wish Bridgette were here," Geoff moped.

"Man, I wish we didn't have to wear these stupid aprons." Duncan moped.

"How goes it ladies?"

"Crappy and ineffecient," Noah said.

"That's what I thought," Chef walked back out of the kitchen, "And if you think you need me... forget about it, Full Metal Jacket's on the moving picture box."

_**TDH**_

"And Gwen wins part one of the challenge!" Chris said reading through the report.

"How?" Heather said, "I couldn't find... wait... this whole thing is about-"

"YOU!: Courtney turned in her desk chair, "We were supposed to be looking for information about you, there wasn't ANY thing about the hostile take over, because that was merely a red herring!"

"Yuppers," Chris smiled, "But only Gwen was smart enough to figure that out in time. On to the next leg of the challenge."

_**TDH**_

"Two things Owen, One: It's already 4 and Courtney and Heather will be home in an hour, and Two: Yeah, I kind of hear the similarity in our voices."

"Told you."

"WE'RE DOOMED!" Geoff screamed running around the kitchen, "DOOOOMMMMEEEDD!!!"

Noah curled up in a ball rocking back and forth, "Now I lay me down to sleep..."

**I was afraid I'd have to reveal the cooking skills I learned in juvie. And well, it's all come down to me, and because I may have sacrificed that 'stuck in the room' challenge, well, I guess I owe the team my pride.**

"Noah, go get me the cook book, Geoff, get your $#!% together, we've got a casserole to make."

_**TDH**_

"The car pool car is waiting in the parking deck downstairs, for your last challenge you'll have to punch out and make it to the van, BUT you'll have to make it past Fran the office gossip girl. Courtney, you go first."

"Hey there, you must be new in the office, I'm Fran, I-"

"OH MY GOSH!" Courtney gasped and pointed over Fran's shoulder, "Is that Emilie-Claire Barlow?"

"Where?" Fran turned around and frantically looked about, Courtney turned and motioned to Heather and Gwen as the three ran past Fran and out the door.

_**TDH**_

"This is the best thing I've tasted... ever," Noah's eyes grew large, "Screw DJ!"

"Dude, you've got mad kitchen skills."

"Delinquent, what did you do to this?" Chef said, "This is not only edible, but worthy of a medal. The Vacuums win the domestic portion of the challenge!"

"How'd it go?" Chris said walking into the kitchen as Gwen, Courtney, and Heather walked in after him.

"Delinquent helped Book Maggot and Party boy beat Tubby and Beat Nick," Chef said.

"Well, Gwen won one of the challenges, and Courtney the other, putting the score at Mops 1, Vacuums TWO! The Vacuums win! Mops, I'll see you at the elimination pit for the second straight week."

_**TDH**_

"On the plus side this is the last time that you Mops will be sent here, why you ask? Oh yeah, because after this elimination the teams are going to be dissolved. BUT before we can get to the juicy Total Drama, ha, see what I did there? any ways, the Total Drama of the final seven, one of you has to get sent away. Well, there are three keys on the platter in front of me, but there are four kids sitting around the fire pit. The chocolate in the keys is starting to melt so I should really start handing these out. Heather and Owen, you're both safe. Trent, you're not safe. Courtney, here's your key."

"Can I at least say goo bye to-"

"Nope," Chris said as Chef grabbed Trent and drug him to the gate, "Please let the gate hit you on the way out!" Chris started to laugh, "No one else find that funny?"

_**TDH**_

"Where's Trent?" Duncan asked as Owen walked down the hallway.

"By now I'd say... about twenty blocks that way."

"Wait, how'd he get voted off?" Geoff asked, obviously shocked.

"I dunno," Owen walked in and sat on his bed, "I'm as suprised as you are."

_**TDH**_

"Roomie, how'd the vote go?"

"Well, Trent's gone," Courtney smiled into the mirror.

"What?"

"Yeah," Courtney turned and smirked, "Good thing you're all about Duncan."

"Yeah... good thing," Gwen looked out the window, wondering if Trent was thinking about her.

_**TDH**_

_ Well, the teams are officially gone as we move one episode closer to the season finale. Seven housemates are still standing Heather, Geoff, Owen, Gwen, Duncan, Noah, and Courtney. Who will stand tall? Who will fall? Who will leave the house with an esxtra Two Million Dollars? Find out in the thrilling final episodes of Total. DRAMA! HHHHHOOOOUUUUUSSSSSSSEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!_


	25. Chapter 25

25.

"So, If you don't mind me asking," Gwen asked from her bed as Courtney continued to ready herself for bed, "Why did you vote Trent off?"

"Well, think about it, there were 5 guys, and 3 girls, and with team dissolution coming there could have been 5 guys against 2 girls, or 4 to 3, which is more fair?"

"How do you know that the guys would form an alliance?"

"Well, the fact that Geoff and Duncan have been in one since we got to the house, and that Owen will most likely join them, leaving Noah as a free agent, and he's not an idiot, he'd join up with them just for the safety."

"Then why not Owen?"

"Why do you care? You're dating Duncan," Courtney spat out, "Why do you care what happens to Trent?"

"I'm... I'm not sure."

_**TDH**_

"Noah, can I talk to you for a minute?" Heather said leaning into Noah's room.

"Will I have to respond, or will you just talk on and on so I can just nod and ignore you?"

"Mostly the second one."

"Proceed."

"You and I aren't the most popular people here."

"Hey, I didn't get dumped by a party monster."

"No..." Heather made her way into the room and sat on Justin's bed, "No you didn't, but that's not the point. The point is that the teams are gone, and we'll need some back up."

Noah lowered his book, "What are you suggesting?"

"We form an alliance, you bring Courtney in and then we could have a nice chunk of the votes."

"What's in it for me?"

"A trip to the final three, maybe even the final two..." Heather smiled.

_**TDH**_

"Geoff, can I tell you something?"

"Of course, Dude," Geoff said as Duncan walked in and sat on Harold's vacated bed.

"I may... or may not... still..."

"HA! I know you still like Courtney, everyone does."

"What?"

"Yeah, it's even more obvious than her crushing on you first season."

"Are you serious?" Duncan fell back, "I was trying to keep it a secret."

"Dude, we watched the live video of the room from that cabin fever challenge and that's why Gwen's been extra bitchy lately."

"Really? Fuck."

"Well, why not just cut the tie with Gwen, and move in on Courtney."

"She's with Noah," Duncan moaned, "And she probably doesn't even want me."

_**TDH**_

"You're still crushing on Duncan," Gwen yelled throwing her diary at Courtney, "He's mine you bitch."

"Would you be so judgemental if I had Trent?" Courtney said, dodging the diary, "You called Bridgette a 'hag' because she was with Trent. You would trade Duncan for Trent if you could, yo're not fooling anyone."

"Assume much? How the hell do you know I want Trent?"

"Well," Courtney smiled as she picked up Gwen's diary, "_July 19th~ Trent was just voted out of the house and I feel like a part of me was sent off in the van with him. _Awww so romantic." Courtney's smile grew more malicious with each new word, "_Despite Duncan being so awesome, Trent was like the parts of me I feel missing. I do my best to hide my feelings towards Trent from Duncan, but I still wake up crying in the middle of the night. Wondering how I could feel so bad about losing him. _Want me to go on... or should I stop?"

"I noticed something," Gwen said cooly sitting back on the bed.

"What?"

"You never denied my accusation of you still liking Duncan, In fact your response was an attempt at justification."

"It most certainly was not!"

"Oh yeah? I said you still like Duncan, you then turned it around trying to make it seem okay that you still like Duncan."

Courtney silently sat down on her bed.


	26. Chapter 26

26.

_ Last time at the Total Drama House, in our most offensive episode yet we reversed the stereotypes of the House Wife and the White Collar Husband. The Mops won half the challenge, the Vaccuums won the other half, but due to Duncan's suprising culinary mastery the Vaccuums pulled off the last team challenge and the Mops eliminated Trent, leaving us with 7. How will Trent's absences affect Gwen? What're Noah and Heather planning? How long until Gwen or Courtney kills the other one? Find out today at the Total. DRAMA. HHHHOOOOOUUUUSSSSSSEEEEE! _

_**TDH**_

When Owen opened his eyes, he saw blackness, "I'm blind! I'M BLIND! Noah! NOAH! What can cause blindness?"

**Lonely Saturday Nights.**

"Relax Owen," Chris said, "You're not blind," The van rocked, "You're blind-FOLDED."

"Oh, good," Owen breathed out, "I was afraid I could no longer find my way to the kitchen."

"Well, here's today's challenge, you seven, you magnificent seven, are going to be dropped off at an undisclosed location and you'll be forced to find your way back to the house."

"That's sounds simple enough," Owen laughed.

"But we don't know the house's address, bro."

"How silly of me," Chris laughed, "It's 1138 Lucas street, ha, I love references. Any way, the first housemate to make it back to the house gets invincibility. Remember, the teams have ben dissolved so it's every man-"

"Or Woman," Heather interrupted.

"Or woman, for himself-"

"Or Herself," Heather interrupted again.

"Or herself," Chris started helping the Housemates out of the van, "When the intern takes off your blindfolds you can start."

After the sound of tires screeching off vanished, the interns removed the blindfolds, "So, uh, you cna go now."

The Housemates silently broke into small units and ran off in different directions.

_**TDH**_

"So, Geoff, what city are we in, even?"

"Duncan," Geoff stopped, "I'm a party monster, not a navigator."

"So, we're seriously up $#!% creek without a paddle?"

"Seems that way," Owen piped up.

_**TDH**_

"So, Noah, I know why YOU'RE walking with me, but... her?"

"Well, Heather has an interesting proposal," Noah smiled, "That involves me getting to the final two."

"What about me?"

"What about you?" Heather smiled.

_**TDH**_

Gwen stormed down the sidewalk alone.

**Okay, maybe I'm playing too much of a loner, but still, I don't want to see Duncan and I don't want to talk to Heather or... ugh, Courtney. So I walked alone, on this narrow street of cobblestone, beneath the... you know what, screw the Simon and Garfunkel nod.**

"Okay," Gwen began to reason with herself, "Maybe I like Trent, is that bad? We're like a month from our one year. Which, considering the other couples... well, we did break up, but that was... well, both of us." She stopped, " But I can't be blamed, the last time it was... I can't believe I'm talking to myself aloud in public."

_**TDH**_

"So, Uh, Duncan," Owen asked, as he checked street signs, "Where's Gwen?"

"Like I care," Duncan rolled his eyes.

"Well, aren't you two dating?"

"So?" Duncan glared, "You and Izzy are dating, do you know where she is?"

"If the RCMP doesn't know where she is, why would I?" Owen nervously laughed.

"See," Duncan continued, "I don't need to know where she is, and frankly I don't care."

"Yes you do," Geoff laughed, "Becuase you don't want her to see you macking on Courtney."

"Why on God's green earth would I mack on Courtney?"

"Because you like her."

"I do not like her, she's uptight, bossy, whiney, a total drama queen, and she reminds me of my mother."

**He likes her.**

_**TDH**_

"So, Noah, winning's more important than us?"

"Of course it is, Sweetie," Noah smiled, "But you'd say the same thing about me right?"

"Now I would, Maybe we're not as compatible as I thought."

"Don't be so melodramatic."

**I knew I could drive a wedge between the two... "love birds" but I didn't think I could do it this easily. I'm better than I thought. **

"Don't tell me what not to be," Courtney said, "You never cared about me, did you?"

"Well, you're a strong player, and you did help me get this far whilst eliminating many of the people who annoy me, but beyond the love of a puppeteer and his puppet, no I never did care for you."

Courtney stepped back and drilled a kick into Noah's groin, "I think we should see other people," Courtney yelled as she stormed off.

"That wasn't in the plan," Heather said as she watched Courtney angrily turn down a side street.

_**TDH**_

"Courtney, what are you doing here?" Gwen said as Courtney mad her way to the intersection Gwen stood at.

"Goin to cross that street," Courtney said typing on her PDA.

"Wait, you have a PDA with you?"

"Yup," Courtney smiled.

"With access to the internet?"

"Yup."

"Have you been crying?"

"Yu- I mean no."

"Want to bury the hatchet and win this challenge?" Gwen said putting out her hand.

"Yup." Courtney smiled as she took Gwen's hand.

"Um, what would you say if I was considering breaking it off with Duncan?"

_**TDH**_

"So, do we have the slightest idea where we're going, bros?" Geoff said slumping into the park bench he was by.

"Well, We need to either find the house," Owen's stomach gurgled, "Or a Burger Yacht because my stomach is fixing to collapse in on itself, like a star."

**In many ways my stomach is a star, large, bright white, and full of gas. **Owen proceeded to pass gas, **Alright, now my stomach has less gas, but still.**

"I have no idea where we're going." Duncan looked around.

"Wait, there's the van!" Geoff said pointing at a house on the corner.

"But, the house isn't yellow or on a corner," Duncan pointed out as Geoff and Owen started running toward the house.

_**TDH**_

"I have a question," Noah asked as Heather and he made their way down a street, "Why do girls always kick towards the groin area? I mean really, men have multiple areas that would cause pain if hit."

"Yeah, but the groin is such an easy target."

"So, do you think Courtney will be back?"

"No, I don't," Heather responded, stopping to survey the area, "Um, there's the sun setting, so that would make that west, how does the sunrise look from the house?"

"I don't know, the sun isn't my friend."

"You are such a goob."

_**TDH**_

"Snootchy Bootchies!" Geoff yelled jumping through the doorway and running into Eva.

"If you tocuh me again I'll decapitate you and use your head as a medicine ball," Eva said walking off.

"Where are we?" Owen said looking around.

"OWEN!" Izzy yelled leaping from a nearby couch and landing on Owen's back, "Look, I'm like Yoda in Empire! Do, or do not, there is no try!"

"Izzy?" Owen smiled, "Wait, we must be at the elimination house!"

"What was your first clue?" Harold said from a ping pong table in the corner of the large room Owen, Geoff, and now Duncan stood in.

"Hey, Doris," Duncan smiled and started walking towards Harold.

"Crap!" Harold yelled dropping his paddle.

"HA!" Cody celebrated from the other end of the table, "I win!"

"Geoff?" Bridgette said as she, Leshawna, Katie, and Sadie came running down the stairs, "All three of you got eliminated?"

"No, babe!" Geoff excitedly said as he kissed her, "We're participating in a challenge, and we saw the van!" Geoff was silenced by Bridgette's kissing.

_**TDH**_

"So, why do you want to dump Duncan?"

"Well, I mean, he's great and all, don't get me wrong," Gwen began, "But he's not..."

"Trent?"

"Yeah, as cheesy as that sounds."

"I understand completly."

"Really?" Gwen asked, "You're broken up about Noah?"

"Okay, maybe I don't understand," both girls laughed as Courney pointed, "Just three blocks south, and then one west."

_**TDH**_

"Come on guys," Duncan said looking around, "We don't have a lot of time, Courtney's probably busted out her PDA by now, giving her a map to the house."

"Are you kidding me?" Geoff said looking away from Bridgette for a moment, "Time's what we got plenty of!"

"Yeah," Owen laughed as Izzy stopped kissing his lips and moved to his neck, "Give us a little more time."

_**TDH**_

"Congratulations Courtney and Gwen, as a result of your tie, you BOTH get immunity," Chris smiled as the two girls walked into the living room, "But, I must say I'm pretty dissappointed that there was no street fight out there, I actually paid an intern to yell 'Finish Her' in a sinister voice if one of you got the upper hand."

"Sorry to dissappoint," Gwen said sitting down, "Now about dinner?"

_**TDH**_

"You!" Heather screamed as she burst into Courtney and Gwen's room, pointing an accusing finger at Courtney.

"What?" Courtney said.

"Because you and Noah broke up I had to babysit that nuerotic robot and try and find my way back here as he analyzed, reanalyzed, and re-reana-okay, you're getting the picture now, what went wrong!"

"He actually cares?" Courtney said.

"No," Heather said sitting at the room's desk, "He just was trying to figure out the algorithm, or the logrithm, or the... what ever the hell he was ranting about, behind relationships, acting as if he can predict success based off of an input... what a weirdo."

_**TDH**_

"Come on guys," Duncan said making his way towards the door, "We've been here an hour, can we go now?"

"No!" Geoff yelled from upstairs, "Just bring me a sports drink!"

"Owen?"

"Nope," Izzy said.

"I didn't ask you E-Psycho," Duncan said sitting down on the couch next to Owen and Izzy.

"Don't make me summon Explosivo, one of the many spirits inside this body," Izzy angrily yelled at Duncan.

"Don't worry," Duncan kicked up his feet, "I won't."

"What the heck man?" Chris said kicking open the front door, "Duncan! Owen! Geo- Where's Geoff?"

"Upstairs," Duncan said flipping the channel, "With Bridgette."

"Wait," Chris stopped as he started up the stairs, "Can I go up there with the camera crew without getting shut down by a parents group?"

"Couldn't tell ya."

"Geoff? Can you come down here?"

"I guess..." Geoff's voice sadly came down the stairs.

_**TDH**_

"Alright, Duncan, Geoff, and Owen, now that you know where the other house is you'll be on the honor system to not go back," Chris said from his fire pit side podium.

**I remember a time they put me on the honor system in juvie... I was out of there before nightfall. They caught me, but that goes to show me and the honor system don't jive well.**

"Courtney and Gwen get keys for their invincibility, and Heather is also safe," Chris said tossing keys, "Geoff and Owen here are your keys. Leaving Duncan and Noah. This is interesting because the two of you were the ONLY two to recieve any votes," Chris looked between the nerd and the punk, "And with only 3 of the votes, Duncan you're safe."

"How could this happen?" Noah stood up angrily, "My odds of success were-"

"Never tell me the odds," Duncan laughed.

"This is an outrage!" Noah turned to Courtney, "What now? What will I do with out you?"

"Frankly my nerd," Courtney said as Chef drug Noah to the gate, "I don't give a D%#."

_ And Noah finally get's taken down, his schemeing and over all evil are gone from the house. Leaving us with 6 housemates. How long can they last? What will become of Gwen, Duncan, and Courtney's love triangle (whoa... Deja-Vu)? Will Owen or Heather win the game for a second time? How will Geoff fair in the final six? Find out next week at the Total. DRAMA. !_


	27. Chapter 27

27.

_ LAST week on... wait... Week? It's only been a week? I mean it feels like it's been a few months but... oh, I'm digressing, Last year... I mean week on Total Drama House. After watching The Warriors on TV I sent the kids on a cross city run to try and find their way back home. While Courtney technically cheated, Gwen and Courtney arrived back first, granting them both spots in the final six. Heather and Noah arrived next, and I had to hunt down Geoff, Duncan, and Owen who some how found the elimination house. After annoying Heather, breaking up with Courtney, and generally just angering everyone in the house bookworm Noah reached the end of this story and had to catch the 3:10 van to Yuma... and by that I mean the elimination house. Who will be the next to join him? Are Gwen and Courtney going to be BFFs? Will Geoff and Owen be able to go back to a make out less life? Find out today at the Total. DRAMA. HHHHHOOOOOOUUUUUUSSSSSEEEEEE!_

_**TDH**_

Owen yawned loudly as he rolled out of his bed, he hit the floor and rolled to his back, scratching his stomach.

**Okay, so at first I didn't find it strange that Chef and Chris let us sleep in until 11:30.**

Owen loked at the clock and then screamed.

** Then I found it very strange.**

"Duncan! Geoff! OWEN!" Owen stopped, "Wait, I'm Owen... DUNCAN! GEOFF!"

"What is it?" Duncan said jumping into Owen's room.

"Yeah, Bro," Geoff said rubbing his eyes, "Why did you wake me?"

"It's 11:32!" Owen whispered, "And Chris hasn't violently rocked us from our beds!"

"So?" Duncan said yawning, "Is that really something to complain about?"

"It can only mean one thing!" Owen leapt to his feet, "CHRIS IS DEAD!"

"What?" Geoff sat up stunned, "Chris is dead?"

"Yes, it's the only logical explaination!"

"I guess it is," Geoff said as he fell onto Owen's bed, "I can't believe it."

"What's the commotion?" Chris asked as he walked into the room.

"ZOMBIE CHRIS!" Owen yelled grabbing the garbage can in the room and throwing it at Chris, hitting him in the head and knocking him down.

"Owwww..." Chris angrily moaned, "Owen, what the %$#?"

"Sorry... I just assumed that because you let us sleep in you were dead, and then when you showed up that could only mean you're a zombie."

"I love your enthusiasm, but save it for... you know what, never mind," Chris stood up, "Today's challenge isn't until around dinner time so me and Chef decided to let you all sleep in, you know... to be nice."

"First time for everything," Duncan snorted as he left the room.

_**TDH**_

Courtney stretched her legs before she sat up, smiling slightly. Gwen slept on.

"Morning, Sweetheart," Duncan said leaning on the doorway.

"Gwen's still asleep," Courtney said as she pulled on her robe.

"I wasn't talking to her," Duncan smiled, which caused Courtney to blush, "So what made you want to vote off Brainiac?"

"Well, he thought he knew everything about everything, seems to be a recurring theme in guys I know," the prep sarcastically grinned.

"Ouch," Duncan laughed as he sat down next to her, "So, you're single?"

"Yeah, I am... and I plan to stay that way."

"Random question time, as a girl... what should I do about Gwen?" Gwen opened her eyes, but closed them as soon as she realized what Duncan and Courtney were talking about.

"Well... You guys haven't been getting along lately... maybe try a break, not a break up just a break."

"No, we really haven't been," Duncan spun and laid down, "I mean, she's great and all," Gwen smiled, "But it just doesn't seem like we click, you know?"

"I know," Courtney said looking away.

"Well, I've got to go," Duncan said standing up, "Um, the guys are... doing... something."

"See you later," Courtney smiled, brushing the hair out of her face. Duncan smiled as he walked out of the room.

"Sneaky," Gwen said sitting up, "but, next time make sure I'm asleep, or at the very least out of the room."

"I wasn't... I mean I..." Courtney stood up and started backing towards the bathroom, "Me and Duncan are... thro-AAAHHH!" Courtney screamed as she leapt into the bathroom and slammed the door, narrowly avoiding the pouncing Gwen.

_**TDH**_

"What was that?" Geoff asked as he stopped flipping through the channels on the TV.

"I don't know," Duncan shrugged as he stuffed another handful of popcorn into his mouth, "An I dough rully cur."

"Guys," Owen sat down, trying to be cool, "I mean, Bro's, we need to have a guy to guy... to guy, conversation."

"Okay," Geoff turned the TV off, "What's on your mind?"

"Um... I think Chris is going to kill us tonight."

"Huh?" Duncan sat up, "What made you come up with that?"

"Well, why would he not torture us today? Because he wants our last days to be good! It's the only logical-"

"Hey guys," Chris walked into the room, "What're you talking about?"

"Nothing, haha" Owen laughed, rubbed his neck, began sweating, and looked every possible direction except at Chris.

**I think I impressed the guys with how James Bond I was.**

** So, Owen kind of acted more like a bra then a bro, if ya catch my meaning.**

** Me and Geoff were kind of... well, disturbed by Owen's actions.**

"Any ways, it's my... LINE!" Chris yelled as an intern ran up to Chris and whispered in his ear, "It is my honor to invite the three of you to a formal dinner party this evening. These suits have been fitted for you and you will be required to wear them tonight, thank you."

_**TDH**_

"No," Heather looked at the dress laying on her bed, "He can't expect all three of us to go to this wearing the same dress!"

"For once," Courtney pulled Heather's desk chair over and sat down, "I agree... the rules of fashion do over rule our squabbling."

"Is it really that bad if we..." Gwen was about to say 'look alike' but then an image of Heather, Herself and Courtney dressed the same, acting the same, laughing the same, and calling each other 'Heather' popped into her head, "Does anyone else think this is too 'Heathers'?"

"Too me?"

"Nevermind," Gwen grabbed her dress and walked out of the room, "See you tonight."

_**TDH**_

"Greetings guests," Chriss smiled from the head of the table, "You'll find place cards at each seat with your name's, please sit at your respective spots." The kids fanned out and soon a loud groan came from Duncan.

"Chris, you put me in between Courtney and Gwen?"

"Yes," Chris laughed, "Yes I did. What other seating arrangement could illicite drama of the total variety like that one?"

"You do realize I hate you, right?" Duncan said as both Gwen and Courtney looked at him, impling he was to pull their chair out for them.

"Yes, and it sustains me!" Chris cackled, "Alright, tonight is the fancy dinner party. And this is definitly a two edged sword, our etiquette expert Chef will be evaluating each of you and the one with the best manners, posture, etc. wins immunity. And as a side challenge I'll be bringing up embarassing moments from the last season as conversational topics, trying to knock you off your game so Chef can knock down your points. Every one understand?"

"Well," Heather smirked, "Because Beth and Lindsey aren't here, I'd say yes, everyone understands."

"Ouch," Chef said from the monitoring room as he docked Heather a point.

Two interns brought out soups and began placing them infront of the kids, who began partaking "So, Courtney," Chris asked after Courtney took a sip from her spoon, "have you heard from Noah lately? because I have!" The soup flew from Courtney's mouth onto Duncan's face.

"Uh... What did... What did he say?" Courtney stammered as she slumped in her chair.

"That you have Bad posture," Chef cackled to himself, "And two points off for stammering.

"Well, he was just wondering if you ever think of him?" Chris smiled and nodded to an intern, "Good soup."

"Well, Princess," Duncan smiled at Courtney's pain, "Do you?"

"Well, like any mistake... I think about what I could have done better, but not... romantically or God forbid lustfully."

"That's not what I hear when you talk in your sleep," Gwen sneered.

"What did you just say?" Courtney said after spitting another spoonful of soup on Duncan.

"You heard me," Gwen smiled, "This is really good soup."

"Isn't it?" Chris agreed.

"So Geoff, Bridgette asked about... what was it... something about a video tape?"

"A ta-" Geoff's eyes grew wide as he dropped his spoon into his bowl.

"Does that mean you're not going to finish that?" Owen said eyeing Geoff's soup.

"Tsk, Tsk, Mr. McGreedypants," Chef marked a point off Owen.

"Geoff!" Heather glared, "You said-"

Gwen spat a spoonful of soup onto Duncan who's brow was furrowing and his knuckles turning white with rage, "A s-"

"The censors Gwen, the censors" Chris said through clenched teeth.

"A Tape?" Gwen looked from Geoff to Heather and then back, "Really?"

"Vulgarity at the dinner table, minus five from everyone," Chef shook his head, "Savages."

"Wow, you two are-" Courtney started when Chris interrupted, "Are what, Courtney? Shall we play the tape of you?"

"What tape?" Duncan said slamming the table, causing Chef to mark off five points.

"We taped her while she slept... Billy Joel goes walking in his sleep, and Courtney reveals deep dark secrets," Chris took a sip of his soup, "Trust me Duncan, you'd love it."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Gwen turned and glared at Chris, before turned her death glare towards Courtney.

"Trust me, I don't know," Courtney nervously spooned a noodle in the soup around the outer edge of the bowl.

"I doooo" Chris laughed.

"Um, not that this isn't fun and all," Owen asked, "But... is the main course coming? Because I am this close to eating the center piece."

**In my defense... I only took a nibble of it.**

"Actually," Chris put his finger in his ear, "The producers are telling me we have more than enough juciy B-roll, and Chef is adding up the scores to give us our winner. But,before the official results pour in I want you to know you are all savages."

_**TDH**_

"Well, the results are in and there was a three way tie between Gwen, Geoff, and Duncan, So I gave Chef Carte Blanche in picking our winner and it broke down like this... Duncan, Chef hates you, so you didn't win, and Gwen... well, same reason as Duncan. Geoff you're immune."

"Whoa, Chef likes me?"

"No, he just hates you less that those two losers," Chris laughed, "Ched doesn't like anyone... except Shania Twain. Any who... you all have some voting to do... maybe you should go start schemeing and backstabbing, but make sure you do it infront of the cameras... toodles!"

_**TDH**_

"Wow... I'm kind of suprised there was no note worthy schemeing... any ways we have bigger fish to fry, and by fish I mean you guys and by fry... I mean vote off. The votes are in, and the future is set in stone. Geoff, here's your key, Courtney and Duncan... hehehe you are both safe, Heather- Catch! Okay so that leaves Owen and Gwen our first winner and our first runner up... only one of you can stay and that. person. is... Gwen. Sorry Owen, but... it's your time."

Owen walked down the front walkway, stopping right before he got in the van, "I came, I ate I-"

"Got your fat $$ in the van," Chef said grabbing Owen's shirt pulling him in.

_Now that Owen's gone we have Crazy Gwen, Crazier Courtney, Even Crazier Heather, Psycho Duncan and... Geoff. Which means there will be more drama than a telenovella! And... Geoff. Which means you'll need to come back... because we'll be here... seriously this time!_


	28. Chapter 28

28.

_Last time on Total Drama House, I tried to make the housemates civilized human beings... which was about as fun as as swallowing a porcupine tail first. After some interesting dinner... discussion, Owen was sent home, leaving us with more crazy than a sack of ferrets... and Geoff. Will the inclusion of so many crazies lead to the drama we crave? What will happen next? Will this season finish before the next millenium? Find out on Total. DRAMA. !_

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK!" a high girly voice rang throughout the house.

"What's that?" Heather looked up from her magazine.

"Sounds like some girl screaming," Courtney said looking away from the punching bag for a second.

"Yeah," Gwen said, "But we're all right here."

_**TDH**_

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK!"  
"I THOUGHT HAROLD WAS SENT HOME!" Duncan groaned, "How can we still hear his whiny voice?"

"That's not him, dude," Geoff suddenly realized, "It's CHRIS! TO the shrieking host, Boy Wonder!" Geoff said leaping to his feet.

"Oh no, I'm not Robin," Duncan said standing, "If I'm either one I'm-"

"WILL YOU STOP YOUR BICKERING AND JUST COME RUNNING!" Chris yelled.

_**TDH**_

"As you all heard... I was screaming," Chris began, "Now... there is a reason, anyone care to guess it?"

"Um, you have a zit?" Courtney asked pointing at the large amount of cover up on Chris's chin.

"ANOTHER ONE? Wait... no I don't. Because you're all stupid, I'll have to tell you. I saw... a mouse!"

"GASP!" Everyone gasped, except Duncan who rolled his eyes.

"I know, right? Anyways you're challenge is to find out the mouse... before it chases you out of the house! Good luck!" Chris walked off.

"What do you think he meant by-" Geoff started to ask before a loud crash was heard upstairs, "Um... should we go check that out?"

"I'd assume Chris wants us to... So I vote we ignore it." Heather said as she sat down on the couch.

"Well, I vote we go and check it out." Courtney said.

"Which means I vote we ignore it," Duncan smirked as he plunked himself down next to Heather.

"So you'd rather side with Heather than us?" Gwen said as Courtney crossed her arms.

"Listen Cowboy, you may think you're hot stuff but I know the reason you're not going and that's fear," Courtney, Gwen, and Geoff made their way out of the room, "So stay with Heather you... scruffy nerf herder!"

"HEY!" Duncan leapt up, "Who're you calling a nerf herder?"

_**TDH**_

**While those losers were searching for this mouse I thought I'd catch up on a little Television.**

"Heather-eather-eather"

"Who's there?"

"Heather-eather-eather"

"Oh, haha Duncan. Try and scare me. Good but not good enough."

"I'm not Duncan," A creepy voice from behind the couch, "But I'll scare you better than he ever could."

_**TDH**_

"Hey, little brodent? are you in here?" Geoff called out into the darkness of the attic.

"It's a mouse," Courtney sneered, "Like it will even hear you."

"Oh. I heard."

Courtney and Gwen both shrieked and latched onto Duncan.

** Now, I can only assume how my bro Duncan felt, but that must have been awkward.**

**I was just trying to make sure Duncan didn't run... he's such a little baby. A muscular baby, but a baby all the same.**

"Wait... I know that voice." Duncan muttered, "But I just can't place it."

"Boo." A large man in a mouse costume uttered as he rose up behind the group.

"ZOINKS! Like lets get out of here!"

The group ran off in different directions.

_**TDH**_

Heather stopped in the kitchen and ducked behind the table.

** I think I kept my composure quite well.**

"I WANT MY MOMMY! AND CHANNING TATUM I WOULDN'T MIND IF CHANNING TATUM WERE HERE!"

_**TDH**_

Duncan rolled behind a box and sat up, catching his breath.

"Not so *huff* tough now *huff* huh?" Courtney said, sitting next to Duncan.

"I didn't see you staying to face tall weird and furry."

"Well, maybe I was looking for a man to defend me," Courtney said locking in on Duncan's eyes.

"And maybe I feel bad about letting you down."

"Really?"

"Maybe," Duncan started to lean in a little, "I mean, what good is a man if he can't stand up for his-"

"UM! GUYS! COULD I GET A LITTLE HELP OVER HERE?" Geoff yelled as the mouse cornered him.

"Hey ugly," Duncan pulled back and grabbed a broom he saw laying on the ground, "If you want prime meat get over here! Courtney, I know you don't want to, but listen go down stairs and set a trap! Me and Geoff will lure our Rodent friend there."

"DUNCAN! DISTRACT HARDER!"

"GO!" duncan turned and yelled at Courtney who got up and ran to the stairs, "The library," she said, "I'll see you there."

_**TDH**_

"Gwen, once again thanks for helping me set this trap." Courtney said as they moved the last mastress into place.

"Well, we may not be the best of friends... or even friends at all, but we do have a challenge that needs completing," Gwen smiled, "Now how does this work?"

"Well, when the mosue gets coraled into the space here, it will trip the wire and collapse the mattresses, not hurting it too bad, but allowing us to catch it."

"SHE-BROS! IS THE TRAP SET?" Geoff's voice echoed down the hall, "Because me and Duncan have company!"

"Yes, it's-" Gwen started to say before Geoff slid into the library knocking her over.

"DUNCAN LOOK OUT!" Courtney yelled as Duncan slid into the trap and activated it, knocking the mattresses down onto himself.

"Did you think I'd fall for that?" The mouse laughed as it exited the room, "But I hope he's not hurt."

"So... I didn't expect that." Courntey said hanging her head.

"Which means you never watched Scooby Doo reruns," Gwen rolled her eyes.

"We need a new plan bros, because if we don't catch the Brodent, that means that Heather will."

_**TDH**_

"Screw all this," Heather said as she opened the sliding back door, "I'm out." Heather walked over and sat in one of the poolside chairs.

_**TDH**_

"So Duncan, isn't this trap a little... elaborate?" Geoff said as he stared at the dominoes placed on the coffee table.

"Nope. It's so perfectly intriquette that it has to work."

**Famous last words.** Courtney scoffed.

"Let's see how good it is!" The mouse cackled as it slid into the room, "Wait, why is there an x on the- MOMMA!" the thought was ended by the broom which Duncan let swing, knocking the mouse backwards, onto the couch abd bumnping the table which sent the dominoes falling and lighting matche which burned the cord, which dropped the weighted laundry basket onto the mouse.

"Told you," Duncan laughed as he walked up, and now to see who you really are."

"Oh puh-leaze," Gwen scoffed, "It's Chef, we all know it's Chef."

"You'd think that," Chef said as he and Chris walked into the room.

"What are you doing there?" Courtney gasped, "You're there!" She pointed at the mouse.

"No he's not," Duncan said, "If you listened for once you'd notice that the deep gravel was a put on voice, as it faded it and out. And when the mouse hoped I wasn't hurt that proved he was the sadistic Chef, but the final clue was his call for Momma, meaning it was none other than-"

"DJ?" The rest exclaimed.

"And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for... oh whats the point?" DJ stopped himself.

"Well done Duncan," Chris faux applauded, "You found out the mouse."

"But we all caught him," Gwen interjected, "So do we all get immunity?"

"Who said anything about immunity?" Chris lauged as he DJ, and Chef turned to leave, "See you at the fire pit."

_**TDH**_

"That was fun wasn't it?" Chris laughed, "Well it was for me. To be honest, there's no real need for suspense here. Duncan, Gwen, Geoff, and Courtney: keys. Heather: Get the fudge out of here."

_ With Heather gone only four remain, what crazy shenanigans do I have cooked up for next week? Tune in to find out same Bat Time, same Bat Channel._


	29. Chapter 29

29.

_ LAST time at the Total Drama House the group had an extermination problem. After trying and failing they finally got rid of the disgusting creature plagueing the house, and they caught DJ in a mouse costume. Get it? Because Heather got the axe? I'm a funny #$%^*& #%$^! Anyway, we are now left with the final four. And three of those four make up a bitter love/hate triangle, I can smell the ratings now! With less than a handful of episodes left we might not have a lot of time, but we have more drama than you can shake a boom stick at here at the Total. DRAMA. !_

*But Roger, you'd tell me if you were a Zombie... right?*

*GRRRRRAAAAWWWNNNNNLLLL!*

"This movie bites!" Duncan scoffed throwing a handful of popcorn at the screen.

"I know," Gwen laughed, "This is no _Wedding Reception of the Living Dead_."

"Or _The Biker Gang of Reanimated Corpses._"

"Wait a second," Geoff's eyes grew wide, "Didn't something bad happen the last time Chris had us watch a horror movie?"

"Yes," Chris smiled looking away his wall of monitors, "And thanks to 18 disgruntled former players and a few nights of sleep deprivation our housemates are about to face a zombified nightmare that would make Robert Kirkman proud... stay tuned."

_**TDH**_

"Relax, Geoff," Courtney said reaching for popcorn, only to miss and have her hand land on Duncan's leg, causing both to blush.

"Yeah," Duncan said, fighting a smile, "We don't have anything to worry about."

"I'm going to go get a pop," Geoff said getting up, "Does anybody want anything?"

"I'd like a root beer," Gwen said, as she "accidently" poured the last half of her current root beer on Duncan, "Ooops, sorry honey."

_**TDH**_

"Anyway you want it," Geoff sang as he walked into the kitchen, "that's the way you need it! Anyway you want it! Oh hi Owen." Geoff waved to the window as he opened the fridge, "Wait... Owen?"

"Huuuunnnnngggggrrrrryyy!" Owen moaned as he began scratching at the glass.

"GUYS! WE'VE GOT COMPANY!" Geoff yelled as he ran back into the living room.

"Who's our company?" Duncan looked away from the screen.

"Owen, and he's hungry," Geoff panted.

"It's Owen," Gwen said taking her root beer from Geoff, "He's always hungry."

"BEEEEEEEDDDDD!" Cody moaned as he pressed himself up against one of the living room windows.

"Are they... zombies?" Courtney asked.

"Don't say that!" Gwen scolded.

"What?

"That!"

"What?"

"That! The Zed word, don't say it!"

"Whay not?"

"It's ridiculous," Gwen continued in her scolding tone, "They'd have to have died to become zombies."

"Depenging on duh moofee." Duncan said through a mouthful of pop corn, "I've seen some where you don't have to be dead to be a zombie."

"So have I," Gwen said walking over to the window, "Um, guys... you might want to see this." The other three walked over and looked out into the yard, which was full of the staggering exiles.

"Wait a second," Duncan turned, "I think Chris is going for a re-"

"Correct!" Chris said over the PA, "We're reenacting my favorite Zombie movie 'One for the Flipper!' You'll notice that all the zombies are badminton players. Anyways, as is the case with all good zombie movies a handful of heroes hole up in a location and fend off the advancing hordes... because we don't have any heroes we have to settle for you lot. Which means you are going to try and fend off the zombies."

"But Chris," Courtney scoffed, "They are outside and we're inside, we can sit and-" the preppy girl was interrupted by a loud crash as diverted all the house mates attention to the window which Ezekiel was falling through.

"Did I forget to mention that I replaced all the glass in the house with harmless prop sugar glass? They can break through it with no consequences... meaning you guys had better go look for the zombie fighting props hidden around the house, last one to not be zombified by sun rise wins. Which reminds me, our walking dead have been sleep deprived for days so they aren't thinking straight, but they do have prop blood squibs, so if they tag you we'll know... good luck."

"Um, Bros and Bras..." Geoff said turning to face Ezekiel, Cody, and Eva who were crossing the living room, "Let's make with our exit!" The house mates turned and bolted out the door.

_**TDH**_

"So, Gwen and Duncan," Courtney said when the group stopped in the kitchen to catch their breaths, "What should we be looking for?"

"Well, Cricket bats, chainsaws, guns, fire starters... anything like that," Duncan smiled whipping out his lighter, "If we light a fire that'll slow 'em down."

"Yeah dude, but they'll probably walk in it and burn to death," Geoff closed Duncan's lighter, "Remember, they are our friends."

"No dude, they WERE our friends... right now they're corpses that walk."

"Um, Duncan," Courtney said putting her hand on his shoulder, "I think you're taking this a little bit too seriously."

"Famous last words, Sweetheart," Duncan made his way to the door, "If you need me I'll be surviving."

"Dude's &%#^!*$ hardcore," Geoff smirked.

"I'll say," Courtney said. **And really hot... don't tell Gwen.**

_**TDH**_

Gwen, Courtney and Geoff crept down the hall, looking around for any of their former house mates.

"It's quiet..." Courtney said looking around, "too-"

"UUUUUrrrggtney!" Heather said bursting out of a side room, "You make go home!"

"Just when I thought Heather couldn't get any dumber," Courtney laughed as she jumped up and kicked Heather back into the room she came from, "Am I right guys... guys?" When she looked around Geoff and Gwen were gone.

_**TDH**_

"I do feel bad about leaving Courtney back there," Geoff said as he and Gwen ducked into the library, hiding behind a couch.

"Zombie rules," Gwen said, "If she was bitten then there's nothing we would be able to do except get bitten ourselves."

"Yeah... I guess," Geoff took off his hat and ran his hand through his hair, "But we both know the real reason you left her is that you hate her."

_**TDH**_

"Duncan? Gwen? Geoff?" Courtney called as she walked through the house, "Seriously guys... this isn't funny!"

"Yeah it is," Duncan smirked as he dropped down from teh attic and pulled her back up.

"Duncan? What the hell?" Courtney angrily readjusted her sweater, "Why did you run off?"

"To set up this," Duncan turned to show he had stock piled 4 paintball rifles, two toy chainsaws, four paint ball grenades and a first aid kit, "I knew you and Gwen would fight and attract them so I was able to find all the stuff and get up here, leaving you guys to get picked off one at a time."

"You are such an asshole."

"Yeah," Duncan smiled, "Doesn't it suck that that's what draws you to me?"

"Yes, I mean I'm not attracted to you!"

"Are you really keeping that facade up?" Duncan laughed as he plunked down on a tacky cheetah print, velvet covered bean bag chair, "Everybody knows you never liked Noah."

"So?" Courtney said, shocked that she was so ready to admit it, "That doesn't mean I like you! What about Justin? Or Trent? Maybe even Geoff?"

"I'm almost sure Justin's gay, Trent will be all over Gwen as soon as we break it off, and like Geoff will take his eyes off Bridgette? Puh-lease."

"What about when Trent dated Bridgette and Geoff was with Heather?"

"Yeah, and what happened with Geoff and Bridgette as soon as they stopped their whole jealousy campaign? Make out city."

"That still doesn't mean I like you."

"Then why did you sit down in the bean bag chair next to me?" Duncan winked. Courtney's jaw dropped as she realized she had subconciously crossed the room and wedged herself into the chair with Duncan.

"That... I.."

_**TDH**_

"So, Gwen... what do we do now? I like party movies... and zombies don't usually go to parties."

"Well, we need to get to a place where they can't reach us... isn't there an attic somewhere around here?"

"Yeah, it's up on the top floor."

"Okay, let's get going," Gwen looked around and started making her way to the door, "Geoff, we'll need to... Geoff?"

"Bridgette?" Geoff said as he walked to the sliding door, "Gwen, let's bring-"

"GEOFF! NO!" Gwen started to move towards him, in an attempt to stop him, but it was too late. Geoff slide open the door, leaving Gwen to see Bridgette, Justin, Katie, Sadie, Harold, and DJ pull Geoff out into the yard, "GWEN! GO! ZOMBIE RULES! FRAG THE WEAK! HURDLE THE D-AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

Gwen froze for a moment before turning to run.

_**TDH**_

"You what?"

"I... we need to stick together."

"Courtney it's okay for you to admit it," Duncan hung his head, "Would it help if I admitted it first?"

"What... you?" Courtney looked at Duncan.

"Since the moment I saw you."

_**TDH**_

**Now, normally I keep my cool... but...**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Gwen screamed as she ran down the hall. "Duncan? WHERE ARE YOU?"

"Ooommm-bee Rulls." Geoff said as he staggered down the hall.

"Geoff?" Gwen stopped, "What are you...?" **I didn't think that Chris would have Geoff and Courtney turn zombie.** "Hey, big guy, the whole zombie rules thing... it was... it was just a joke. ha. ha?"

"Gwun!" Bridgette muttered as she rounded the corner, followed by the herd from the kitchen. Gwen turned to run, but smacked into the end of the hall. Looking left she saw one of the locked bedrooms, the right held the same sight... Gwen was cornered and her time had come.

_**TDH**_

"Since the moment you saw me?"

"Alright, yes. As soon as you got off the boat I knew I would do anything to make you mine." Duncan said as his face fell into his open hands, "I didn't tell any of the guys because I'm too tough to fall head over heels after one look, but yes... since the moment I saw you."

"I can't help but notice that your wording is kind of open ended."

"Yeah," Duncan looked up and into her eyes, "It's very open ended. I mean, even now when I know it wasn't right, and I've found a better life than what we had... even now I wake up crying in the middle of the night and I can't believe it still could hurt so bad."

"Wow, Barry Manilow?" Courtney smiled, "You are such a p-"

"HEEELP MEE!" Gwen's voice came up through the floorboards, "DUNCAN!"

Courtney sighed, "You've got to go save her, don't you?"

"Are you kidding?" Duncan said, "Zombie movie Rules, she's already gone, there's nothing I can do about it."

"So what now?"

"Well, we just sit up here until the-" Duncan's plan was broken by a crash. "Fuck, they just pulled the ladder down!"

"You didn't take the ladder down?"

"I'm sorry princess, and you're Zombocolypse shelter is where?" Duncan said grabbing two of the paint rifles, "There's another passage out that leads to the theatre room, it's in the back of the attic, just go past the Statue of Chris and you'll find it, take this" Duncan handed one of the rifles off and grabbed another, "go there and wait until sun up, move as needed, and if Chris is sticking true aim only for the head." Duncan kissed Courtney on the cheek, "I'm going to go get you some time... good luck." Duncan turned and made his way over to the hatch, "And if you hear me scream... Zombie rules."

"Zombie rules," Courtney nodded, turned and ran, stopping once to look as Duncan kicked open the hatch and began firing.

"Welcome to Charon's Ferry, this is your captain speaking, passage to hell is now boarding!" Duncan laughed, winked at Courtney and dove down.

_**TDH**_

Courtney woke up about four hours later and walked out of the projection room. Yawning she raised her paint rifled to block the sun from her eyes. "It's so... THE SUN IS RISING! I DID IT!" Courtney began laughing as she dropped the gun and ran down the hall towards the front door. She arrived and swung it open, only to see Chris and Chef in military garb, carrying paint rifles themselves.

"Quick!" Chris shrieked, "DROP IT!" Chef pointed and pulled his trigger, splattering a paintball on Courtney.

"Another one for the fire." Chef laughed.

_**TDH**_

"Well, none of you made it to the morning... so no one gets immunity," Chris said shaking his head, "I hoped at least ONE of you would."

"But I DID make it to the morning..." Courtney fumed, "You guys shot me as I was escaping."

"Ain't you ever seen _Night of the living Dead_?" Chef asked.

"NO!"

"Oh... well, then that whole homage was missed," Chris said, "Anyways, Courtney, you're still safe. Duncan, you are as well. Gwen... you left Courtney and Geoff for dead, well... for undead. Geoff... you stupidly let them into the house which led to yourself, Gwen, AND Duncan to being bitten. Which it seems was worse, Gwen you're safe, Geoff... your ride is waiting."

Geoff stood up and made his way out the front door, but he stopped before he walked out, "Can I say one thing before I leave?"

"Nope." Chris said pushing Geoff out and slamming the door.

_ The final three are now etched in stone. Duncan returns, Gwen Returns and Courtney gets another step closer to winning, but will she be able to break up Duncan and Gwen? Will Duncan be able to juggle two girls? Will Gwen be able to survive Courtney's conspiring? Find out next time at the Total. DRAMA. HHHHHOOOOOUUUUSSSEEEE!_


	30. Chapter 30

30.

_LAST TIME on Total Drama House, the remaining victims were forced to live a zombie movie, some flopped and some were a tad melodramatic... Duncan, for example. And even though Gwen stabbed pretty much everybody in the back, Geoff got voted out for his idiotic handling of the zombie invaders, leaving Gwen, Courtney, and Duncan as our final three. Which eggs will crack first? Will Gwen and Courtney just kill each other, or will Duncan fall in the cross fire? So many questions, so little time, which means you need to stay tuned for another exciting episode of Total. DRAMA. HOUUUUSSSSSSEEE!_

_**TDH**_

"Morning," Chef laughed as Duncan walked into the dining room, looking left he saw Gwen at on of the tables, looking right he saw Courtney at another. **Either place I sit I'm screwed.** Walking up to Chef, Duncan avoided eye contact. grabbed his food and went over and sat alone.

"Awww, Duncy doesn't want to play with the other children?" Chris laughed as he walked in, "Too bad because today is GAME NIGHT!"

"Game Night?" Gwen scoffed, "You just had us fight off a zombie horde and now we're having... game night?"

"No, WE fought off the zombies, you kept RUNNING AWAY!" Courtney yelled flinging a spoonful of oatmeal at Gwen.

"Ladies, please save the fighting for the game."

"So what are we playing?" Duncan laughed, "Boggle?"

"Nope," Chris said, "Even though I'm a champ at Boggle. You guys will be testing out the 'Total Drama Board Game!' Yup, we're considering marketing you guys and all your popularity, and what better way than with a board game? Well, there are action figures and... anyways, we decided to make a board game, sadly we can't play it here, so we'll have to make our way to the van and back to the Ware House of Pain from Episode 5. TO THE VAN!"

_**TDH**_

"So... Why can't we just play the game back at the house?" Courtney said adjusting her sweater after the bumpy ride.

"Because," Chris said as Chef slid the large door open, "The game is so big, YOU are the pieces, which reminds me that you need your anklets."

"Anklets? I don't wear anklets," Duncan said.

"Yes you do, or else you get automatically evicted," Chris said, "The rules are simple. Chef spins the Wheel of Wonderment and you move that many spaces. The spaces have commands and the like on them, such as Secret Squares where we'll read one of your confessions that we gathered last week, Challenge Squares where you'll do challenges that you're former house mates have conceived. There's also 'go back', 'shock', and 'reward' squares. I think all of those are pretty self explanatory. And the first one to press the red button at the end wins immunity and a fore sure trip to the finals."

"Did you say Shock?" Gwen looked around.

"Gwen moves four spaces!" Chef yelled from his station over at the wheel.

"If I were you I'd get moving," Chris said as an Intern handed him a drink.

"Fine. 1-2-3-4." Gwen looked down, "I got a SH-AAAAAAAAHHHH!"

"It seems our Goth friend landed on a shock square, HOORAY FOR ANKLETS!"

"Courtney got 5!"

"1-2-3-4...5" Courtney stepped onto the fifth square and cringed.

"Looks like Courtney got a reward square," Chris grabbed a card from a pile, "And her reward is another spin, GO CHEF!"

"6!"

"1-2-3-4-5-6!"

"And the plot thickens," Chris grabbed another card, "Courtney answered the question: What is your favorite desert? with the answer of: Duncan. Huh, that's an interesting take on that question." Courtney blushed.

"Duncan got a 2!"

"But that's a Secret square!" Duncan angrily pointed, "I don't want to g-AAAAAAAHHH!"

"Also, I'll shock you if you give me any sass, move Duncan."

"Fine... 1-2."

"Duncan was asked: Describe your idea for a perfect romantic night. He answered: Anything involving Courtney."

"You know what Duncan... we're through," Gwen yelled, "I've put up with it this far but no more! Screw you I'm going to win this with out you!"

"But, Gwen," Duncan yelled, "An ideal night would involve you too!"

"I love my job," Chris smiled, "I really do."

"WHAT?" Gwen took off one of her boots and chucked it at Duncan, who dodged the boot, only to be hit by Courtney's shoe.

"Jerk." Courtney fumed.

"Gwen got a 6!"

"1-2-3-4-5... Really? Another sh-OH MY LORD THAT HURTS!"

"4!"

"And Courtney you have landed on a Challenge square, yeah, I'm pretty excited too. So I have a jar with the names and challenges of all the cast offs. I'll draw one and you can either do the challenge or take a seven square penalty. If you do the challenge you get to go ahead 7 squares AND ignore whatever the square tells you to do. Alright, here we go... so it's Owen and his involves a prop, chef... the bowl."

"The...bowl?" Courtney turned, a look of horror on her face.

"You are to eat the contents of the bowl... Four of Owens toe nails."

"You're $#!&!& me?"

"Nope."

**When my opponent for Prime Minister plays this clip, hopefully I'll be able to say it helped me win $2 million**

"BLAAAUUUURRRRGGGHH!"

"Hey, I didn't say she had to keep them down!" Chris laughed, "Courtney advance seven squares."

"Gwen, you got a 6," Chris smiled, "Which puts you at a Secret Square. *ahem* Gwen was asked: What was the worst part of being with Duncan... and she responded 'Not being with Trent' Isn't that cute? Duncan?"

"Yeah, it's real &*%#*^ adorable."

"On this awkward note, Duncan you also got a six. And a challenge square, from our old pal Heather. Heather says for your challenge... ooooo, good one. You are to go and kiss the girl that you love more... Gwen or Courtney. Don't keep us waiting."

**Heather, if you're watching this... I'm going to &*%#*^ kill you!**

Duncan sighed and walked over and pecked Courtney on the lips, which caused the prep to blush, "What the heck was that?" Chris yelled.

"A kiss."

"Kiss he like you mean it cowboy!" Chris pointed and grabbed the anklet remote.

"Let's be cool here, no need to shock me," Duncan turned and looked Courtney in the eyes "Here's looking at you kid," He then dipped her and kissed her on the lips.

"Very good, Duncan," Chris wiped a tear from his eye, "Bogey would be proud. Move ahead Seven, and to make it interesting move ahead seven from Courtney's square."

"That's not fair!" Gwen argued.

"When have I ever been fair Gwen?" Chris looked in disbelief. "Anyway, Lil' Miss Rebel, it's your turn, and you got a 4, and hooray for shock squares!"

"Oh for the love of AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

"Courtney, 3." Courtney stepped forward three, "Courtney was asked, What is a perfect date? She responded Me and Duncan going all baseball Furies on Heather. Hmmmm, that wasn't very revealing, I'm not entirely okay with that..." Chris smiled as he hit the shock button.

_**TDH**_

"Alright, after that montage Gwen has 10 squares to go, Duncan has 4, Courtney has 7 and she just landed on a challenge square which puts her in a unique position. If she performs the challenge, she get's a for sure spot in the finals... if she doesn't than Duncan has a shot at it. The Challenge is... Kiss Ezekiel."

"What?" Courtney's jaw dropped.

"Yup, our little Home school homeboy wants so tongue action it seems, YO EZEKIEL!" Chris yelled as Ezekiel walked out of the shadows.

"Hey there, Hot stuff," Ezekiel puckered his lips, which caused Duncan to ball his fists.

"No," Courtney said putting her hand on Duncan's chest to stop his charge, "I'll do it."

**This is worse than eating Owen's toenails.**

"Get over here," Courtney said grabbing Ezekiel and planting a kiss on his lips.

**So I can now mark kiss a non-cousin girl off my list of things to do before I die, eh.**

"Courtney, just remember that that kiss may have been worth $2 Million," Chris said as he climbed down from his platform, "Because you have just got yourself a for sure spot in the Total Drama House Finals, and a shot at the money. Duncan and Gwen, you don't have for sure anything. And tonight's bonfire ceremony will be special, because the voters won't be you three. It will be the cast offs, good luck, I'll see you at the fire at sundown.

_**TDH**_

"Here we are... the final three of Season three," Chris said, "In front of my is one key, because Courtney doesn't need one. Guys, it's been a blast. You two have been some of the best players of the game, and I hate to send one of you home, actually I can't wait to send one of you home, but it's not up to me. Behind me, as you noticed were all the exiles from this season, in a second I'll read their votes and send one of you away with them. But before that let me tell you, this was close, with a total of 19 housemates and a split of 10-9... the second finalist of Total. Drama. House is... I'll tell you after the break."

_**TDH**_

In a world where right is wrong, and wrong is right: Brock Wilson tells you what's Right and Wrong! "I've got one chance... one chance to save the world!" Ken Evans is Brock Wilson in Brock Wilson vs. Dystopia! Coming this fall!"

_**TDH**_

"Alright, we're back and the drama is still building, and the second finalist is..."

"Oh just tell us already!" Heather screamed.

"Gwen" Chris said, as Trent, DJ, Harold, Leshawna, Noah, Ezekiel, Owen, Lindsey, and Beth cheered.

"Wait," Trent stopped cheering, "There's only nine of us cheering."

"Yeah, didn't you notice my lack of punctuation? I wasn't finished, What I was saying before you all interrupted was 'Gwen... you only received 9 votes, which means Duncan has made it back to the finals, and will be competing against an old flame for $2 million. See? Not a lot to cheer about for you guys, is there?"

"No," Beth sighed, "I guess not."

"So now that that's taken care of I can say tune in next week for the most amazing, most dramatic, most Chris-tastic finale in the history of the world at the Total. DRAMA. !"


	31. Chapter 31

_**Hey, Guys,**_

_** 31 episodes flew past, didn't they? I know it's been quite some time since I started, but here we are... the end. Of this season, not my fanficing. This episode is special to me, for a few reasons: Mainly I finally give closure to DxC, and every single character speaks so I really got to play with all the characters, something I haven't been able to do sine like episode 2 or 3. I'd like to take this chance to thank everyone who reads, and a special thanks to those who review, it's nice to know what you guys want of me. Please stay tuned at the end where I give a teaser for my next season, which I probably won't start for like a week or so, because I need to map it all out, but it will come... soon. Enjoy this final episode of Total Drama House and please please please review not only this episode, but give me your comments on the whole series, and drop some pointers for next season, I just might use them ;)**_

_** ~Dr. Brooklyn**_

31.

_LAST TIME On Total Drama House, things got interesting as Duncan, Courtney and Gwen played a friendly board game... did I say friendly? I meant fiendish! Anyway, after a long afternoon of shocks and secrets Gwen got voted off by her former housemates and Duncan vs. Courtney is our title card for the final bout. Will Courtney get distracted by her heart? Will Duncan be able to focus with Courtney as his foe and Gwen on the sidelines? WHO WILL WALK AWAY WITH $2 MILLION? Find out on this exciting final episode of Total. DRAMA. !_

_**TDH**_

"Morning, bro," Geoff said handing Duncan a bowl of cereal, "Sleep well?"

"Yeah, Geoff I..." Duncan stopped and rubbed his eyes, making sure he wasn't still in slumberland, "What the #&%% are you doing here?"

"Eating breakfast dude," Geoff sat back down and started drinking his orange juice, "Taking a pasuse from Sucking Face, you know the usual morning activity."

"No, I mean, didn't we vote your $$ off a few episodes ago?"

"Yeah, you did," Lindsay said sliding into the seat next to Geoff, "and don't think because I'm sitting here I support you."

"Oh blow it out yer-"

"Morning, Sleepyhead," Courtney said as she, Leshawna and DJ walked by.

"Princess."

"Prepared to lose?"

"Not in the slightest."

"Well, Duncan, you don't look like you're ready for competition."

"Don't need to look it, I just need to be it."

"Clever."

"I try."

"Oh, did I miss all the trash talking?" Chris said walking in, "I hope I didn't."

"Trust me, McLean," Duncan said glaring at Courtney, "There will be a lot more."

"Good," Chris smiled, "Well, I need to see you two in the back yard in one hour, feel free to mingle with your supporters, and your enemies, it doesn't really matter to me, and Supporters you need to be in your posts in 45 minutes, so keep that in mind. So, until then, have a great breakfast."

"Dude, just so you know, me and Bridgette had a fight last night over who to support."

"So, I'm guessing she didn't pick me?"

"No man, you should have heard them," Trent laughed as he sat down, "But I think we've made the right decision."

"Wait, Trent?" Duncan put down his coffee, "You want me to win?"

"Yeah, I mean, Courtney's a bitch, no offense-"

"None taken, hopefully she does though."

"And even though you stole Gwen... a few times," Trent looked down, "I mean, well, we have been in alliances and... I really don't like Courtney."

"The enemy of my enemy is my friend," Duncan smiled and clicked his mug on Trent's cup.

"That's one way to look at it."

"Yeah, I guess it is." Duncan said looking over at Courtney.

"So we'll be along the way, getting your back girl," Leshawna said.

"Yeah, Duncan's mean," Beth said, "I mena, you're mean too, but in a different way. Not the kill me kind of way, just the destroy my fragile psyche with insults way, you know the-"

"Beth," Courtney said, "Shut up."

_**TDH**_

"Duncan, Courtney... you've made it this far, and now you are competing for $2 million. Before you is a flagged trail, the trail will lead you through all sorts of challenges and eventually work it's way back to the fire pit over there, where one of you will recieve a fistfull of dollars. When I say "Go" begin the race to $2 Million dollars. 10-9-8-7-6-5-GO!"

Courtney and Duncan hesitated and then ran off following the flags into the house.

"And the Gemini for Reality Host goes to... Chris McLean!"

_**TDH**_

"I hope you don't think I'll play easy because of our history," Courtney said knocking over an umbrella stand to try and trip Duncan.

"If you did I'd have to rethink why I love you," Duncan laughed as he hurdled the stand and ran ahead.

"You present tense love me?" Courtney said as she caught up to Duncan and entered the kitchen.

"I... uh... m-meant loved," Duncan stammered, trying to cover for his freudian slip, "past tense, very past tense."

"Well," Chef said rising from behind the counter, while around the room the sound of doors locking sounded out, "You'll both be past tense if you can't face this challenge."

"Bring it on," Courtney said assuming a fighting stance.

"Why you think I want to fight? I don't want to fight, this challenge ain't about fighting, it's about eating. Eating a lot of disgusting $#!%."

"So we'll be eating your best cooking then?" Duncan smirked.

"Every meal I've made over the first four days of the competition was saved, unrefridgerated of course, and was blended up today to make some nasty $$ mush. Your first challenge is eat the mush. You can't finish the mush you don't get to go on, as soon as I deem your bowl emptied, you get to go. You're bowls are on the end of that table, sit across from each other and eat. Ya dig?"

"Sadly," Courtney said as she sat down and stared at the greenish mush.

"After you, Princess," Duncan said twisting his spoon around, avoiding the first inevitable bite.

"You are such a pussy," Courtney said taking a big spoon full, and gagging.

"It's..." Duncan took a bite "It's disgusting."

"The Chef appreciates your compliments," Chef smiled.

_**TDH**_

"Done," Courtney said slamming the bowl down.

"Me too!" Duncan said, holding his bowl out for Chef to check first.

"You both good, now get the &$#% out of my kitchen."

The two jumped up, stopped, held their stomachs, trying not to taste the slop again, and then ran out.

"Pussies," Chef laughed.

_**TDH**_

"I haven't wanted to throw up this much since the last time we kissed," Courtney said as the two made their way into the living room.

"Creative," Duncan said, pushing Courtney's shoulders, forcing her onto one of the couches.

"Duncan." Noah said with contempt.

"Courtney." Heather spat.

"What's this challenge?" Duncan said, obviously puzzled, "I mean, really, you two?"

"We are going to play a video clip, and then at the end there will be a question."

"You'll tell your answers to the opposite team and then we'll either let you leave or make you watch another clip if you're wrong."

"Sounds simple enough." Courtney said as she walked up, adjusting her sweater and giving Duncan a death glare.

The Clip began: Owen walked from the right to the left, eating an ice cream cone, he stopped and looked around, he looked to the left and screamed. The video stopped and the question appeared on the screen. What happens next?

"Are you $#!%ing me?" Courtney said stomping her foot, "How are we supposed to know?"

"Write down something!" Noah said, "We can't let this Neanderthal win!"

"Fine," Courtney began writing, "here."

"Let's see the rest." Heather said as the clip rolled ans Izzy came swinging into the picture, tackling Owen.

"Duncan," Heather began reading, "you said Izzy came in and attacked him, so you get to move on."

"Courtney, you said Izzy shows up and they do something stupid. So you ALSO get to move on." There was a silent pause as the four teenagers stood together in the room.

"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? MOVE IT!" Heather yelled as the two finalist began their flight.

_**TDH**_

"Hey," Ezekiel said waving to the pair as they made their way into the Front yard.

"GOSH!" Harold said standing up from behind the bush, "The point of any good ambush is to NOT reveal the malicious intent!"

"What kind of ambush did you have planned then?" Katie said while she and Sadie walked out from around the sunroom, sans paintball guns.

"What are you two doing?" Harold said pointing angrily, "How are we supposed to shoot them if you don't have any paintball guns?"

"We got bored and put them down."

"Well... where did you put them down?" Ezekiel said, turning his back on Duncan, who's sight locked in on the paint based cache that Katie and Sadie had left about ten feet from him.

"Right here!" Duncan said rolling over to the paint rifles, grabbing one he blasted Harold, quickly turning he shot Ezekiel in the hand, forcing him to drop his weapon.

"If you are the only thing between me and $2 million," Courtney said, rolling and grabbing the other weapon and planting wads of paint on the unrelated sisters, "I can already taste the money."

"Nice shot," Duncan said turning and looking Courtney in the eye.

"Thanks," She smiled and started lowering her gun, moving in, without breaking eye contact, "Hey Duncan..."

"Yeah," Duncan said dropping his gun and bringing his arms up for an embrace.

"I can't believe you're this easily manipulated," Courtney winked and shot Duncan's feet, leaving him in pain as she ran off ahead.

_**TDH**_

"I love you so much Geoff," Bridgette said as she moved her mouth away from Geoff's for a second, "Then shut up and Kiss me, Bridge."

"Um... don't you guys have more pressing things to worry about?" Duncan said, hopping in behind Courtney.

"Like helping me win $2 Million?" Courtney said, folding her arms.

"We... um..." Bridgette stammered.

"Hey look! Yo guys aced this challenge already, wow, you are so amazing !" Geoff pointed to the van. "Now scram, Bro and Bra, leave us be!"

"Later," Duncan said leaping into the van.

_**TDH**_

"Face me!" Izzy cackled as the van stopped, outside of the Warehouse of Doom.

"Who's team are you even on?" Duncan asked, dodging a kick.

"E-Scope is on E-Scope's team!"

"That's SUPER!" Courtney said kicking Izzy in the gut.

"Um... Izzy?" Justin questioned the psycho, "We're not supposed to fight them, we're supposed to... What are we supposed to do again?"

"Are you sure we're not supposed to face them in combat?"

"Maybe," Justin starting stroking his chin, "I mean, I don't really listen to Chris... at all. Other than on manscaping techniques, man that guy know's his-" Justin's train of thought was derailed by the haymaker Duncan landed in his gut, knocking him to the ground, "I don't have time for this, Courtney. Take her out."

"With pleasure," Courtney jumped up, and with a spinning Hook kick Izzy was out of the way, "Ladies, First."

"Sad thing," Duncan laughed, "With your man hands I am more lady like than you!" Courtney kneed Duncan in the balls and ran into the warehouse.

_**TDH**_

"Hey Duncan," Beth said from a table that was sitting in the warhouse.

"Hey?"

"Come, sit down," Beth smiled, winking at Courtney.

"Courtney, over here!" Tyler called from another table.

"What's this all about?" Duncan said sitting down.

"You two aren't the nicest."

"I'm nice," Courtney said crossing her arms.

"You just knocked out Izzy," Tyler said, "And for this leg of the challenge you have to say a truly nice thing about me."

"And you me," Beth said to Duncan.

"Can't we just fight you like Izzy and Justin?" Duncan said looking at Courtney, "We're good at that!"

"We know," Beth said folding her hands, "Hence why it's a 'challenge.'" Beth emphasized her point with Air quotes.

"I have to compliment someone who uses air quotes? Come on McLean! This is sadistic even by your standards!"

"Tyler," Courtney smiled, "I really appreciate how you respect Lindsey. You never cheated on her with a gothic slut, you never lied to her face about how much she means to you, and you never tried to cop a feel during a bon fire ceremony."

"Awwwwwwww!" Beth gushed, "That's so cute! You can go Courtney!"

"Later, Duncan!" Courtney smiled and waved.

"Beth... I... like... how... you... are always super nice to everyone, especially me, some one who doesn't deserve it." Duncan let his head hang, hiding his smirk.

"That's also really sweet!"

"Yeah man," Tyler said, "You can go now."

_**TDH**_

"CODY THIS DANCING CHALLENGE WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER IF YOU HAD EVEN ONE WORKING LEFT FOOT!" Courtney was screaming as Duncan ran into the room.

"What'd I miss?"

"Duncan, you're going to have to keep up with all this!" Leshawna said as she began to do the running woman.

"Huh?"

"You have to match at least ten of my dance moves by my judgement before you can move on," Leshawna starting moon walking... or at least she attempted to moon walk.

"Fine," Duncan began moving like MJ, "In case you forgot from last season I was one of the best dancers in juvie."

After several off rythm moves Duncan bolted for the door, followed by Courtney.

_**TDH**_

"Catch!" Trent said tossing a guitar to Duncan.

"You're $#!%%!& me?"

"Nope," Trent played a chord, "You know that scene in 'Deliverence' with the banjos? Dueling Guitars, #$%!. We play unitl the other can't match the chord."

"And me?" Courtney said.

"Well, because I took like two days of violin we're doing a violin challenge!"

"Oh thank you God." Courtney siad quickly starting on a Mozart piece.

"So Trent," Duncan said, "This only goes until one of us can't play any more right?"

"Yup," Trent laughed, "And if I beat you, you have to face Lindsey and then me again."

"That's what I thought," Duncan reached out, pulled Trents Guitar and smashed it on the floor, Duncan then picked his own guitar back up and strummed a hideous C chord.

"PAULETTE!" Trent feel to his knees, "YOU MANIAC! YOU SMASHED IT UP! %$# YOU! $# %$# YOU RIGHT TO #&%%!"

"Had enough?" Courtney said as she looked down at the crying Lindsey, "Come on back Lindsey, if you ever want to try again, but I told you once you air headed #$%!, I'm the best there's ever been!" Courtney curtsied as she made her way out the door after Duncan, and into the waiting van.

_**TDH**_

"Are we bad people?" Courtney said looking up at Duncan.

"What?"

"I mean," Courtney brushed her hair out of her eyes, "All we've done this race, this whole game, is hurt people, physically and emotionally. Especially each other."

"Yeah," Duncan realized that Courtney wasn't trying to trick him, "We have been kind of cruel to each other."

"Maybe..." Courtney looked right into Duncan's eyes, "Maybe people like us aren't supposed to be around other people."

"What, are we like vampires or something?"

"Duncan, I'm being serious..." Courtney wiped a tear from her eye, "I mean, do you realize how many nights I've spent crying over you."

"Probably not as many as I have for you."

"What?"

"Remember those first days on the island, when you hated me-"

"I never hated you, it was a defense mechanism."

"Well, you had me convinced, and I actually cried because of it."

"Are you serious?"

"Do you really think I would admit on international tv to crying over a girl if it weren't true?"

Courtney blushed, "So, we're not soulless, just-"

"Get out of my van!" Chef said swinging the doors open, revealing the street leading to the house, "I'd get going if I was you."

The two got up, paused at the door, and Duncan stepped back, "Ladies first." Courtney smiled, wiped a tear from her eye and ran down the street.

"You two are seriously &#$!ed in the head," Chef siad looking at Duncan.

"Yeah," Duncan smiled, "Isn't it great?"

_**TDH**_

"HEY! YOU!" Eva said running up next to Courtney, "You realize Duncan never liked you right?"

"Huh?"

"Yeah," Eva kept jogging, "Last season Harold got pissed at your boy toy and read us his journal, it was all about Gwen."

"It... what?" Courtney stopped and looked back.

"Don't believe her," Duncan said running up and grabbing Courtney up in a craddling grasp, "Her and DJ were sent to try and slow us down, mentally."

"Where's DJ then?"

"He pulled some of that psyche out $#!% and I made him cry by insulting his mom," Duncan set Courtney down, we're far enough from her now, let's go."

"HE... HE INSULTED MOMMA!" DJ cried from the street.

_**TDH**_

"Alright, you know what to do right?" Chris said to Owen and Gwen, who stood by the front gate.

"Yup," Owen said, "I ask the riddle."

"And I provide the answer," Gwen said, "Is that really the best thing you could come up with as a final challenge?"

"Do you really think they'll figure it out soon?" Chris laughed, "And the suns going down so I should go get all the final things set up, Chris out."

"We're here!" Courtney said as Her and Duncan approached the gate.

"Alright, for me to let you in the gate you have to answer this riddle... What words make me move?"

"That's the riddle?" Courtney asked in disbelief.

"Yup," Gwen smirked, "Too hard for you?"

"Nope," Duncan smiled, "Knowing Chris he'd try and mess with our minds giving us something insanely obvious, which we would over look. Now, he'd try and make us think it's a phrase to make Owen move, but I bet he wants 'me move' the two words tha make up 'me move'"

"Wow..." Gwen's jaw dropped, "I did not see that coming, yeah... that's the answer to the wor;ds worst riddle."

"After you," Duncan said as he and Courtney entered the back yard and saw two rows of tiki torches, lined with the exiles.

"On my try is one key," Chris said, "The final key... and this time it's a real key, the key which opens that safe over there. Whoever grabs it get's the $2 Million."

"Duncan," Courtney turned and said, "Nothing personal."

"I know, that's why I'm going to stay here."

"What?"

"Courtney, I %#$ed up. I cheated on you, I'll admit it. But I never lied to you when I said how much you mean to me. To be exact you're worth more than $2 Million to me. I want you to go and take that key, open that safe and take the money and remember that I love you, I loved you from the moment you opened your demanding mouth, and I'll love you as long as my heart beats. Words can never express how sorry I am."

"Duncan, I don't need $2 million to see you're sorry, I just needed those two words," Courtney began to cry, "Great, now my makeups going to run on tv."

"Even with masquera running down your cheeks, you're still th emost beautiful girl I've ever met," Duncan putt his arms around Courtney and kissed her fore head.

"Oh, you'll kiss me a lot more than that!" Courtney grabbed Duncan's face and planted a kiss on his lips.

"We get it, you like each other, now one of you just shut up and take this key already!" Chris yelled.

"I'll be right back," Courtney said with a brief kiss.

"I'll be waiting."

Courtney started walking towards the platform Chris stood on, to cheers from everyone except Heather.

"Courtney, it's been quite a while, but here we are," Chris smiled as he picked up the key, "As the host and Executive Producer of Total Drama House it is my... honor?" Chef nodded "Honor to award you this key as a symbol of your victory and you can now grab your $2 Million."

"Thank you Chris," Courtney began crying, "I want to thank-"

"You may want to but this is only a half hour show, and you and Duncan's little Bogey and Bacall bit down there took up a precious bit of time, Another Season bites the dust. We've had fun here at the Total Drama House, but just like in Highlander, there can be only one and this year it was Courtney... who's now over making out with Duncan. Anyways, after this season high ratings there will be more, but for the last time this ic Chris McLean coming to you from the Total. DRAMA. !"

_**TDH**_

_Hey there campers! My Name is Chris McLean, remember when none of the kids knew each other? Back when we were on an island? I know I do... But what if that same story was told... very differently? Jump in our Time Machine and come with me as Dr. Brooklyn puts his own twist on the season that got us in the spotlight. All new challenges, same great characters, but changed a bit, so the next time you hear from me, I'll be on Total. DRAMA. ! _


End file.
